My Fair Concubine

chapter Ten



Fei Long enjoyed the staging as Bai Shen duelled with the old swordsman, who was of course played by a young actor. The swordsman showed off by spinning his staff in a windmill motion; one hand over the other, the lines of the staff blurring while its shadow danced over the stage. He finished his routine by twirling and tossing the staff so high that it was lost in the night before it spun back down into his hands.

The audience murmured with appreciation and applauded. After a few drumbeats, the ‘maiden’ responded with an acrobatic routine that was fluid and graceful. She leapt and turned, her robes emphasising her movements so that she seemed to float through the air.

Bai Shen made up for his lack of discipline in the drinking house with rigorous dedication to his art. Fei Long knew that the actors of the troupe trained as hard as imperial soldiers every day to be able to work their physically demanding roles.

‘He’s good!’ Yan Ling exclaimed with delight.

Fei Long glanced over at her and she seemed to remember herself. She leaned forwards and he bent his head to accommodate her.

‘Bai Shen is really good,’ she whispered, her breath soft against his ear.

‘It takes many years,’ he explained, ignoring the warming of his body. ‘He trained in acrobatics and dance from an early age.’

She straightened to watch the performance. As she moved away, her cheek brushed against his in a butterfly movement and every muscle in his body absorbed the touch. He stared ahead, but was only nominally aware of what was happening on stage.

The maiden defeated the old man and journeyed to meet the king. There she was challenged by a hundred champions, ushering in a major acrobatic routine involving tumblers and dancers dressed in all different colours.

Fei Long couldn’t resist looking to Yan Ling once again at the height of the scene. Her gaze was fixed on the stage, face upturned. The halo of the lanterns illuminated her so that he had no choice but to see.

They had spent every moment together for the past few weeks, on the road and then at his home and yet he hadn’t seen. They had shared meals, slept in close quarters, and he had never noticed. She was just a teahouse girl. A grey shadow. A stray kitten.

Now Yan Ling seemed too far away. He wanted to be next to her so they could watch the adventure unfold. She would whisper questions to him. What does the story mean? Who does that figure represent? And he’d answer. He’d make up answers just to have something to say to her.

He’d fooled himself into thinking Yan Ling was reserved and unassuming. She was so conscientious about her lessons, anxious over even the smallest of mistakes. Seeing her like this reminded him of how she’d been during that first journey. She had been endlessly curious and eager until he’d stolen the light from her eyes.

Perhaps he needed to remind himself of his duty to the empire and to her. By summertime, she would be gone, sent to some faceless Khitan lord in the untamed grasslands of the north.

Fei Long turned back to face the stage before she could notice his unseemly attention.

Bai Shen finished his dance with a dramatic thump of his spear as he stood to attention, the courageous maiden ready for war. The audience applauded loudly, then the drums beat out a pounding staccato as the troupe scattered to set up for the next scene. Bai Shen, the incorrigible creature, turned to them and winked. Fei Long could hear Yan Ling’s laughter just over his shoulder while he sat in isolation, unable to share in it.

He was the only one not in disguise that night, yet he was the one hiding.

* * *

After the show ended, he tried to impress upon Yan Ling that it was late and they needed to return, but she insisted they find Bai Shen.

‘We have to tell him how wonderful he was,’ she said.

‘He may hear that too much already,’ Fei Long replied drily.

She was already trying to weave her way through the crowd towards the stage and having little success. He caught up with her easily while she stood on her toes, trying to search around two tall men blocking her path. It was impossible to resist Yan Ling in her exuberance.

‘Come along,’ he conceded. ‘I know where to find him.’

They circled the stage area to the far end of the gardens to exit through the rear gate. The streets on this side of the gardens were quieter. Sounds of celebration from the main thoroughfare remained an enticing murmur in the distance.

It had been a few years, but Fei Long was able to navigate his way through the hutong alleyways to the familiar entrance. Performers slipped in and out through the gate, but no one paid the two of them any attention as they entered.

