True to his word, a group of women arrived carrying steaming buckets of water so that I could have a relaxing bath. I did not find it relaxing. Though nice to get clean, I felt as if I harbored woodland creatures in my hair, I worried endlessly while I sat in the large tub.
Not about Niall. If he still lingered around and tried to come near me, I’d take to his balls again and rip them right off this time. I did, however, worry about Baodan. He held on to too much anger and resentment, and I expected that he had done so for a good many years. I couldn’t imagine what such bitterness would feel like living inside of you for so long. I had plenty of things to be angry about, but I always wound up utterly exhausted after getting all riled up for all of five minutes. It would be an exhausting life, staying angry all of the time.
Perhaps ridding himself of Niall would help some, but I doubted it. While I still couldn’t see why, it wasn’t Niall that he despised the most. What happened with me might have evened the playing field a little, but Baodan punished Eoghanan, not Niall, with every thought.
There had to be more to the story about what happened with his late wife than Eoghanan simply being unable to save her from a sickness. At least, I hoped so. If Baodan really did put so much blame on his brother for something like that, perhaps he wasn’t really the man I considered him.
With the water growing colder with each passing second, I glanced around the room for something to dry myself. Seeing nothing, I frowned, stood, and did my best to shake off the water from the top half of my body. After wringing out my hair, I dressed in the clean gown and moved next to the fire to allow my hair to dry.
Five minutes later, impatience got the best of me, and I decided enough time had passed. How long did it take to tell someone to leave anyway? He’d be angry if he caught me outside of the room, but he would have to realize that he was not my keeper. I would not be ordered around without good reason, and I could see no reason for me to stay inside his room.
Besides, I wanted to explore the castle, right-side up and not in the hurried fashion I’d seen it in while escaping from Niall.
I moved quietly, pausing with nearly every footstep to listen for any sign of Baodan approaching. I hoped I could hear him coming and would be able to run back to his bedchamber before he got there.
I got only ten steps away from the bedchamber when a hand at my elbow caused me to stop.
“Ach, what are ye doing back here, lass?”
Rhona spun me around to face her. An odd combination of relief and confusion etched her face.
“What do you mean? Baodan brought me.”
“Oh, the Laird is back? I am no so pleased to hear it. I canna stand to imagine what he thinks of me now.”
I regarded her skeptically. “Did you not know? Who ordered a bath to be readied for me?”
She shook her head. “Baodan must have sent some of the girls up here himself, for I have been in the gardens, and to the gardens I shall return.”
“Why? I’m sure Baodan would wish to see you.”
“No, I doona believe that he would. I failed him and allowed something wretched to happen to ye. I canna apologize enough for it, lass.”
She looked devastated, and I reached out a hand to comfort her. “You didn’t allow anything. The fault is not yours, and I don’t think Baodan sees it that way either. Besides, nothing really happened to me.”
“Oh, I’m glad that he dinna hurt ye, but it doesna release me of me failure.”
Why did so many of these people feel a need to punish themselves for everything? I probably leaned too far in the other direction. I knew how likely I was to mess up pretty much anything, so I learned from a young age to forgive myself everything. “Yes, it does so.”
“I willna argue with ye, lass, but ye simply doona understand. Baodan is no a forgiving man to those who fail him. I have cared for this family since he was a babe, but I doona doubt that he will wish me gone for no watching over ye while he was away. I am off to the village to gather a few things and pay a visit to me brother. I will be back in a few days and, by then, perhaps I will have the courage to face him.”
“Um…okay. Well, have a safe trip.” I stared at her wide-eyed as I watched her walk away. She seemed almost frightened of Baodan, and it made me uneasy.
My first impressions of him, after realizing he wasn’t the role-playing weirdo that I assumed at first, was that he seemed kind, generous, and just a little broken. Broken was okay, but secretive and mean wasn’t.
His seemingly unreasonable ill-feelings toward his brother, and Rhona’s fear of him now, had me second-guessing my decision to come here. To press him about the truth might push him away further, but it had to be done.
I needed to know what he hid from me.
Chapter 24
McMillan Territory Village