My Fair Concubine

chapter Twenty-Three



There was heat around him. Tight, silken flesh. Yan Ling.

Yan Ling.

Her body lifted and he closed his arms around her, using the leverage to take her more fully. He couldn’t get enough. His release built rapidly. Her body tightened unbearably around him as if urging him on. He complied. He had no choice.

His muscles locked as he peaked. He bowed his head against her neck in surrender and worship. His hands dug into the small of her back to angle her hips for his final thrusts. It was greed that made him seek every last drop of pleasure.

His body released into her and then Fei Long stilled, drained of everything that had been building inside him for so long. Only then did his senses come back to him.

Fei Long didn’t know what to say. He relaxed his hold on her, not realising until then how hard he’d gripped her in his frenzy. Yan was a slight, slender woman and he’d forgotten in the burn of desire. He’d used her so completely.

‘Did I hurt you?’ he asked, which was an unreasonable question to ask once all was done.

‘No.’

The silence stretched on. Fei Long raised himself up so that he could see Yan Ling. Her hair was in disarray. Her eyes were lidded and sensual and her skin radiated with an inner light. Beautiful.

He touched two fingers to her cheek. ‘Are you all right, Yan?’

She nodded, but winced slightly as he withdrew from her. Yan Ling was a maiden and he had completely forgotten himself, taking her roughly for his own pleasure. Shame gutted him.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, his voice hoarse with remorse.

‘Sorry?’ Her tone became guarded.

‘You’re inexperienced and I was—’ he fought for the right word ‘—impatient.’

Yan Ling stared at him. Suddenly her eyes grew wide and she burst into laughter. She shook with it and he could sense every tiny vibration with her lying beneath him. The clear, sweet sound warmed his soul.

‘Impatient?’ She wiped at the corner of her eyes, she was laughing so hard. ‘I suppose all that calligraphy didn’t help after all.’

‘No,’ he said, his chest swelling with fondness. ‘Not at all.’

All those days, writing her name over and over like a lovesick scholar. Wasn’t he quite the tragic hero?

He held her closer. Kissed her forehead, the bridge of her nose. Anywhere that he’d neglected her. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against his shoulder.

‘I didn’t mind,’ she said softly, shyly. Which in itself was new. He’d never known Yan Ling to be particularly shy.

Fei Long eased her back to the bed and kissed her mouth tenderly. Took time now to explore the rise and curve of her breasts. Her figure was slight, but perfectly rounded. He ran his hands down her waist, her hips, seeing her once again for the first time.

It should have been their wedding night. A night of discovery. He treated it now as if it was, learning the smooth skin of her inner arm, the rougher texture of her hands. Not a lady’s hands, but he loved them because they were hers and they told a story that was no one else’s.

Yan Ling explored him as well, running her hands over his chest and down his arms and back. She stroked his side lightly, very lightly, asking him if it hurt. It didn’t. All the pain had disappeared. Or rather it had become insignificant in the wake of something much greater.

Her touch grew bolder and his body heated. But it was a steady fire this time. He was able to give her the patience and discipline he strived for, letting her arousal build, entering her with care. Even as her heat surrounded him, he watched Yan Ling, striving to learn the nuances of her passion before the fire took him.

He held himself back long enough to feel her convulse and shudder. The pressure gathered in his lower back, nearly unbearable. He fought it back while her nails bit into his shoulders. The sound of her broken cries of pleasure finally pushed him over. He couldn’t hold back any longer. The climax ravaged his body before it released him.

Then they were still. An absolute and rare peace like no other.

But the peace didn’t last. Yan Ling kissed his shoulder once, then grew serious. ‘What are we going to do, Fei Long?’

‘Fall asleep.’ He slid down beside her and pulled the blanket around both of them.

Her lips pressed tight as she bit back her protest. He was relieved. He’d already placed too much of a burden on Yan Ling and it had been wrong of him to do so. He’d find a solution—he didn’t know what, but he would. She didn’t need to worry about it.

Yan came to him, resting her head in the crook of his neck. Her hand drew a lazy pattern over his chest. Eventually she began to drift. Her soft weight grew heavy in sleep. He stayed awake a while longer to watch her.

All Yan Ling needed to know was that he’d take care of her. She didn’t need to sacrifice herself for his sake. From the beginning, he was the one who should have been prepared to give up everything.

* * *

Yan Ling opened her eyes. The chirp of birdsong outside told her morning was near, though it was still dark. For a moment she floated, still soaked in sleep, until memories of the night came back to her. She was in Fei Long’s chamber. In Fei Long’s bed.

She faced outwards from the alcove. The dimness washed the colour from everything, leaving the room in shapes and shadows. She could feel the cradle of Fei Long’s body nestled securely behind her.

‘Are you awake?’ He ran a soothing hand from her arm up her shoulder.

