Baodan lived with the guilt of not being able to save her always. He would not have let a sickness keep him from protecting her from the wickedness that invaded her mind.
Years later, the same had happened with his father’s death. Life had just begun to take on some sense of normalcy when the sudden death of his father sent him spiraling downward once again. Optimistic Baodan released himself of the hope of having the life he once dreamed of.
He did his best to remain kind, not to harden his heart against all of humanity, and in that he succeeded. He still found joy in his family, in running their home and land and people, still offered a helping hand when needed, but that was all the joy he allowed himself to feel. He took pleasure in the joy, security, and friendship he could bring to others but closed his heart from feeling all of that which others could bring to him. His hope had been broken too many times for him to allow it to creep back into his soul ever again.
He thought he found a person of similar mind and spirit in Blaire Conall. She was Blaire MacChristy when he rescued her from the freezing water, and the hurt in her eyes was enough to break his own heart. She was broken, defeated, and a reflection of what he’d been years ago. He wanted nothing more than to help her, to heal her heart with friendship rather than love.
For that reason, he proposed to her. Love was a horrible misery, one that he never intended to fall prey to ever again. He suspected that Blaire felt much the same way and, for two people who didn’t want love, perhaps friendship was best.
She accepted his proposal, and he found himself happy that he would spend the rest of his days with someone whom he could share mutual companionship and respect, free of heartbreak or hope.
In what seemed to be a pattern in his life, his newest, smaller dream ended as well. Hope still flickered within Blaire, and she was far luckier than him. Her heartbreak was healed when her love, Arran Conall, came back to her, suddenly free from the confines of his own marriage.
Baodan let her go willingly. He couldn’t begrudge her happiness if she could find it. If he were less broken, less hard and more lucky, he would gladly leap in the direction of love as Blaire had done.
Friendship was really all he’d offered her; friendship could remain although she was married to another, and so it had. He considered her to be his closest friend, a confidant when he had few. They wrote to each other often and, because she was married to his cousin, both families used the other’s home as a stopping point when traveling. It became a happy friendship and one of the things in his life he was most grateful for.
Thinking of Blaire, he stood. Keeping his left foot off of the ground he tried to shake away the remaining water from his body and feelings of self-pity from his mind before donning his clothing so that he could go inside.
He had much to be thankful for. He could almost hear Blaire’s voice telling him to quit his sulking and get on. His life would be what he made it, and he would fill it with kindness, friendship, and a pleasing lack of love.
*
Eoghanan glanced up from his writing desk to see his eldest brother staring into the pond outside his window. Baodan’s tall frame and broad shoulders intimidated everyone at first glance, but his brother had the kindest of hearts, and the bitterness Eoghanan knew Baodan held toward him didn’t suit his kind demeanor. If only Baodan knew the truth, perhaps years of pain would finally come to the end. For years he’d gladly carried his sister-in-law’s secret, but he could do so no longer.
He suspected it even on the night of her death, but not until their mother fell ill did he realize the whole truth of what occurred that tragic night. No illness prevented him from protecting her, but a poison. And now his mother exhibited the very same symptoms.
Baodan was too blinded by his need to lay blame for his wife’s downward spiral and tragic death to see the truth, but soon Eoghanan would have the proof he needed. Osla had not taken her own life that dark night so many years ago. Someone within the castle killed her, the same person who poisoned him to prevent him from saving her, and the same person who slowly poisoned their mother now.
All he needed to do was ensure his mother’s safety.
To gather proof of the unthinkable.
Niall’s secrets wouldn’t keep for long.
Chapter 3
Austin, TX
Present Day
As anticipated, sleep eluded me. I spent the night tossing and turning, glancing at the clock every five minutes hoping that it was nearly sunrise so that I could get up and start my day.