The courtyard had the same hapless appearance he remembered, with shrubbery that was overgrown and clinging to life. The complex was divided into many small apartments where the actors and musicians of the theatre troupe stayed. Laughter and lively conversation echoed from within the depths of the building. Spirits were high in the wake of a successful performance.

‘Bai Shen’s chamber is at the west end,’ he told Yan Ling. ‘Far away from the rising sun, he always said. I’ve put him there enough times after a night of drinking.’

‘What interesting times you two must have had in your youth.’

Fei Long had no desire to drag out those stories. He shot her a cryptic look and proceeded to the apartment situated in the western corner. The door was open and light streamed from it. For propriety’s sake, what little propriety could be preserved, he held her back while he looked into the room first.

‘The illustrious Fei Long!’ Bai Shen crowed. He stood before a dressing table and mirror, still in full costume.

‘Someone wanted to tell you what she thought of your performance.’

At his signal, Yan Ling came bounding in excitedly. ‘Bai Shen, you look so pretty.’

Bai Shen did a half-turn to show off the jade-green robes. ‘And you, young sir, look quite handsome.’ He nodded at the servant’s robe with approval.

‘I didn’t know you could tumble like that. Can you show me?’

‘You’d hurt yourself.’

The three of them crowded into the room, which was cluttered with costumes and props. Bai Shen and Yan Ling chattered away like excited children. Yan Ling took the elaborate warrior headdress from him and tried it on. Fei Long laughed at the sight of her, his entire being lifting and lightening in the intimate refuge of the chamber. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the door frame, content to watch while she asked question after question about the performance as Bai Shen washed away his make-up.

‘What about your little performance, pretty lady?’ Bai Shen asked, once he had cleaned away the white paint and dark kohl around his eyes.

‘I was so nervous. I think I said too much.’ She looked to Fei Long for a final report.

‘She was exceptional. Inspector Tong has no reason to doubt.’

Yan Ling smiled happily.

Maybe he’d been wrong to keep her so isolated within the house. There was always the risk of being discovered, but she seemed so vibrant tonight when no longer trapped within the confines of the inner chambers. Yan Ling hungered for new sights and sounds. Perhaps if they were careful, she could go out into the marketplace and explore the gardens and temples of the city. He could take her himself. The thought sent unexpected warmth to his chest.

‘We should celebrate, then.’ Bai Shen peeled away the outer layers of his robe and hung them on to a hook on the wall. Bit by bit, the man re-emerged. ‘Besides, Fei Long here owes my friends for detaining the honorable Minister Cao.’

‘Another time,’ Fei Long said.

Yan Ling looked mournful. ‘But it’s still so early.’

‘It’s the nearly the end of the twelfth hour.’

‘Quite early,’ Bai Shen scoffed. ‘Don’t worry. None of your courtly folk will be at this drinking house.’

It wasn’t so much he feared discovery. Maybe he just wanted to have Yan Ling alone for a moment away from the crowds. Away even from Bai Shen.

‘An hour,’ she negotiated, fixing a shrewd look on him as if she were haggling in the morning market.

He was being selfish. If she wanted adventure, he supposed this was an innocent way of giving it to her.

‘An hour,’ he conceded.

‘There,’ Bai Shen declared. ‘I should have told you the men of the Chang family could never resist a charming lady.’ He pinched her cheek. ‘I have to teach you a prettier face than that one you used.’

‘Hurry up and get dressed,’ Fei Long said with a scowl. He ushered Yan Ling out into the courtyard. ‘Bai Shen flirts with everyone.’

She blinked innocently. ‘He was flirting with me?’

Lately, he found himself growing impatient with the

actor’s antics. Bai Shen seemed to think that he had complete freedom to exhibit whatever outrageous behaviour required to get attention. He scattered compliments to the breeze without thought or care.

‘Bai Shen and his friends are shameless. Things can get rowdy,’ he warned.

