Not personally.
That's not to say we didn't have history, a sordid history. But I didn't know what else to do with River. All I could think about was the look that would inevitably cross her face when I brought her home to my house.
No thanks. I sure as fuck wasn’t a masochist.
And I sure as fuck wasn't bringing her home.
Not to my house.
Not to my mother.
Not to my brother.
"You sure we shouldn't have called first?" she asked, giving me this weird look.
"I'm sure it's fine." I said. I wasn't.
River met me on my side of the vehicle. Her hand went up to my shirt, where the collar would be, her fingers lingering at my neck line. The way she did it, the way she paused there, reminded me of a scene from an old movie, the way a woman would adjust the tie of a man.
"Well," she said. "I'm guessing this is goodbye." Up on her tiptoes, she touched her lips gently to the side of my face.
"I'll walk you inside," I said. "Jesus, I am a gentleman."
She laughed, this bawdy, totally in the moment sound that lacked any kind of pretense whatsoever. Her finger trailed across my chest, and she bit the bottom of her lip. I could see her tongue snake along the edge of her lip, and it made it me want to be the one doing the biting. "Somehow I doubt that," she said.
"That I'm a gentleman?" I asked, my brow furrowed. All of a sudden, I was offended that she didn't think of me that way. I found myself wondering what the hell I'd need to do to prove that I was, in fact, a gentleman.
River nodded, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "Elias Saint, I doubt you could ever be a gentleman."
She turned and walked toward the white ranch house, leaving me wondering whether the hell that was an insult or a compliment.
And leaving me in her wake.
I had a feeling I wasn't the first man to feel that way.
***
At the front door of the ranch house, River knocked. I stood behind her, feeling like I was back in middle school again, the dirty son of a coal miner, a no good kid from my no good home. I knew June Barton owned this place now, and June's family wasn't like that. I didn't know her, but I knew that much.
She didn't know me, either. Not personally. That's what I was counting on here. The last thing I wanted, with River standing right here, was for June to realize who I was.
A woman came to the door, wearing an apron over her T-shirt and jeans. The apron didn't do much to hide her pregnancy; in fact, it seemed to accentuate her growing belly. "Hi there," she said. "I'm June. Are you the Robinsons? I wasn't expecting you-I thought you'd cancelled your reservation." She looked back and forth between River and me.
"No," River said and she looked at me for a moment and I thought she was about to turn around and bail. What the hell was she going to do here in West Bend anyway? But then she answered. "We're not the Robinsons. Actually, I just wanted to see if you had any availability."
June looked back and forth between the two of us again. She paused for a moment, her eyes narrowing, and for a second I had the irrational fear that she recognized me.
But the moment passed, and June held open the screen door, beckoning us inside. Inside, the ranch house was painted in white and blue, the hardwood floors gleaming. It was a nice place, and I was glad that this was the place where June lived now. I was glad that my family wasn't responsible for destroying her entire life.
I was happy she had this, even though I didn't know her. I was too young back then, back when it all happened.
A kid, I wasn't sure how old, a couple years maybe, came toddling across the room on unsteady feet and June scooped him up in her arms. "What are you doing, little Stan?" She asked. "Did your daddy lose track of you?"
"Nope, I'm right behind him," a voice called out, and a man rounded the corner, dressed in faded blue jeans and a T-shirt, his arms covered in tattoos. I immediately recognized one of the tattoos as the identifying mark of a Marine Corps sniper. I was pretty sure that was Cade. I was young when all the shit happened, just a toddler, but I knew of Cade from later on, by reputation. I knew he'd been injured in the Marines, gotten a Silver Star.
I hoped he didn't know who the hell I was.
“Afternoon,” Cade said. “You all visiting West Bend?”
“I am,” River said. “He’s come h-”
I interrupted her. “Just visiting.”
River gave me a weird look.
“You know, you look so familiar,” June said. “I bet you get this all the time, but you look like that girl from the movies, the one in all those romantic comedies, you know who I’m talking about, Cade?”
Cade rolled his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m real big on the romantic comedies.”
“She’s married to that rock star, Viper Gabriel. Or getting married or something,” June said. “River - that’s it. River Something. It's on the tip of my tongue. The pregnancy is making me stupid lately, can't remember anything.”