At the time I saw myself as a genuine glamour—from the waist up. In fact, my ad read: Absolutely Stunning. I charged $300 per hour while the going rate was $180 per hour and there was never any shortage of punters. I was told at least eight times a day that I was hot. But in my mind I was hideous from the waist down.
Our daughters hit it off straight away, they built sand castles together and played jump sticks in the sand, leaving Austin and I time to talk and tan. He opened up about how his wife had died and how he felt watching her die. I knew that this was the first time he had talked like this. His monologue was long, and I listened intently. After about half an hour I realised that he was going to expect my story of Ben’s death and I would have to lie.
‘So, Annika, how did Ben go?’
A cold wind blew on my sunburnt shoulders. I turned to grab my shirt for some warmth.
‘Austin, I’m starting to feel a little cold, it seems that the sea breeze is here to stay, so why don’t we get the kids dry?’ We turned to our daughters, who were still playing happily despite the fact that they were very pink from our neglecting to reapply sunscreen. Austin invited us to stay for a barbecue dinner, which I was delighted about because I had no intention of letting the day end. He was a dream come true. Austin commandeered the grill while I played with the girls.
Amanda was a quiet girl in dire need of a woman’s touch. We danced together to the radio and did each other’s hair. After dinner, I packed up my towels and said our thank yous. Amanda gave me the biggest hug and begged me to come back next weekend. Poppy was also reluctant to leave, but it was late and I knew that if I stayed I would be tempted to unleash all my pent-up sexual frustration on this man. I wanted him to respect me, I wanted his daughter to respect me and I wanted to set the right example for Poppy. But most of all I wanted to jump this man’s bones. I wanted to satisfy him like he had never experienced in his life. I wanted to feel his lips on my nipples, on my lips, on my everything. But instead all I gave him was my phone number. There was no kiss, just a knowing smile.
A week and a half later we arranged to go to a concert together. He looked almost edible when he arrived to pick me up but I restrained myself from greeting him with a kiss. He had not tried to lay a finger on me as yet and I was not about to make the first move. I wanted to grab his hand or stroke his leg about a hundred times during the concert and probably another fifty times on the drive home. I swear I had the patience of a virgin when I wanted. We sat together on my couch after the concert.
‘So tell me about Ben, Annika.’
I knew this was coming so I just let my lips take over. I talked about how we had met. I talked about how I loved him, and how in truth I still probably did. I told Austin how Ben started acting out of character and at times, totally irrationally. I told him how he went to a doctor and was diagnosed with a dreadful life-threatening disease. I told him Ben didn’t want to burden me with his illness while I was expecting our child so left me to be with his family.
At this point I found myself crying. Austin was sitting opposite me on the other couch. He made no attempt to come to my aid or comfort me, he just sat there watching me.
I digressed to after Poppy was born. In my mind, everything I’d said had been the truth. I felt no guilt for being misleading. I wanted to be the widow for St Ben not the ex-girlfriend of crazy Ben.
I’m not sure whether he saw holes in my story, but if he did he never said so. His reaction was silent acknowledgement. For the rest of the evening we talked about anything and everything. At some point, he joined me on my couch. His restraint was unbelievable to the point of annoying. I really questioned whether he felt only sympathy for me and not sexual desire. We were both yawning but I was determined not to let him leave without a decent kiss.
All at once, he jumped up and said, ‘Annika, I’m really tired, thanks for a great evening, I had a great time. Let’s do this again.’
I felt like saying, ‘Do what?’ But I closed the door behind him, locked it, turned off the light and let him leave. I sat on the couch and emptied the rest of my Riccadonna into a champagne flute, contemplating how I could have put him off. Why didn’t he want me?
Just as I was downing the wine there was a knock at my door.
Austin was standing at my door holding my jumper. ‘You left this in the car, I thought you may need it.’
My brain was telling me to jump him. Drag him into the bedroom. Rip open my top and smother him with a breast sandwich.
‘Annika, I may be going out on a limb here, but I am going to take a chance—could I have a goodnight kiss?’
My heart was soaring. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’ I turned my cheek to meet his lips, then turned my head to kiss him passionately on the lips.