‘You wound me, Fei Long.’ Bai Shen emerged, looking more himself. He’d thrown on an embroidered robe with blue-and-crimson accents, just a touch less ostentatious than his stage costume. ‘Have you forgotten your adventurous student days?’

‘I was recalling them quite clearly.’

‘Fei Long could outdrink the best of us.’

‘Or the worst of you,’ he countered.

She smiled at their exchange. ‘All I’ve ever seen him drink is tea.’

‘I could tell you some stories…’

Bai Shen took Yan Ling under his wing conspiratorially, but Fei Long stopped them before they got too far.

‘Appearances,’ he reminded, looking pointedly to the arm draped over Yan Ling’s shoulder.

The actor removed his hold with a smirk. ‘Of course. One must always keep up appearances, Lord Chang.’

The scoundrel was looking for mischief. Fei Long positioned himself securely beside Yan Ling as they continued towards Bai Shen’s favourite establishment.

The place was close. Just a stagger away, if it came to that. The drinking house was much as he remembered it. Unassuming, with none of the banners and embellishments of the businesses along the main avenue. A scroll of two golden carp circled on the wall just inside the door.

The first floor was divided into two parlours, left and right. The décor was also simple. Low wooden tables upon bamboo mats. Patrons would crowd into the room, find a comfortable spot on the floor among the pillows and rugs, and spirits would be passed around.

It was common, almost required, for scholars to engage in nights of drinking and poetry. When he’d been a candidate for the imperial exams, Fei Long had found himself drawn towards these lesser-known houses, mixing with people like Li Bai Shen and his nameless friends. His father’s reputation glared too brightly in the renowned establishments along the main avenue.

The performers had already gathered in one of the parlours. One of their own sat at the centre, plucking the strings of a pipa. There was a cup of wine in every hand.

‘Chang Fei Long!’

A chorus of greetings rose up. A few he recognised as old comrades. Others were simply joining in with the crowd. They cleared away a spot at the table and he directed Yan Ling to sit beside him. She stared from one end of the room to the other with curious excitement.

‘Penalty drink,’ someone declared. ‘Penalty for arriving late.’

‘Hot tea,’ Fei Long said to the serving girl as she came to set more flasks on the table.

A round of jeers met his request, which he accepted good-naturedly.

‘Now hear this.’ Bai Shen quickly took position as the centre of attention. ‘Fei Long is a reformed and respectable gentleman now who has very honourably offered to pay for our drinks tonight.’

More cheers at that. Fei Long thought of the dreaded ledger book. More numbers to subtract, but he did owe this crowd a debt for whatever they had done to detain Minister Cao. He nodded graciously as a rain of toasts came at him.

Bai Shen was still going. ‘Now, I’ll take my punishment as deserved, but since his lordship is enjoying his tea, his servant there will have to drink for him.’

Someone pushed a cup into Yan Ling’s hand while Bai Shen looked on with great amusement. She peered at the clear liquid.

‘My lord,’ she whispered. ‘What is this?’

‘Baijiu.’ Fei Long was quite familiar with the distilled rice liquor that this crowd favoured.

‘All at once is how it’s done.’ Bai Shen lifted his cup to her. ‘I know how important it is for you to uphold the Chang family honour.’

Fei Long eyed the actor. ‘What are you playing at?’ he asked quietly.

His friend grinned before tossing back his drink. Yan Ling tried to do the same. She swallowed with difficulty. A moment later her eyes shot wide and her mouth contorted into a grimace.

‘It doesn’t taste so bad if you don’t make that face,’ Bai Shen said with a laugh.

The crowd roared with approval as she doubled over coughing. Fei Long closed a hand over her shoulder to steady her.

‘Are you all right?’

Yan Ling finally righted herself and looked at him, eyes watering. ‘Fine,’ she choked out. Then, ‘That was awful.’

