“You usually sleep facing the window.” She shrugged. “Just a good guess.” She moved towards me and I opened my arms for her, breathing in her vanilla scent as she pressed her body into my chest. My arms wrapped around her, pulling her in even closer. “You’re worried about me, aren’t you?” She said after a few moments of warm silence.
“I always worry about you,” I said as I smoothed my hand over her golden hair. “But yes, I’m worried about you. And about the baby.” I felt her press her face into the space between my shoulder and neck, her breath moving over my skin sent goose bumps along my arms. “Will you talk to me? Are you having more nightmares?” I felt her mumble something into my neck, making me chuckle at her playfulness. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
She moved away slightly and I heard her take in a breath. “I’ve had one or two nightmares in the last couple days, but I’m not sure it’s the nightmares that are taking the biggest toll on me.” She paused and moved back even farther, her eyes finding mine. “All day long I find myself thinking about the shooter, wondering where he is, worrying that he’s going to come back or somehow find me.” She rolled farther from me and her hands came to rub up and down her face. I sat quietly and waited for more from her. I knew she wasn’t finished. Her hands finally came to rest above her head on her pillow and she looked over at me.
“How long will this last? How long will I have to spend my days fearing someone I can’t even remember fully? It doesn’t seem fair. I’ve had my life turned upside down because of this man: we’ve had our lives turned upside down, I’ve lost my memory, been hospitalized, and dealt with so much emotional baggage due to him, and yet he still haunts me. He was in front of me for all of forty-five seconds but he altered my life in an immeasurable way.” Her hand came up to wipe away one single tear. My girl was trying so hard to be strong. I saw her strength every day and knew she didn’t give herself enough credit.
“Hey, Babe,” I said, pulling her back into me, her face just inches from mine. “He’s got absolutely no reason to come back for you, none. He was more than likely just some homeless kid who wanted to make a buck. He doesn’t know who you are. He doesn’t care. You’ve got every right to be angry, but every reason to try and take back your life.”
“What if the nightmares never go away? What if I have to spend the rest of my life battling someone who isn’t even here?”
I could hear her voice edging on the precipice of panic. I would always do everything I could to make her feel safe, but I couldn’t be inside of her head, as much as I’d like to be sometimes. Even if she looked fine on the outside, she could be waging a war on the inside and no one would ever be the wiser.
“I think you’re doing a fantastic job, Ella. I can’t imagine the stress you’re under, but you have to understand that you are safe. I will never let anything happen to you. What else can I do to make you feel more secure? We can leave. We can up and move to another state, another country even. Anything, if it makes you feel safer.” I felt her head shake in my hands, her no immediate and forceful.
“I won’t let him run me away from my home or my family.”
And that’s how I knew, in the end, Ella would always be stronger than anything she battled against in her mind. She was a warrior, fierce and brave. She just never gave herself enough credit.
“And I won’t let you put yourself through anymore torture. You need to talk to me more, talk to somebody, when you’re feeling this way. Talking helps, yes?” She nodded. I kissed her forehead. “Good. Promise me.”
“I promise to talk to someone when I’m feeling anxious,” she said, humoring me.
I pressed a soft kiss against her lips, silently thanking her for appeasing me.
“Are you ready to go see my mom, or would you like to sleep a little more?” My hand wandered down and my finger feathered across her soft stomach, something I did now without even thinking about it.
“We might as well go now. I don’t think I could get back to sleep if I tried.”
“Will you shower with me?” I asked, my hand moving from her belly, over her waist, coming to rest on the swell of her ass. I was instantly glad she only wore a tee shirt and panties to bed as my hand had free reign over her smooth skin. I tugged her towards me, her hips fitting perfectly against mine, relishing in the way her eyes widened and mouth parted with a small gasp.
“Something tells me showering isn’t the only thing you have in mind,” her voice thick and low.
“I just want to make you feel better,” I replied, dragging my lips across hers, purposefully teasing.