My Fair Concubine

chapter Eight



Yan Ling lay on her back in bed and blinked at the alcove overhead. She had been up for an hour, staring sightlessly into blackness and waiting for the first sound of the morning birds. She had only slept fitfully through the night. An official notice had come from the ministry offices earlier in the week that the ministry would visit that morning.

Her worries about the dreaded Inspector Tong had chased her deep into her nightmares. She would open her mouth to speak only to find her tongue wouldn’t move. All she could do was sit like a stone statue in her chair, blinking helplessly, while Fei Long glared at her in horror, dishonoured and disappointed.

She woke up and couldn’t fall asleep again. Instead, she waited for the household to awaken. At the sound of footsteps outside, she rose to call Dao into her room.

‘Look at you,’ Dao bemoaned. ‘I told you to get your rest.’

‘Is it that bad?’

The sun hadn’t risen yet and they had to light a lantern in order to comb and pin her hair. Dao frowned as she dusted fine powder beneath her eyes to try to mask the dark circles.

‘I’ll just say I’m losing sleep over the elder Lord Chang— I mean, my father’s death,’ Yan Ling said.

Dao’s frown deepened, making Yan Ling even more agitated. She had been filled with advice over the last few days. Bai Shen told her to speak with her eyes while Fei Long insisted she say as little as possible. She needed to succeed for everyone’s sake.

Once dressed, she went to walk the garden to gather her thoughts, but after a half an hour of that, her feet were sore and her nerves just as taut. She settled onto the stone bench at the edge of the garden as sunlight peeked over the rooftop.

The morning chill settled in around her, but she didn’t want to go back to her chamber. Instead she huddled inside herself, tucking her hands together within the folds of her sleeves.

The kitchen stirred with activity over at the far corner and the scraping of pots and the clatter of dishes reminded her of mornings at the teahouse. If given the choice, would she want to go back? Certainly not. The last weeks in the Chang household had been the happiest time she’d ever known. She wore the fanciest silks and ate delicious meals from painted plates and bowls.

More precious than that, she had companionship. True companionship that came from the time that was her own. Her mornings were spent with Dao or Bai Shen. The afternoons with Fei Long were made of gold and jade. From the moment she woke each morning, she’d wait for their lesson.

All her life, she’d heard only commands. Her master and mistress would tell her what to do and to do it faster. The snatches of gossip and laughter with the cook and the kitchen boy could hardly be called conversation, not after the discussions she had now with Fei Long. Whenever she asked something or said something that made him pause and think, the thrill of victory would rush through her.

Yan Ling was no longer merely mimicking the actions of an educated lady. She was learning. Something was changing inside of her, but was it enough?

‘You’re up very early.’

She knew it was Fei Long before he spoke. She’d sensed him from the moment he came out into the courtyard, yet her pulse still jumped with pleasure as he neared. Every day, she strained to recognise the weight of his footsteps and the echo of his voice from the far reaches of the house. She always knew when he left in the morning and always noted his return. It was a game she played only with herself and there was no way of winning.

Whenever he was home, there would be a chance of meeting in a hallway. She might catch a glimpse as he left a room. How she hungered for those accidental meetings. This time there was nothing accidental about their meeting. Fei Long quite deliberately lowered himself beside her. She shivered as his sleeve brushed against her arm.

‘Are you cold?’

She shook her head, though she pulled her arms tighter around herself, her pulse racing. Fei Long breathed deep to take in the clean essence of the morning, then exhaled slowly. She was already reaching out to take in as much of him as she could: the broad shape of his hands, the quiet strength of his presence. Warmth and security radiated from him.

‘Please don’t give me any more advice,’ she said as he started to speak. A hundred crickets were already chirping away in her head.

‘I was only going to say that you don’t have to worry.’

She nodded, even though she could already feel her tongue growing thick at all the proper speech she would need to coax from it that day.

‘As long as you don’t throw any tea on Inspector Tong, you’ll be all right,’ he continued, amused.

The reminder of their first meeting unsettled her even more. It hinted of a false intimacy between them. They had no right to share such memories.

I’m only doing this for you, she wanted to cry out. Instead it wasn’t even a whisper. He would never truly understand and the knowledge wounded her.

She smoothed her skirt over her knees nervously. ‘I wish Inspector Tong was here right now so it could be done with.’