She pressed her fingers to her throat in a gesture that was all too delicate. Already there was a slight flush to her cheeks that he couldn’t describe as anything but alluring. The party had resumed around them in a swirling mass of conversation. This crowd of actors likely recognised she was female, but they’d go along with the ruse.

‘I suggest you don’t do that again.’ He handed her some tea to help soothe her throat.

‘There’s no danger of that,’ she promised, taking a grateful sip.

But within minutes, the burning in her throat had eased and she decided that perhaps baijiu wasn’t so bad after all. A slow, not unpleasant warmth spread through her muscles. Someone else pushed a cup of warmed wine into her hands. She looked to Fei Long uncertainly, but he was in conversation with the fellow next to him.

Why did she have to ask for permission? She was always searching for approval and acceptance from him. It was exhausting.

This time she sipped slowly. Unlike the liquor, the wine was slightly sweet and the burn of it on her tongue was even enjoyable. Gradually the flush of it crept all the way to her fingertips and the crest of her cheeks.

At first she tried to follow the conversations as they were tossed across the room. There was poetry, interwoven with riddles, interwoven with bawdy insults. It was an intricate puzzle with no beginning, no end. She found herself smiling, nodding.

‘So you have to hear how we distracted the minister,’ Bai Shen was saying.

The room quieted somewhat to listen. Apparently several of the performers had been involved in the caper as well, but Bai Shen was designated as the storyteller.

‘We had three plans.’ He held up a finger dramatically. ‘One: delay him in the ministry building with a civil dispute. Two: if the first one failed, we’d pose as porters and carry his sedan off on a wild chase through the city. Three: we’d simply have to accost the senior minister and steal all his clothes.’

‘I told you nothing that would get you thrown in jail or I would disown you,’ Fei Long protested.

‘Disown me?’

‘No, honourable judge. I’ve never seen this man before,’ Fei Long intoned.

‘That’s because it was dark and I was dressed as a woman.’

The crowd hooted at Bai Shen’s jest.

‘He said I was as pretty as a spring flower,’ Bai Shen finished, to the roar of the audience.

Fei Long’s deep laughter resonated beside her. It filled the room wonderfully and warmed her even more thoroughly than the wine.

‘You should laugh more often,’ she told him before she could stop herself.

He regarded her closely. The laughter remained in his eyes as he gently pried the cup from her hands and set it aside. Bai Shen went on to describe the elaborate show they had performed before Minister Cao, but she was more curious about Fei Long.

‘How long were you studying for the imperial exams?’

He had to lean in to hear her and she repeated the question.

‘Only a year,’ he replied.

‘Is that long?’

The spirit of the room was boisterous and full of joy and celebration. Fei Long had also relaxed. He seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself, as if this night wasn’t just a chore and a duty. The clamour of the others around the table pushed them closer together. Her knee brushed up against his, but he disregarded it. Her pulse skipped faster, swept up in the recklessness and the gaiety.

‘It’s common to study for the exams for two or more years,’ he said. ‘But I never took the civil exams.’

‘Why not?’

‘I decided to go into military service instead.’

‘Are there exams for that as well?’ she asked.

‘There are indeed,’ he said. ‘There are military classics to study and then the physical tests. Horse riding, archery, sword skill.’

Casually, he reached behind her to pull one of the pillows closer for her. She leaned back against it, before realising how odd the gesture must have looked to anyone who was watching. She was supposed to be his servant.

‘Why did you decide to change? Your father was already a highly respected official.’ She became a bit flustered when she realised how much it seemed like she was questioning his decision. ‘I mean, your military appointment took you so far away from home.’

Fei Long frowned and for a moment she feared she had been too impertinent, but he was only considering her question.

‘Perhaps I didn’t mind seeing what was outside of Changan. Otherwise I might have drowned in the pleasure quarters with these fools here.’ He nodded indulgently at the crew surrounding them.

‘I don’t believe that,’ she said.