She nodded, making a sound of acknowledgement even as she closed her eyes again. She didn’t want to wake yet. It would mean she’d have to get up. She’d have to set foot outside this chamber and face what they were both afraid to admit. What they had couldn’t exist outside these closed doors.

‘Do you know how many times I agonised over this part of your neck or this one ear?’ His mouth brushed over her neck before he took her earlobe between his lips, sucking gently. A shiver ran down her spine, making her breath catch and her toes curl restlessly. ‘You would gather your hair with your hands and sweep it over your shoulder to keep it out of the way before you’d begin to write. And I’d watch you, barely able to breathe.’

She squirmed against him, pleased. ‘I never knew.’

He ran his hand between her breasts and down over the flat of her stomach. His voice was low and sensual in her ear. ‘The sight of your wrists would make me ache. You once brushed your bare forearm over mine while we were looking at a map.’

So many little moments. She remembered them, too. She’d held them close to her breast as secret memories that only she held dear. But she’d been mistaken.

Fei Long’s hand had reached her leg. He ran the flat of his palm over her in a broad, soothing motion before gently parting her thighs.

‘Are you still sore?’

His voice was heavy with desire and her pulse quickened. Her body grew damp even before he touched her. His fingers stroked lightly. She whimpered and arched her back into him. He drew out her desire, touching her until her body became liquid and heat beneath his fingertips.

‘Can it be done this way?’ she murmured in surprise as he positioned her with his hands so her back was to him and she felt the blunt tip of him intimately parting her.

She couldn’t see his face. All she knew of him was through tension and touch. His hand cradled her breast and his body shifted against hers, his legs curving against the back of her thighs.

‘Yes,’ he said, low and enticing against her ear. He slid into her in a slow, consuming penetration that stole her breath. ‘There must be a thousand ways to make love.’

He withdrew slightly before sliding back in. Small, slow movements. He took her with just the shifting of his hips. His hand dipped to slide over the small bud of her sex, adding more pleasure while all she could do was writhe against him. The position left her open and vulnerable, helpless to do anything but accept and feel.

She curved her hand back to sink her fingers into his hair. It was the only way to hold on to him as he filled her, flooding her with sensation. Her other hand closed over his as he caressed her breast.

‘Yes,’ he said again, this time harsher as he urged her on.

Her throat was completely dry and she gasped with each thrust of his hips. Though she barely moved, her heart raced. She could feel Fei Long surrounding her, securing her against his strong body as desire became desperation. Their skin was slick with sweat and heated beyond endurance. She breathed shallowly. His own breathing was laboured and rough.

She sobbed with every sharp tug of pleasure when he touched her just so, lightning quick above the apex of her sex, slow and grinding immediately below where his thick organ filled her.

‘Yes,’ he shuddered as he beseeched her. There were no words for what he wanted, but she wanted it too. ‘Yan,’ he pleaded.

Yan Ling pushed back against him as hard as she could as every muscle within her tightened. His muscled body formed a brace for her in her passion. She cried out, the sound strained within her throat. A vindicating and final rush of pleasure arched through her. An exquisite pain beyond thought.

He increased his penetration at the last edges of her climax, before the last wave had subsided. His hand tightened on her hip to pull her harder against him and he hooked his leg over her to increase his possession. He couldn’t move as deeply in this position, but he didn’t need to. She gasped at the force of his thrusts and the hunger behind it. Her body was swollen with sated pleasure, squeezing tight around him, urging him on to his completion. Only then could they both be free.

He groaned, deep, guttural sounds akin to pain. Her soft cries joined his. It was pain. The most desperate sort of yearning that could only be cleansed in one way. Soon his body shuddered and thrust deep. He held her rigid against him as he lost himself inside her.

These last throes were so beautiful to her in their animal baseness. All thought and civility fled and there was no denying that they belonged to each other. Him to her. Her to him.

Finally she could breathe again. She tucked her arm beneath her, resting her head against it. Fei Long curved his arm around her with languid possession. With his other hand, he

pulled her hair back from her neck and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin. The nearly unbearable heat between their

bodies cooled rapidly to a perfect cocoon of warmth.

She chuckled softly, unable to contain her happiness.

‘What?’ Fei Long asked, his voice thick.

‘Nothing.’ She closed her eyes and snuggled against him.

‘Tell me.’ He gave her hip an impatient shake, perturbed even at this small denial.

‘A storm of passion,’ she murmured, burying her smile against the crook of her arm. ‘You swore there would never be such a thing between us.’

‘This isn’t a storm of passion.’

‘No?’ She wriggled her bottom against him smugly.

‘No.’

Fei Long just couldn’t bear being wrong, could he?

‘This is love,’ he argued.

She stilled, minute tension travelling along her entire body. Fei Long grew quiet as well behind her. All she could hear was his steady breathing. The soft brush of it tickled the hairs at the back of her neck.

