“Ye doona have reason anymore, lass. Now that Edana is gone, I am no longer married. Doona marry Baodan. Marry me, as ye are meant to.”
Feelings of heartbreak disappeared, and disgust filled me at Arran’s callousness over the death of his wife. I’d known that living with her wouldna be easy for him, but he was a man quite changed from the Arran I had once known and loved. “How can ye speak to me so when she hasna been dead a week? I know that ye dinna love her, but ye disrespect us both by speaking of her so now and behaving as if I could rejoice in her death and claim ye as me own.”
His brows pulled together, and I could see he was struggling with his words. “Forgive me, lass. I doona mean to sound so cold-hearted, but believe me there are things that ye doona know, and I wish to tell ye now. And ye know me well. I have no way about me with the right saying of words.”
He sat down where he’d found me and motioned for me to do the same. Hesitantly, I did so, keeping some distance between us, for I knew all too well the power his touch wielded over me. “Then tell it, but I willna marry ye, Arran. I have promised meself to Baodan, and I shall marry him tomorrow.”
He shook his head, unbothered by me words. “Nay, ye will do no such thing, lass. If I have to bind ye and carry ye off from here meself, I will do so, but ye willna be marrying anyone save me.”
I dinna know what to say to that. Part of me wanted to kiss him and tell him how much I’d missed him, while the other part of me wanted to hit him over the head with something large and heavy. I decided to stay silent and wait for him to speak again.
It dinna take him long to oblige me. “Forgive me for sounding cold about Edana’s death, but the lass was a wretched woman, and I canna claim that I am no glad to be free of her. She lied to me, lass. She was never carrying me child.”
“Then how did she die?” ’Twas small relief to know that Arran hadna lost a child, but I knew that if he’d believed a child was coming, he would be pained to learn that one was not.
“I doona know for sure, lass, but I know that it was no fault of me own. I shouldna have married her, and I’ll regret any pain I caused her always, but I willna be so foolish twice.”
I reached out and patted his hand, only allowing it to linger for a moment. If this had been all, I would have followed him into marriage this very night, but that was no the case. Part of me was unwilling to forgive him. “I’m so sorry, Arran.”
“Sorry for what, lass?”
“I’m sorry that me leaving caused ye to marry her. I’m sorry that she died. And I am sorry, but I canna marry ye now.”
Again, he seemed no concerned with me denial of him. “Ach, lass, I know that ye doona wish to hurt Baodan, but he is a strong lad. He will find the lass that is meant for him. But ye, Blaire, ye are meant for me alone.”
I stood, moving away from him, tears threatening once more. “Aye, once that was true, Arran. But Baodan is a better man than ye, and he was there for me when I needed him, when ye refused to come although I lay dying.”
“Dying? I know naught what ye speak of, lass.”
He was lying, I was sure of it, but the pained expression on his face dinna seem feigned. “How can ye say that ye doona know, Arran? I sent ye a letter when I believed I had only days to live, and Bri spoke to the messenger that delivered it straight into yer hands.”
He moved too quickly for me to evade him and grabbed both me hands into his own as he pleaded before me. “Believe me, lass, this messenger dinna tell Bri the truth. Had I known that ye might die, no matter the cause, there is naught in this world that would keep me from ye. Tell me that ye believe me, Blaire. Ye possess every bit of me heart and soul. Had ye died, I would have as well. I will not wait to have ye as my wife a moment more.”
He kissed me then, and I returned it before moving me lips to his ear so that I could whisper to him. “Aye, I believe ye. It hurt me more than I care to tell ye when I thought that ye knew and dinna wish to come.”
“Ach, lass.”
He breathed heavily into me ear, his breath shaky. I could feel how much he longed for me. He gently pushed himself against me, and I gasped at the solid sensation against me dress. He dinna move against me further, instead pulling away to kiss me gently on the lips as he stared into me eyes, everything I’d ever wanted to hear from him evident in them.
“It pains me to know that ye could think it of me, but I know that I havena treated ye as I should. If ye will have me, lass, I shall spend the rest of me life making it up to ye.”
“Aye, Arran, I’ll marry ye.” I kissed him briefly, moaning as Arran’s hand on my lower back pulled me into him.
Suddenly, a voice to me left caused us both to grow still. “Will ye, lass? I doona believe that me wedding day will turn out as I’d hoped.”
I turned to see Baodan standing not far from us. While his face gave none of his emotions away, his eyes, deep brown and beautiful, were sad. Me heart filled with guilt as it broke for him.
Chapter 39