‘No?’ He leaned closer to her as they spoke, the crowd jostling them together. ‘I was young, brash, with no knowledge of limits—’

She giggled at that. ‘As if you’re so old now.’

He shot her an admonishing look, but there was a warmth behind it that made her toes curl happily.

‘I found I wasn’t any good at being a scholar,’ he confessed.

‘Fei Long!’ The man who played the King called out from the other end of the table. ‘Are you still a master with the bow and arrow? I won a lot of money at that match.’

Their conversation had been overheard. For a moment, she was embarrassed that she had been quite so personal with her questions, but Fei Long never spoke so openly when they were alone.

‘Our Lord Chang is like the legendary Houyi,’ Bai Shen boasted.

Fei Long waved his hand in modest denial. She lit up when he turned back to resume their conversation rather than banter with the others.

‘They’re talking about the Great Shoot,’ he explained. ‘I competed in one before passing the military exam.’

The hard lines of his face had softened. Usually she grew anxious whenever he focused his attention on her, but tonight he wasn’t looking to instruct. Fei Long was more relaxed and they could speak as if they were…she didn’t know what they were. Friends?

‘Is it dangerous being in the imperial army?’ The question brought on a bout of shyness. She tried to mask her concern behind simple curiosity.

He paused to consider it. ‘I’ve sworn to protect our land, but we have been free from rebellion for many years now. And this Emperor prefers diplomacy to warfare with the neighbouring kingdoms.’

‘Like with the peace marriages?’

His gaze fixed on her, the sudden depth of it making her stomach flutter. The knot in his throat lifted and lowered as he swallowed.

‘Your face is red,’ he said lightly, not answering her question.

‘What?’

‘The wine.’ He smiled, amused, but there was a hint of strain beneath it.

‘Oh! Does it look awful?’

She pressed her hands over her cheeks. Her skin flushed hot, but she couldn’t tell if it was from the spirits or how Fei Long had looked at her. It was a drawn-out, thoughtful look. The way a man regarded a woman.

‘I’ve never had much to drink before,’ she confessed.

‘I can see that.’

The moment between them broke and she turned away to seek some diversion. She could feel Fei Long’s gaze, heavy and thoughtful, on her. She didn’t dare ask what it was that he saw.

The musician had pulled out his pipa again. He’d started up a song and the troupe joined in, singing loudly as if each one were trying to outdo the other. She fell silent, letting the music and the laughter hide her while she cradled the gem of her conversation with Fei Long close to her breast. She’d often wondered what his life was like before he had returned to Changan. She wondered if he would go away again once she left.

Soon the banter droned hazily around her and she fought to keep her eyes open. She waved away an offer of more wine. Vaguely, she registered the start of some drinking game, but her head was starting to feel heavy.

The next thing she knew, she was leaning against something. She’d fallen asleep while the party continued without her. Blinking drowsily, she opened her eyes to see Bai Shen watching her with a wide grin.

‘Wake up, young sir. You don’t want Fei Long to have to cut off his sleeve for you.’

Fei Long. Her cheek was pressed against his shoulder and she could feel the steady rise of his chest beneath her fingertips where she rested them against him almost possessively. She’d fallen asleep on him, of all things!

Her cap fell off as she righted herself in horror. She fumbled with it hopelessly. ‘I—I’m sorry.’

Fei Long didn’t appear angry as he looked down at her. ‘It’s time to go.’

She stumbled as they untangled themselves from the troupe, but Fei Long steadied her and soon they were free, standing on the edge of the party.

Bai Shen bowed, palm to fist, in a formal farewell. His regret at their departure didn’t last long as he was caught up in another conversation. The festivities would no doubt continue once they left.

‘I should pay…’ She realised it only once they were beyond the threshold of the entrance. Her mind was still clouded with sleep. She was posing as his servant and supposed to open doors and handle money.

‘I’ve taken care of it.’ Fei Long guided her onto the street with a hand against her back.

