“Text if you need anything,” Parker said, and left.
It was like Pavlov’s dog. The moment she was alone with Cassie, Erin was ready. Cassie, on the other hand, stayed completely still. She didn’t even turn her head. Parker’s car started on the other side of the house. The tires crunched down the driveway.
Then Cassie was up, pulling Erin out of her chair.
“Thank God,” she said, slipping her hands around Erin’s bare waist. “Were you trying to torture me all day?”
Erin laughed and let Cassie’s hands wander. “What do you mean?”
“You’re in a bikini, Erin.” Cassie dropped a kiss on her shoulder. “I thought I would never get to touch you.”
“You touched me this morning.”
“And then you came out here in a bikini and I wanted to touch you again.” She was already tugging at the knot in Erin’s halter top.
“The store isn’t very far away,” Erin said.
“Better get you out of this quick, then.”
She didn’t really get Erin out of the suit, just untied the top and then got her hand inside the bottom. It was indeed quick—Erin was already wet; she’d been thinking about this just as much as Cassie.
Parker took a long time at the store. Cassie and Erin changed out of their suits and had the burgers on the grill by the time she got back.
Cassie never came up weekends when Parker was at Adam’s. Erin worried that was too obvious, but then again, Adam didn’t have a pool. Even when Parker was supposed to be at her father’s, she spent plenty of time in Erin’s backyard instead. The benefits of keeping the house with a pool. One day after Parker had left for Adam’s, Erin dangled her legs in the pool and texted Cassie.
Erin [Today 3:23 PM]
I’m in Boston for work. You free tonight? I could stick around for dinner maybe?
They’d met for dinner when Erin was in town before, but she didn’t go to the city as often as she wanted to see Cassie. It was easier to lie than to say I miss you. I want to see you. Easier to give Cassie an out that wouldn’t feel as much like a rejection. Cassie was always free, though.
* * *
It was almost the end of June before Cassie came up for a weekend at the same time Rachel was over. As soon as Rachel laid eyes on Cassie, Erin knew it was a mistake. She had lasted this long without introducing them, and she should’ve kept it up. Rachel had no tells—nothing specific that Erin could point to, but she knew.
Rachel didn’t say anything, though. Not right then, and not later, when Parker announced they were going swimming, then wrapped her hand around Cassie’s wrist and tugged. Cassie threw a smile over her shoulder at Erin as Parker dragged her outside. Erin bit her lip instead of smiling back, turned back to Rachel once the door closed behind the girls.
Rachel’s head was tilted, and Erin steeled herself for whatever smart-ass thing would come out of her mouth, but she launched into stories about her trip to Greece instead. Erin listened, and laughed, and relaxed.
Over the next half hour, Rachel shared every detail about her favorite meals, activities, hotels, and bartenders in Greece and Erin eventually forgot to worry about it, so of course that was when Rachel tilted her head again and said, “So this is why you didn’t tell me?”
Erin tried not to go stiff. “What?”
“That kid out there is why you’ve been smiling at your phone all the time?”
“She’s not a kid,” Erin said immediately, only realizing when Rachel’s eyes flashed that was the wrong part of the sentence to argue with. “I am not having this conversation right now.”
“You are absolutely having this conversation right now,” Rachel said. “You could’ve told me!”
Rachel had at least lowered her voice to an almost-whisper, but Erin kept an eye on Cassie and Parker out the window anyway.
“There’s nothing to tell,” Erin insisted.
“Are you kidding me?”
She turned to face Rachel.
“Nothing you don’t already know,” she said. It was … vaguely true. “You know I’ve been sleeping with someone. And now you know who. That’s all there is to it.”
Rachel gave her a Look, which meant Erin was not going to get out of this conversation.
“You know that’s not all there is to it,” Rachel said. “You are doing a hell of a lot more than sleeping with her.”
Erin did know. Erin had known for a long time, and that was why she’d never told Rachel everything. Rachel always encouraged Erin’s bad decisions.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Nothing’s going to happen.”
“Nothing’s going to happen? It’s already happening, Erin!”
“Rachel, be quiet,” Erin shushed.
“Just explain, and I’ll shut up.”
“There is nothing to explain,” she said. “I can’t just date my daughter’s twenty-two-year-old best friend because she’s good in bed.”
“Are you serious right now?”
Erin shrugged, palms open at Rachel. Describing Cassie like that felt cruel, but that was how it had started, right? The best sex of her life in the back of a rental car. That was how it should have ended, too. If Erin had been a better person, a better mother, there wouldn’t have been anything else. Now, she was in over her head, but back then, she could’ve stopped it. She should’ve stopped it before it became something bigger.
Rachel sighed. “You aren’t serious, right? You know this is more than that?”
“Of course I know, Rachel,” Erin snapped, suddenly at her breaking point. “I know she’s clever and funny and kind, even if she would never describe herself that way. I know she makes me laugh more than anyone other than you. I know she’s … great,” Erin paused, defeated. “She’s also my daughter’s best friend. We cannot have more than this summer, but goddammit I am letting myself have this summer.”
She couldn’t look at Rachel’s face, all empathetic and distressed.
“Erin,” Rachel said. “You can let yourself—”
“Please tell me you are not about to try to talk me into dating my daughter’s best friend who is barely half my age.”
“I’m not trying to talk you into anything, but let’s look at the facts.” Erin glared at her. “You spend time together, you spend all day texting—”
“We do not spend all day texting.”
Rachel ignored her. “I’m not trying to talk you into dating your daughter’s best friend because it seems like you might already be doing it. And you’re happier than I’ve seen you in a long time.”
“It’s not something that can work,” Erin said. The sharp edge in her words surprised her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Her voice cracked, then, and she was excruciatingly embarrassed.
“Okay,” Rachel said. “Okay, we don’t have to.”
There was a splash, and Erin looked up to see Cassie surface in the pool. Parker said something and Cassie laughed. Erin’s chest clenched.
She couldn’t talk to Rachel about it. She didn’t even let herself think about it. It was overwhelming. If she thought about it, she’d have to reckon with her choices. Her stupidity. The ways she’d failed her daughter.