Of course, that is when the doorbell decides to ring.
Licking my fingertips, I walk into the living room and look through the peephole. Matt stands there gazing at the floor, looking so very perfect with his hair windblown and his sun-kissed skin. He’s casual in a navy blue t-shirt, faded jeans, and black Chuck-Ts. He looks young and edible.
I open the door, and he glances up. I amend my earlier statement. He actually looks like shit. His eyes are bloodshot, and he hasn’t shaved in several days. Dark circles hover just under his eyes.
“You have chocolate on your chin,” he says as he steps up to me and wipes it off with his thumb. He then sticks said thumb in his mouth and sucks the chocolate off.
No matter how mad I am at Matt, that simple act practically causes me to moan.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
Nodding, I turn to walk into the kitchen and he follows. As I stoop to the floor to pick up my dropped cookie, he says, “Is Macy here?”
“No. She’s at the gym,” I respond, tossing the cookie carnage in the garbage. I make myself busy by taking the remaining cookies off the sheet with a spatula and placing them on a plate.
When I’m done, I turn to him and cross my arms over my chest. “You look like hell, Matt. Did you go on a bender or something?”
A guilty look flashes across his face. “Actually… I did. I never drink like that, but I pretty much stayed drunk Friday and Saturday.”
“Did it help?”
“No,” he says quietly. “It didn’t help at all. I can’t get you out of my mind.”
Matt sounds so forlorn that I can’t help but be moved. “I’m sorry.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the asshole. I have so much to apologize for that I don’t even know where to begin.”
My hope starts building again. Here is Matt… standing in my apartment and telling me he’s sorry. This is a man that rarely apologizes… for anything. I feel the burning need to let him off the hook quickly, my evil plans to make him grovel completely abandoned.
“Matt,” I say gently. “It’s okay. I understand what was driving you.”
I actually get a little dizzy when Matt walks up to me, standing toe to toe. He smells so good, and his eyes are glowing golden. Both of his hands come up to frame my face, his long fingers circling to the back of my head to hold me in place… to make sure my eyes stay on him.
“No, it’s not okay, Mac. I have to make up for this, and I’m hoping that I haven’t messed things up so badly that you won’t let me start over by taking you out on a date. I want to give you what you want. At least, I want to try to give it to you… if you’ll let me.”
I can literally feel the burden of sadness and frustration lift from my shoulders, while a thrill of hope and excitement fills my body. My skin is even a little tingly.
“A date?” I ask in wonder, my wildest fantasies—not involving Matt naked—are coming true. “What made you change your mind?”
Matt’s eyes are deep pools of regret and sadness. His voice is quietly calm, but resolved. “I finally started realizing that the pain of loneliness is much worse than the pain of betrayal and heartbreak that I was trying to avoid.”
The power of his words and what they mean slam into me so hard, I have to close my eyes to savor them. He is saying he’s lonely without me, and for someone that has shunned relationships and emotional bonds, that is saying a lot. He’s also saying that he’s ready to take a risk.
He’s ready to step out onto the ledge and risk it all.
When I open my eyes, he’s smiling at me. It’s a tentative smile, because I still haven’t given him an answer. I smile back and nod. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”