The city became a maze of alleyways and unfamiliar streets in the haze. Dutifully, she followed along beside Fei Long, her step not quite steady. The lanterns of the drinking houses were still burning along the main avenue. Their halos became fuzzy and distorted before her.

What time was it? She yawned again.

Dimly, she recalled passing through the ward gate. She waited while Fei Long showed his pass. One moment, she was awake. In the next, she’d drifted into sleep on her feet.

‘Come,’ he said.

She plodded along beside him again. The way back seemed so much further than the way there, if that was possible. The oversized boots were more a hindrance now as they wobbled about her ankles. At some point, she stopped to adjust them and found herself once again dozing, her back propped against the brick wall of an alleyway.

‘It’s not far now.’

She opened her eyes and Fei Long was right before her. He was holding the lantern now, as she could no longer be trusted with it. His face was partly in shadow and she could see the glow of moonlight beyond him.

‘I didn’t drink that much,’ she said.

‘I know. Come on, you.’ He looked so pleasant and indulgent and wonderful.

She should tell him now. Tell him something about the feelings growing inside her.

Once they returned to the mansion, there would so many barriers between them. Heavy veils of propriety and class, like the silken layers of those cursedly beautiful robes. Those walls were down tonight and he was standing so close, looking at her in that way again. She didn’t know what that way was, only that it was different. She wanted to confess right here in this darkened alley. It was irrational, but it made more sense now than it ever would.

‘Fei Long.’ She held her breath.

‘Yes?’

Her voice sounded soft, plaintive. Vulnerable. She was being stupid.

‘I enjoyed tonight very much.’

‘Good.’

She couldn’t tell if he was irritated with her. He just sounded like he always did: solid, steady, unreadable.

‘I mean tonight was so very…good. Thank you.’

‘It was nothing.’

Her face burned at the warmth in his voice.

In the end, she couldn’t do it. Soon, they were walking again. Such a confession—unsightly with feeling, like some lovesick maiden’s lament. She’d do nothing but shame herself and embarrass Fei Long. Even worse, she might bring his derision upon her.

At some point, her left boot slipped and she stumbled. Fei Long caught her, but before she could mumble an apology, he cast the lantern aside and lifted her in his arms. Her breath caught in her throat as he cradled her against his chest. His muscles tensed against her weight.

‘But we’ll be seen,’ she protested.

‘It’s not far now.’

He adjusted his hold and started walking, making much better time without her stumbling beside him. Nervously, she curled her arms about his neck. There was no good place to hold on otherwise.

She was close enough to feel the beat of his heart against her, the soft labour of his breath. She stared at the strong cut of his jaw in profile and then she was drifting again, lulled by the confident rhythm of his stride and the enfolding heat of his body.

* * *

The next time she opened her eyes, she was gazing at the familiar rooftops of their courtyard. The view faded and then they were in her room and Fei Long was easing her into bed. Her heart thudded while she lay as still as she possibly could.

The darkness of the chamber made it impossible to see, but she could sense Fei Long above her. She could hear the sound of his breathing and feel his weight as he moved. He bent to reach for her boot and tugged it free. His touch just above her ankle was wickedly out of place and too intimate. A nobleman performing this servant’s gesture.

She should tell him she was awake, that he could go, but she couldn’t find her voice. Her breath came only in shallow gasps. Fei Long placed his hand firmly on her calf. Sensation radiated from his simple touch. Beloved heat coursed through her veins, pooling as a low tremor in her belly.

The second boot was off. Fei Long pulled the blanket over her and when he moved to tuck it about her shoulders, she found herself eye to eye with him. She hadn’t even enough sense to close them and pretend to sleep. Her skin flushed hot, though the wine had long burned away.

He didn’t say anything. The back of his fingers brushed gently over her cheek. A touch so brief, she couldn’t be sure it wasn’t inadvertent. She did close her eyes then, inhaling once, then exhaling.

Yan Ling didn’t know if she slept. When she opened her eyes again, it was still night time, but Fei Long was gone.