Fearfully, she turned in his arms. The morning dimness left him in shadow and she had to strain to see his face.

‘This is love,’ he repeated.

How could he say it so calmly when her insides danced in circles? Her heart roared. She started trembling. In contrast, Fei Long reached out a steady hand to brush her hair away from her eyes.

‘We have to hide away,’ she said. ‘Together.’

He’d come with her, wouldn’t he? He loved her.

He loved her.

‘We’re not going anywhere.’

‘What about Khitan and the betrothal? The Foreign Ministry will come to take me.’

‘They’ll come to take my sister, but I’ll tell them Pearl is gone and I couldn’t stop her.’

She knew it wasn’t as simple as he tried to make it sound. He was being Fei Long again, taking the entire burden on his own shoulders in silence.

‘But Khitan is expecting a princess,’ she argued. ‘And after the assurances you’ve given Minster Cao and Inspector Tong—’

Fei Long remained stoic. ‘I’m prepared for the consequences. Our family name—’ At that, a pained look crossed his face, but he continued. ‘Our family name will suffer. We may never regain honour before the eyes of the imperial court and all of Changan, but this is my burden to bear.’

‘The imperial court could have you beaten for disobedience. They could denounce your family and strip you of everything.’

The enormity of it left a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. After his triumph that morning, she would have thought Fei Long would fight to keep what was his, honour be damned.

‘I have to go,’ she choked out. It made her sick to say it.

‘I won’t let you do this for me.’

‘Not for you.’ She couldn’t look at him. Her body went numb. She needed to be somewhere else, to be someone else to do this. ‘For Dao. For Old Man Liang and the stable boy. For this house.’ And for Fei Long. For his ancestors as well. Could he ever understand? This had become her family as well. ‘I won’t let you give up everything you’ve fought for.’

He reached for her, resting his forehead against hers just as he’d done in the archery park, but there was something different in him this time.

‘If I wasn’t certain before, then I know it now. I know it in my soul.’ His voice grew thick with emotion. ‘When you refused to run away with me, you all but denounced me as a coward.’

‘That wasn’t my intention—’

He silenced her by holding her tighter. ‘You were right. And I realised there were two things I would face ruin for rather than giving up without a fight. Our family home is one. The other is you, Yan.’

‘But you could lose everything,’ she whispered.

‘I’ll face the foreign ministry and the imperial court with head high.’

He lowered his mouth to hers, pouring all his sincerity and intention into a single kiss. ‘Stand beside me,’ he said.

Fei Long was fearless, and she wanted to believe he could succeed.

‘Yes,’ she said when he lifted his head. ‘Always.’

She’d seen Fei Long achieve the impossible, fighting through pain and despair to triumph. If he had enough hope to carry them, then so would she. She tilted her head to return his kiss. At that moment, the chamber door swung open.

‘Exactly as I thought!’ Dao charged into the room, a blue-grey blur, eyes blazing.

Yan Ling sat up and shrieked in surprise, while Fei Long had enough presence of mind to grab the blanket and wrap it around her. Of course that left him fully exposed. One glance at his nakedness and Dao’s eyes widened in alarm. She turned sideways, blushing furiously.

‘This is my private chamber,’ Fei Long admonished.

‘Have you no shame, my lord?’ Dao stared at the wall, keeping her eyes averted while still pointing an accusing finger at him. ‘Using your position to seduce a maiden.’

Apparently Fei Long had no shame. At least not about being unclothed. Yan Ling threw the other end of the blanket over him so that they could huddle together beneath it with her holding one edge and he the other.

It was the first time Yan Ling had heard Dao speak so sharply to Fei Long. She wasn’t spared either. Dao pinned an accusing glare on her next. ‘And you! I thought you were more level-headed than this. I told you not to fall for Fei Long.’

‘Dao, it’s not like that.’

But it was. She had fallen for Fei Long. She’d fallen for him long before Dao or anyone could warn her away.

‘Do you know how much I envied you? If I had a chance to become a princess, I would get on my knees and thank the Goddess of Mercy,’ Dao railed. ‘Instead you let yourself be sweet-talked by…by him! Giving up a good marriage to be some man’s concubine.’

Fei Long bristled. ‘Yan won’t be anyone’s concubine. I want her as my wife.’

‘Truly?’ Yan Ling asked.

‘You must have known after all that—’ He turned to Yan Ling, only to see that the question hadn’t been addressed to him. She was looking at Dao.

‘Truly?’ she asked again. ‘You…envied me?’

Some of the fire faded, but Dao remained fervent. ‘I envied Pearl as well. I’ve barely been outside these few neighbourhoods, let alone the city. Why do you think I listened so ardently to all those stories about Khitan?’

Yan Ling looked speculatively at Dao, then to Fei Long. Then they both looked back at Dao. In contrast to her earlier scolding, she shrank before their mutual gaze.

‘What…what is it?’ she asked meekly.