‘I know.’

‘Maybe you should have asked Bai Shen to stand in and play Pearl instead,’ she suggested.

Fei Long laughed and the warmth from it penetrated the coolness of the morning. ‘You’re much better for the role.’

He sat with her in silence on the stone bench while the sky lightened to purple, then pink. Gradually the morning chased back the shadows.

‘Are you sure you can count on Bai Shen, as unpredictable as he is in the morning?’ she asked.

‘He can always be trusted when there’s a performance. That’s exactly what this morning will be for him.’

Fei Long had moved closer to her, or somehow she had inched closer to him. In another time, in another life, he might put his arm around her. There would be no arranged marriage and no alliance. She’d have more than a few glances and incidental moments between them.

But then, what next? She didn’t even know enough about proper courtship to fill out her misbegotten fantasies.

‘A performance for us as well.’ She looked to him, admiring the strong lines of his profile in the morning light. When he turned to her, she refused to look away. ‘Promise me you’ll stay beside me the entire time.’

‘I promise.’

His gaze held on to her and she knew then that Fei Long wouldn’t let anything happen. She would do this for him. So he could be proud and think well of her.

* * *

Old Liang sent the stable boy to keep watch at the ward gate and he returned with news shortly before the Horse hour. Inspector Tong was heading towards them accompanied only by a single attendant.

‘Minister Cao isn’t with him,’ Dao confirmed as she rushed inside to take her place.

Yan Ling sat upon the couch in the front parlour as they had practised. Fei Long was seated across from her. Her heart pounded so hard she feared it would seize up. Her palms sweated. She rubbed them against her sleeves, but within moments they were damp again.

‘Don’t worry.’ To her surprise, Fei Long reached out to squeeze her hand before rising. ‘You’ll do fine, Pearl.’

He gave her a reassuring nod. The look she returned him was wide-eyed with fear. She felt like a hunted animal caught in a snare while she waited. Voices came from the front of the house and Fei Long disappeared around the corner. This was it. The deception began here and they couldn’t turn back.

‘Dao!’ she whispered fiercely.

‘What?’ The hissed reply came back from behind the screen.

A wave of light-headedness took hold of Yan Ling and her stomach churned. ‘I’m going to faint.’

‘Don’t you dare!’ Dao warned.

And that was the final word. Fei Long had returned with a middle-aged man wearing an indigo robe. His headdress marked him as a government official of high rank. His severe expression marked him as one who hadn’t set out to be cordial.

Yan Ling stood. She didn’t know if the motion was suitably graceful or not. Her knees were shaking.

‘Inspector Tong.’ She bowed and sent a prayer of thanks to the Goddess of Mercy that her voice didn’t shake as well.

‘Lady Chang.’ The minister fixed his slanted gaze on her. His thick beard and stark eyes reminded her of pictures of the judge of the underworld. ‘This servant is humbled to make your acquaintance.’

Already the exchange had become confusing. Tong was her elder and of unquestionably high rank. Yet he referred to himself as if he were of lower rank. Was it because she was a lady? Being a woman never afforded her any respect in the teahouse. Or was it because she was supposed to take on the rank of princess?

Caught speechless with doubt, Yan Ling bowed again. She was doing that too much, but she couldn’t help herself. ‘Welcome, please. Won’t you have some tea?’

Thank the heavens for tea. How did people ever come together without it?

They took their places in the chairs around the low table. Fei Long sat beside her on the couch, much as he had that morning on the stone bench. He gave her a reassuring look.

‘Are you well, Lady Chang?’ Tong’s voice boomed in the parlour, entirely too loud and strident for such a casual setting. ‘You seem pale.’

‘Umm…perhaps I’ve been avoiding the sun lately. It…umm…makes me dizzy.’

Tong frowned. ‘I hope you’re well enough for the long journey.’

‘My sister is quite well,’ Fei Long cut in. ‘Though perhaps nervous. She has lived here all her life.’

‘Yes, but I’m also quite excited,’ Yan Ling chimed in, a bit too emphatically. ‘And I hear the Khitans like fair-skinned women.’

What were these words coming from her lips? Fei Long stiffened beside her, but said nothing. Dao came out with the tea tray as rehearsed. The porcelain cups rattled together as she set the tray down on the table in an echo of Yan Ling’s jostled nerves.

