“Of course she can come visit,” Erin said. She had no idea how she’d handle being under the same roof as both Parker and Cassie again. “But you don’t even know where you’ll be this summer yet, do you? Or have you found something?”
The line was quiet. Erin silently cursed herself. She didn’t know what she’d done wrong but she must’ve done something. She’d treaded so carefully around Parker since that first Sunday she hadn’t called. Their conversations had been stunted for a while, now, but it had been getting better. Parker hadn’t gone quiet and surly on her since they’d finally talked about the divorce. Clearly Erin had messed up, somehow, because her brain had time to anxiety spiral before Parker finally responded.
“I was thinking of, maybe, like, just staying at home this summer.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Like, I know I’m supposed to do something, but I did stuff every summer of high school, right? Stuff to look good on college applications. So I know I should be preparing for whatever I want to do after college—grad school or a job or whatever. But I don’t know what I want to do yet. And school’s been kicking my butt. And I kind of just want to … relax.”
“That sounds like a great idea.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Again, Erin felt like she’d done something wrong. “Is that not what you wanted me to say?”
“I just thought—you’re usually the one pushing me to live up to my potential or whatever. I figured you’d want me to find an internship or go to art camp or something.”
“Well, yes, I know you can succeed at whatever you put your mind to,” Erin said delicately. “But you’re the one who gets to decide what that is. And you also have to make time to have fun. You’re allowed to be a kid for a while.”
Parker didn’t say it, but Erin could tell she was surprised. Rather than let her mind spiral again, Erin joked: “If you don’t get a job, though, I’m definitely making you mow the lawn every week.”
“Ugh, that might be worse than having to get a job,” Parker said with a giggle that made Erin’s heart grow three sizes.
Twenty-One
CASSIE
Parker [Today 3:38 PM]
What are you doing tonight? There’s a party at the baseball house
Cassie stared at her phone. After the a cappella concert, the group chat had been resurrected. Cassie sent her favorite of the pictures they’d taken at the after-party, then Acacia had sent pictures of her and Parker in Chicago over spring break. Cassie had tried to keep up the conversation, which mostly meant sending memes. Occasionally Parker would send “lol” in the group text, or even a meme of her own.
The last time Cassie had gotten a text solely from Parker to her was more than a month ago.
She had no plans for the night, but even if she did, she wasn’t going to turn Parker down.
Cassie [3:40 PM]
Sounds cool
She considered asking who was going, just for something else to say, but she didn’t want Parker to think she’d only go if other people would be there. Her thumbs hovered over her screen, her brain never quite figuring out what to type.
Parker [3:42 PM]
I’m going out to dinner so I was gonna meet Kaysh there. You should walk over with her.
Cassie [3:43 PM]
Awesome, I’ll see you there
Parker [3:43 PM]
And it’s the baseball house, so there’ll probably be free jungle juice
Cassie [3:44 PM]
I’d expect nothing less
Parties at the baseball house tended to get out of hand, and when Cassie and Acacia walked up, it was already loud enough they were sure to get a noise complaint. Parker met them inside, Sam and Gwen in tow, and handed them red Solo cups before even saying hi.
Free jungle juice or not, Cassie should’ve pregamed. Greased the wheels of social interaction. It had helped at the a cappella party. How drunk did they have to get before that easy friendship came back fully?
Before it got too awkward, Parker suggested dancing, and Acacia was never going to say no to that. If it had been anything else, Cassie wouldn’t have said no to Parker, but as it was, she and Gwen begged off. The other three disappeared into the crowd, cups still in hand.
Cassie sipped her jungle juice. It didn’t taste like there was alcohol in it, which probably meant she’d be hungover as hell tomorrow.
“Don’t get too drunk,” Gwen said.
Cassie rolled her eyes. It was the first time they interacted properly since Gwen literally called someone to come take care of drunk Cassie—of course she’d be patronizing about Cassie’s intoxication level. “I’m fine, thanks.”
“I know. I just want you to have good motor control later.”
Cassie slid a glance at Gwen. “What?”
“When I take you home later,” Gwen said. “I want you to have good motor control.”
Cassie gaped at her. Gwen was so complete in her confidence, she wasn’t even looking at Cassie, wasn’t even smirking. She was calm, straightforward, certain. Cassie took a gulp of her jungle juice.
“Last time I hit on you, you called a friend to pick me up,” she said.
Gwen shrugged. “Last time you were desperate. You don’t look desperate now. You look hot.”
Cassie was desperate last time. Desperate to stop thinking about Erin, even if she hadn’t recognized it then. Desperate to have sex with someone else, to have a new memory to warm her on cold nights. Now, she was pretty happy with her memories—of Erin in the shower and the kitchen and her bedroom. Erin pushing her up against a building because she needed it fast, and then taking her time in the hotel.
Now, Cassie didn’t know if Gwen was worth the trouble.
“What if I’ve changed my mind since last time?”
Gwen peered at her. “Why would you change your mind?”
Cassie ran a hand through her hair. She looked at the dance floor, at the throng of bodies. She could see Parker, glancing over at them and quickly away. Cassie looked at Gwen, who was as hot as she’d always been, then back at Parker, who’d texted her for the first time in more than a month for this party, who was dancing with Gwen’s—best friend, maybe? Cousin? Cassie wasn’t sure what their background was.
“Are you dating someone?” Gwen asked.
“No,” Cassie said slowly. She thought of Erin. They weren’t dating, obviously, but the idea of going home with Gwen not even two weeks after she and Erin had spent an entire night, well, worshipping each other’s bodies, basically—it didn’t feel right. “Not really.”
Gwen raised an eyebrow. “Not really?”
“I’m not dating anyone,” Cassie said. “But I don’t want to go home with you.”
Now Gwen did smirk. “I don’t believe you.”
Cassie wasn’t sure she believed herself. She’d wanted to hook up with Gwen since before she’d met Seth, and now that she finally had the chance, she was turning her down? It didn’t make sense, except for how she couldn’t stop thinking about Parker texting her for the first time in so long. Cassie couldn’t go home with Gwen the first time Parker reached out to her again.
“I’m not going home with you.”