My Fair Concubine

chapter Twenty



Dao stood beside the open wardrobe, pulling out robes and shawls and scarves in a rainbow of silk. All Yan Ling could do was sit on the bed and stare at the wooden trunk set between them. She was a lady again with embroidered slippers on her feet and jewelled pins in her hair.

‘None of these belong to me,’ Yan Ling protested. She had folded up an armful of robes, but no matter how much she packed away, Dao seemed to produce more.

‘You have to look like a princess when you’re in Khitan. Besides, there’s no one here to wear them either.’

‘You should have them.’

Dao made a dismissive sound, but then she reconsidered. ‘Maybe this one,’ she said, holding up a pink gown with a design of snow-white cherry blossoms.

‘That one looks beautiful on you,’ Yan Ling replied absently.

As far as Dao knew, the day had begun like any other. The interlude at the park had never happened. Fei Long had never asked her to give up everything and go with him. He hadn’t kissed her in a way that made her eyes close and her toes curl.

It was hard to concentrate when all Yan Ling could think of was that she’d made a mistake. Folding the garments was a mindless, routine diversion, but soon the clothes were gone, all packed away, and her mind was left open and wandering.

Dao went to the dressing table while Yan Ling went to gather all the practice papers from her lessons in the study. They were nonsense really, random passages that took on special significance now that the coveted lessons were over. She spotted the sheet where Fei Long had written out her name in a series of perfect tiny strokes. She could still hear the timbre of his voice while he had stood beside her that day.

‘What is this?’ Dao demanded.

Yan Ling jerked her head up to see Dao peering into her sewing box. Quickly, she folded the paper and tucked it into the pocket in her sleeve.

‘Is this supposed to be a tiger?’ Dao held up the pair of felt shoes.

Yan Ling had forgotten about her horrible embroidery work. ‘No, that must be a picture of your father,’ she replied sweetly.

Dao narrowed her eyes. Yan Ling batted hers.

‘They were supposed to be wedding gifts for my barbarian husband. Tigers represent strength and good fortune.’

‘You can’t present these. Khitan will be insulted.’

‘Do you think the slippers might spark a war?’ Yan Ling asked without shame.

Dao did not look amused. Her peach-shaped face scrunched into a frown. ‘Are you trying to make trouble, Yan?’

‘I meant to buy new ones. You don’t think Khitan will send me back for my lack of skill with a needle, do you?’

‘Come on. Let’s get to the market before the afternoon gong.’

Yan Ling pulled a purple shawl from the trunk and followed Dao to the door. ‘I’ve been wanting to step outside. It feels so confining indoors today.’

‘Why?’ Dao shot her a glance over her shoulder. ‘Wasn’t your morning outing enough for you?’

Her heart skipped. So they hadn’t been as discreet as she had thought. ‘Enough you. You would have been very proud of me this morning.’

If she could joke about the morning, then it must be bearable. If she could laugh, then it couldn’t tear her heart out.

Fei Long was not in the courtyard. She didn’t expect him to be, but as they went through the gate, she wondered what it would be like when she was taken far away. Would she irrationally search for him, seeking him out with all her senses? She had a feeling she would continue to do so, even once they were too far away to ever find one another.

* * *

Fei Long knew it was Yan Ling from the quickness of her step and the urgent, yet intimate way she tapped on the door. What he didn’t know was why she had come, when he was certain she would spend the next few days avoiding him after what had happened that morning.

‘Yes, come in.’ His voice remained steady, his pulse did not.

She slipped inside, her silk skirts rustling against the edge of the door as she shut it behind her. ‘Can we speak for a moment?’

‘Always.’

He set his brush down and went to her. She looked up at him nervously and he was glad for it. He didn’t know why she’d come, but he had certain hopes.

‘My lord,’ she began.

She had changed her mind. His heart thumped against his chest feverishly.

His throat went dry. ‘Yes?’

They were standing beside the door, yet neither of them made a move to be seated. The pearl ornament in her hair distracted him more than it should have. Yan Ling had come to him combed, pinned and dressed in silk. She had looked prettier in the grass in a plain robe, with his arms around her.

She seemed flustered. ‘They’re talking about it all over the marketplace,’ she said in a single breath.

‘Talking about what? Did someone see us?’ Fei Long realised he didn’t care one bit if anyone had seen them.

‘No, not that.’ She skirted away from him, blushing furiously.

‘What then?’

‘The archery contest. They’re gossiping all over the tea rooms and in the shops, too, about an unknown champion.’

He should have known. He paced a few steps away, rubbing a hand over his jaw. ‘This is Zōu’s doing.’

Zōu had promised his name would be kept secret. It was supposed to be a small gathering with private wagers. Clearly the Bull wanted to increase his take.

‘It sounds like everyone will be there,’ Yan Ling went on. ‘There was talk of court officials coming as well—ministers and functionaries.’

They would all be there now that Zōu was publicising it. Though wagering was supposed to be illegal, archery contests were too popular to resist. Fei Long couldn’t be seen consorting with a crime lord. It defeated the whole purpose of saving face.

‘It’s good that you came to tell me,’ he said. ‘I’ll think of something.’

She nodded. Her fingers worked at the edge of her shawl nervously. He wished she didn’t look like a rabbit waiting to flee.

‘Is that all you came for?’ he asked gently.

‘Yes, that’s all.’ But she was still there. ‘You seem better now…than before,’ she ventured.

‘You mean now I’ve regained my senses?’

‘Yes.’ She swallowed. ‘You appear calmer.’

Yan Ling was anything but calm. The moment he approached, her breathing visibly quickened. Her lips parted and her skin flushed pink. He liked that.

‘I’m thinking much clearer now,’ he agreed.

The corners of her mouth fell. ‘I’m happy to see it, my lord.’

She made no effort to hide her look of sorrow. Yan Ling assumed that the walls of cold formality and self-denial were back between them. What she didn’t realise was that walls that had fallen so hard could never be recovered.

When she ducked her head and murmured some excuse to leave, all it took was a slight shift of his position to halt her retreat. ‘How many hours have we spent in here?’

‘I don’t know, my lord.’ Her eyes were veiled as she regarded him. ‘I didn’t count.’

He’d kissed her only once in this study, but had thought of it many, many times. Yan Ling had all but seduced him, merely because he’d come close enough to smell her perfume. If he tried to take her in his arms now, she might succumb, but it wasn’t what she truly wanted. It wasn’t what he wanted either.

At least not all he wanted.

‘Thank you for your concern,’ he said.

He held the door open for her and watched her disappear out into the parlour before closing it. He could be cruel as well, as cruel as she had been in the park that morning. But Yan Ling’s cruelty was the kind that had opened his eyes. He knew what he had to do.

Fei Long pressed a hand to his ribs to ease the throb building there. His mind and spirit were determined, if only he could will his body to obey.