In her flustered state, she made another mistake, reaching out to grab the teapot. Dao’s hand collided against hers. Inspector Tong’s gaze bore down on her.

How long was this visit going to last? She was already sweating beneath the layers of gauze and silk. Yan Ling poured the tea for all of them and then sat back, her hands folded so tightly in her lap that her knuckles ached. That would keep her from doing anything else inappropriate with them.

‘First we must thank Lady Chang for her sacrifice to the empire.’

Sacrifice? She looked questioningly to Fei Long, who responded calmly. ‘Our family is happy to be able to perform such a duty.’

The minister went on. ‘The lady must know that this is a most important task we have entrusted to her.’

‘Yes. Very important, indeed.’

‘The Khitan lords have been growing more aggressive. There are rumours of a power struggle in the region. We must secure an alliance with their leader as soon as possible. Easier to send one princess than an armed legion.’

His words echoed in her ears. Aggressive. Power struggle. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. ‘A wedding is always preferable to a war,’ she said, her voice thin.

‘Inspector Tong.’ Fei Long addressed the official with a sternness that surprised and impressed her. ‘Khitan has been our ally for decades now. I don’t see why you’ve chosen to present them in this way to my sister.’

‘Lady Chang should know the reality of this alliance. A woman might become frightened if thrown into an unexpected situation.’

‘Pearl doesn’t frighten easily.’ Fei Long covered her hand with his. Whether it was an act or not, she was grateful. ‘And keeping the peace is the duty of the foreign ministry and the ambassadors.’

‘So it is,’ Tong replied coldly.

What was all this talk of strife and power struggles? Wasn’t she going to become a princess and a bride?

The minister continued with more neutral topics. The Khitan delegation was set to arrive in two months, in the middle of the summer. She would be escorted to the palace first and then she would be presented to the delegation by the Emperor himself.

‘What happens if they find out I’m not truly a princess?’

She’d said the wrong thing again. She knew it from the way Fei Long tensed beside her. Duty and humility, Bai Shen had instructed. None of these meddlesome questions.

‘But you are a princess,’ Tong replied. ‘Our divine Emperor has declared it so.’

She was beginning to understand. Heqin wasn’t about marriage at all. It was an arrangement between kingdoms and ambassadors. She would serve as a puppet. Well, that was fine. An imperial puppet was regarded more highly than a teahouse girl.

‘I will do my best to be worthy of such an honour,’ she said gravely.

At the end of the visit, Tong rose to go, but he threw one last question at her like an unexpected dagger.

‘It must be hard for a young woman to be going so far away from home,’ he said.

The words sounded like kindness, but she knew better. She chose her words carefully, trying to make them as obsequious and flattering as possible. ‘I will miss my home and our beautiful empire without question. Every woman must leave home at some point in her life.’

‘What of imperial candidate Zheng Xie Han? I hear he was a childhood friend of yours.’

The name meant nothing. She glanced at Fei Long and was met by the stone wall of his expression. A prickle of sweat began to gather at her brow, but she didn’t dare wipe it away.

‘Of course, I will miss all our neighbours and friends, Inspector Tong,’ she ventured. ‘They have been unbelievably kind upon my father’s death.’

And at that mention, Tong was forced to bow his head reverently and say a few kind words about the elder Lord Chang.

As he gave his final farewell, Tong lowered his voice and spoke directly to Fei Long. ‘Did you know that candidate Zheng is missing?’

‘I wasn’t aware. Our families are not very close.’

She stood respectfully and watched as the two men exchanged bows. Her stomach knotted as she went over each one of her stumbles. As soon as the censor was gone, Yan Ling let out a long sigh of relief. It was the deepest breath she’d taken in over an hour. ‘I’m so sorry. I had no idea who Zhang Xie Han was.’

‘No need to apologise.’ A light smile touched Fei Long’s lips. ‘Tong was trying to break your focus, but you were perfect. Absolutely brilliant.’

Brilliant, despite the way her throat was dry and her nails dug into her palms. Her face ached from forcing a blank and pleasant expression for so long. Yan Ling didn’t know what she had done to earn his praise, but to hear such words coming from Fei Long—she glowed like a lantern inside.