Cassie ducked her head like somehow that would make Erin not notice her smile.
If Erin let herself, she’d be crushed under the weight of all the shoulds. She should feel bad about this. She shouldn’t have slept with Cassie, not even once, but certainly not after learning Parker was her friend, and not with Parker under the same roof. She should be embarrassed. Ashamed. She should stop.
If she thought about it too hard, all of that would get to her. But she refused to let it. She was a grown woman, making her own choices. She didn’t have to be perfect, and she was allowed to have fun. That was what this was. She could have fun for the next week, then Cassie would leave, and this would all be a fun memory. Maybe Erin would even tell Rachel about it. Rachel would die laughing at the thought of Cassie attempting to sneak out her bedroom window to avoid Parker. She would be so proud of the shower sex, Erin could imagine her pretending to tear up.
That was all this had to be. Erin would have fun stories and think back on them fondly. Next fall, Cassie would be across the country at Caltech. Who knew if she and Parker would even keep in touch?
Downstairs, Erin and Cassie ended up on opposite ends of the couch, each with their own book. Cassie’s was three inches thick.
“You are aware it’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s and thus you’re not actually supposed to do anything?” Erin asked.
“Says the person who had a shift at the hospital yesterday. On a Sunday.”
Erin ceded the point. “Okay truce. I won’t tease you about reading your textbook before classes even start, and you won’t tease me about the trashy mystery novel I’m reading. They’re my guilty pleasure.” She waved her book in Cassie’s direction.
“I don’t believe in guilty pleasures,” Cassie said. “Like what you like. I’m not embarrassed to be a nerd. You don’t have to be embarrassed to read mysteries. Why would that even be embarrassing?”
“I … don’t actually know, now that you mention it.”
Erin had felt bad for not reading “real” books for so long, she’d never really questioned it. Cassie shrugged at her and opened the textbook in her lap, like it was that simple.
That first night in the bar, Cassie’s confidence had been sexy as hell. It was more than that now. It was impressive, really, that this woman who was barely old enough to drink was so certain, of herself and the world around her. She could teach Erin a thing or two.
It was more than an hour later before there was any movement upstairs. Cassie had adjusted on the couch, tucked her toes under Erin’s thigh. She pulled her feet back when they heard Parker descending the staircase. She was slow, like she was taking one stair at a time. When she finally shuffled into the living room, she was clutching her pillow to her front with one hand and her comforter together under her chin with the other, the rest of the blanket dragging along behind her. Her nose was bright red.
“Oh, honey,” Erin said. She leapt off the couch and pressed a hand against her daughter’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”
“I’m sick.” Parker’s voice was nasally, clearly stuffed up. “Can you make me a bed on the couch?”
“Of course.”
It didn’t matter that Cassie was still on the couch—she could move. By the time Erin returned from the laundry room with two fresh sheets and a pillowcase, Cassie was on the love seat with the TV remote, eyeing Parker like she had the plague.
Erin spread the king-sized sheet over the couch and tucked it in to the edges of all the cushions. The other sheet went on top. She took the pillow Parker had brought down and switched the case out with a clean one. She fluffed it before setting it on the couch.
“C’mon, baby. Lie down. I’ll make you some breakfast.”
Erin could feel Cassie’s eyes on her, but she didn’t care. The mama bear in her always came out when Parker was sick. It didn’t matter what Cassie thought of it. Jesus. She had slept with Cassie that morning, while Parker had been feverish, probably tossing and turning. And Erin had liked sitting next to Cassie on the couch too much to check on Parker upstairs. She could’ve brought her medicine and breakfast in bed instead of making her sick kid trudge all the way downstairs.
She tucked Parker in on the couch and headed into the kitchen without looking at Cassie.
It was past lunchtime, but Erin made enough oatmeal for all of them. She still didn’t look at Cassie when she handed her a bowl.
“Drink some OJ, too,” she told Parker. “I brought you DayQuil.”
Parker sat up enough to swallow the two orange pills and eat about four bites before setting her bowl on the coffee table. By the time her head hit the pillow, she was already out.
Erin busied herself cleaning up, taking Parker’s dishes to the kitchen, finishing her own oatmeal while she was there. Back in the living room, she adjusted the sheet over Parker and brushed her hair off her forehead. Her skin was clammy. Erin shivered like she was the one with the fever.
Cassie slid up against the arm of the love seat. Erin didn’t sit next to her. She couldn’t. She sat in the chair across the room and kept her eyes on her daughter.
An Innocents marathon was on the TV. It took an entire episode for Erin’s muscles to unclench. It wasn’t Cassie’s fault that Parker was sick. Sure, it felt like a sign, like the universe was pointing out they were doing something wrong, but Erin didn’t believe in signs. And she never would have interrupted Parker sleeping in—Cassie beside her on the couch or not.
Every Sunday during the semester, when Parker would call, she’d talk about reading she had to do for class, about essays and paintings and how much she hated the math class she had to take for gen ed requirements. She worked so hard. Erin was going to let her rest.
And she was resting, snoring away on the couch.
Cassie turned up the volume of the TV.
“Just put on captions,” Erin stage-whispered. “I don’t want to wake her up.”
“Why are you babying her?” Cassie asked, but she turned the captions on.
Erin looked over at Parker. Her baby. The best thing she ever did. She was strong and smart and everything, and Erin would do anything for her. Erin had stayed in a long-dead marriage for her, had eventually left it for her.
“When you raise a kid, it’s so easy to fuck up,” Erin said. “You don’t mean to, but you do. I can’t always control whether or not I do right by her. But in this I can. She feels bad, and I can make it a little better. She deserves so much more, but this I can do.”
For a moment, there was no sound but a Folgers commercial on the TV.
“You’re too much sometimes, you know that?” Cassie said.
Erin looked at her, for the first time since Parker had come downstairs. “Should I be offended or flattered?”
Even as she asked, she knew the answer just by the look on Cassie’s face.