It wasn’t okay, but it wasn’t Acacia’s fault. Something had to give, fucking her best friend’s mom.
She wanted to apologize to Erin again. She brushed her teeth and went downstairs.
It was silent there. No one else was awake—Parker was sharing her bed with Lila and the rest were passed out in the basement. Erin had a cup of coffee ready for her. Cassie mumbled her thanks and took a sip. It was too sugary. Erin stood a few feet away. Neither looked at the other.
Before Cassie decided whether she wanted to stew in silence or actually address this, Erin said, “I don’t want to talk about it, Cassie. I understand, but I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Now, are you going to kiss me good morning or not?”
Cassie swallowed. Her body leaned toward Erin before she’d consciously decided what to do. This seemed like a break. She’d be stupid not to take it.
She kissed her carefully. She’d never really tried to put so much feeling into a kiss before, to say I’m sorry and It’s okay and How did you expect me to do this without telling someone about you? She cradled Erin’s face. Erin bumped their noses together.
Too soon, they heard footsteps coming up the stairs from the basement. Cassie and Erin moved away from each other, and Cassie forced herself to look away.
“Morning, Dr. Bennett. Morning, Cassie,” Caleb said as he entered the kitchen.
“Honestly, Caleb, when are you going to start calling me Erin?”
Cassie smiled at the tender frustration in Erin’s voice.
Everyone got out of the house pretty quickly. Cassie and Parker were still in their pajamas, getting ready to watch the Rose Parade, when Erin came into the living room.
“I’ve got to go to the hospital,” she announced.
Parker’s head snapped in her direction. “What?”
“I told you I was on call, didn’t I?” Erin asked, sitting down to slide her feet into her tennis shoes. “They need me.”
“It’s New Year’s Day,” Parker said. “We always have chili and cabbage and watch the parade and football.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” Erin said. “But the chili is already simmering on the stove, stir it every once in a while, okay? You can eat it whenever. I’m sure Cassie will watch the parade and football with you.”
She dropped a kiss on Parker’s head.
“Love you, sweetie,” she said. She nodded in Cassie’s direction. “Cassie.”
As soon as Erin was gone, Parker huffed. “This is such bullshit. She was on call last New Year’s Day. She must volunteer for this.”
Cassie didn’t reply. Parker looked at her for confirmation.
“Don’t you think it’s shitty?”
Cassie shrugged. “She was here Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. That’s probably more important than watching football on New Year’s Day.”
Parker sighed.
“It’s just stupid,” she said. “We used to have a really great time, and it’s like she avoids it now.”
This was getting more into Erin’s past with Adam than Cassie particularly wanted to. But she wasn’t a bad friend, so she wasn’t going to leave Parker hanging.
“You used to have a really great time like you, your mom, and your dad?”
Parker played with the fringe on the edge of her afghan. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Look,” Cassie said, “I feel like your parents have had like, the best divorce of all time, to be honest. Your dad brings ham to Christmas Eve at your mom’s house. They both obviously love you and get along with each other well enough. I’m not saying your mom avoids New Year’s Day with you, because fuck if I know. I’m just saying maybe cut her some slack when it comes to family traditions.”
Parker finished braiding a part of the afghan fringe and squinted at Cassie.
“That seems reasonable.” It sounded like an accusation.
“Plus, you can’t say you invited me to be a buffer because you don’t get along, while also complaining that she isn’t hanging out with you.”
“Yeah, okay, fine,” Parker said, before adding, “Actually you have been a good buffer, you know? Like how you got her to calm down before the party instead of obsessively cleaning everything? So. Thanks.”
“Yeah,” Cassie fake scoffed. “I’m awesome. Thanks for finally noticing.”
Parker threw a pillow at her.
They watched the parade and football and Cassie really didn’t care about any of it, so she spent the day in and out of sleep on the couch. She played on her phone and pointed out all the inappropriate-sounding things the announcers said. He saw that hole and he plowed right in.
They were going for their second round of chili when Erin arrived home, still in her scrubs, looking worse for wear. Cassie served her a bowl and got her a glass of water without being asked. Erin smiled blearily at her. Parker made an effort to be nice; she did a pretty in-depth recount of the parade that made Erin laugh.
Cassie pressed her ankle against Erin’s under the table. She wasn’t trying to be flirty. She just—she still wasn’t sure what ground they stood on. Erin pushed her ankle back against Cassie’s. Maybe she was forgiven for telling Acacia.
The next morning, Cassie woke up with a sore throat. More than sore, it was scratchy and raw, and her nose was running. Now she completely understood why Parker was so whiny when she was sick. Not that she was going to be as whiny as Parker, obviously, because she was a good and decent person.
She brushed her teeth and trudged downstairs. Erin had a cup of coffee ready for her.
“Thanks,” she croaked, and wished she could kiss her good morning like usual.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Erin said immediately, setting down her mug. “Are you sick?”
“M’fine.”
Erin held her hands to Cassie’s face, one on her cheek and the other over her forehead. “You’re hot.”
“You, too.” Cassie tried for a joke, but she winced at the way her throat cracked.
“Can I make up the couch for you?” Erin asked.
Cassie wanted to say no. She could take care of herself. She just needed to sleep it off, maybe take some ibuprofen. But Erin hadn’t taken her hand off her forehead, and Cassie leaned into it without meaning to. Maybe Erin taking care of her wouldn’t be so bad.
“Okay.”
The whole couch bed thing seemed a lot less absurd when she was the one getting tucked into it. The sheets were cool and soft against her warm skin. Erin brought her orange juice and Kleenex and ibuprofen.
“You want breakfast?”
Cassie shook her head. “Sleep first.”
Erin smiled down at her, and then she was out.
She woke up shivering, even under a blanket that hadn’t been on her when she fell asleep. She could hear Parker and Erin in the kitchen. If she were a different person, she’d call out to them, cold and hungry and needy. Instead, she drank the room-temperature orange juice that was still next to her. It hurt to swallow.
What felt like hours later, but was probably only fifteen minutes, Erin came to check on her.
“Oh, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” Erin put the back of her hand against Cassie’s forehead. “You’re still hot.”
Cassie shook her head. “I’m freezing.”