“Liam, calm down. Sam is right down the hall getting coffee. She’ll be here in a minute.”
“I don’t want Sam,” I cry out. “I want my wife.”
“Sam is your wife.”
I wake with a startle. Someone is sleeping next to me and there’s a crying baby somewhere in the house. I turn away from the person and look out the window; I’m in Los Angeles. Tears prick my eyes. I just had the best and worst dream of my life and now I’m back to square one, except I don’t remember marrying Sam or having a child with her.
I want to cry. My dream was so vivid, so clear. My life was good. I made my amends with people and started living again. The cries get louder, stirring a sleeping Sam next to me. Something tells me I’m the one who should get up, but I don’t want to. I want to go back to sleep and remember Beaumont, Josie and the children we had.
“Liam, Paige is crying.”
“Wh… what?” I roll over at the sound of the voice I remember so clearly. Even through the darkness I can see her bright blue eyes shining up at me.
“Are you real?”
“Yes, and so is our daughter. Go get her, please.”
“I fucking love you so much.” I kiss her on the lips, trying to savor the moment, but my princess is down the hall needing her daddy so I must go to her.
“Hi, Princess,” I say when I approach her crib. Her blue eyes, wet with tears, look up at me and she pouts her tiny mouth. She lets out a quiet wail, telling me that she needs me. I hope that someday she realizes how much I need her.
“Did you have a nightmare?” I ask as I lie her down on her changing table. I hand her a little rattle to keep her occupied while I change her diaper. “Daddy did, and it was bad. I dreamt that it was me who was in an accident and not your Uncle Mason, and when I woke up in my dream, I didn’t have you, mommy or Noah. When you started crying, I woke up again, but I was confused about being here so I thought I was only dreaming about having you.” I pick her up and kiss her rosy cheek, holding her to me. She snuggles into my neck and tries to seek out the milk wagon. I make sure to put her pacifier in to keep her quiet for the walk to the kitchen. By the time we get there, she’s sound asleep.
The white lights from the Christmas tree sparkle against the darkness of the room. I stand in the large picture window that overlooks Hollywood. The city lights illuminate the valley, making it look alive. Paige is barely four months old and being plagued by an earache. Her first airplane ride didn’t go as planned. Nick calls it an ear barotrauma. I heard the word trauma and freaked out on him until he called it an ache. An ache I can deal with.
We are in Hollywood for a few reasons. We decided to spend Christmas here and Yvie and Xander are getting married on Christmas night at Harrison’s pad. I’ve taken to calling it a pad because he yells at me each time I say condo. Earlier in the fall he was able to buy the upstairs “apartment” and convert his into a two-story, giving him and Katelyn more room with the kids.
Everyone is here with us, except for Nick and Aubrey. They flew to Africa to see Aubrey’s parents, who are on a Mission, and introduce them to their son, Mack. He’s a cute baby with blonde hair and blue eyes, just like Aubrey. Josie says he’s going to be a looker when he’s older and I tell her as long as he’s looking away from Paige, I’ll be happy. Nick thinks I’m joking, I’m not.
After Paige was born, and we brought her home, life became crazy. The guys, with the help of Jenna, Katelyn and the grandmas, all busted our asses to get Paige’s room ready. We put up a fresh coat of paint, new curtains and those clingy things for the walls to make her room into a castle. Not to mention all the new furniture that didn’t come assembled, even though I tried to bribe them. Harrison, JD and I spent twelve straight hours screwing in nuts and bolts while the girls shopped. Truthfully, it was the longest day of my life - not because I was putting a crib together, but because I was away from Josie and Paige for the day.
I’ve come to realize I’m the over obsessive dad. If you have a cold, don’t come over. If you haven’t washed your hands, don’t touch my daughter. If you smell, haven’t showered or your clothes are dirty, stay far away. Those are the things that concern me the most. I’m working on watching my language around her as well, but that seems to be the hardest part of all.