Those cops, Saunders, and Bonetti, when they came to our home that was the last straw. Until their visit, I didn’t think I really understood how deep you were in. I knew you operated outside of the law and I couldn’t respect that. What they told me was worse than anything I could ever have imagined. They said you killed a woman and a cop.
Right now, whatever you tell me, I’ll believe. I want to believe in you again Sam.” Lux knew her plea sounded as though she was begging and she didn’t care. She wanted an assurance that her brother wasn’t the monster those detectives made him out to be.
“Why now, why not eleven years ago? Why not after our mother died? Why are you willing to believe anything I have to say now?”
“Because, three times in a very short period of time, I caught a glimpse of the young man I grew up with. The loving brother who took care of me, and had the power to eradicate all my hurts. You see, I remember my hero, the one person who used to completely understand me. Now I want to know what happened to him. I need an explanation that tells me what turned my brother into a killer!”
By the time, she finished speaking tears were running down her cheeks. All the hurt surrounding their father and mother’s death and his absence throughout it all finally found an outlet.
“I’m sorry, Luxie.”
His words were so simple, for a moment she wanted to throw them back in his face. But she knew he was trying. In his own way, he too had suffered as much as she. Yet she still didn’t understand his actions, and she needed to if she were to finally move on; so she reconsidered her response.
“What are you sorry for, Sam?” Lux asked. Because of his momentary hesitation, she decided to offer him the courtesy of allowing his words to unfold as they would.
“I loved our father but I didn’t respect him. Not because he was a weak man but because he took on the responsibility of a family and then turned his back on us.
By the time I was thirteen, he’d more or less checked out. You were little more than a baby and you adored him.” Sam looked up at his sister and smiled. “I think every little girl’s first love should be her father. I wanted that for you Luxie. I wanted it so much that I did things I shouldn’t have because I wanted you and mom to retain that status quo you spoke about.”
“I don’t remember.”
“You were so young, I don’t expect you to.” Sam paused for a while, a glazed look in his eyes.
Memories, Lux thought. Whether the recall was of pleasure or pain, she didn’t know.
“Do you remember the last time we were all together in Trinidad, Lux; I was sixteen almost seventeen so that would have made you around seven.” Sam broke off and looked at his sister. “Do you have memories of being that age?”
“Yes, I remember that our grandparents wanted our parents to leave us with them and there was a big fight.”
“That’s right; I guess the fight was my fault. Our grandfather asked me if I was okay and I told the truth. I said, no. I told him our father wasn’t taking care of us. I said, he’d lost one job after the other because he felt he shouldn’t have to take orders from snot-nosed kids, as he called them.
I told him our father’s way out was to start his own business. Nothing wrong with that, if he hadn’t borrowed money from the wrong people to pay off the money he borrowed from the bank.”
“Oh for God’s sake,” Lux interjected. “Our father wasn’t a fool so stop trying to give that impression!”
“You’re right, our father wasn’t a fool, he was much worse. He was a dreamer.”
“Are you trying to tell me you considered your family when you became the man you are today?” Lux asked in defense of their father.
“Believe it or not, Lux, you and our mother were not my responsibility that was dad’s job.”
Lux suddenly found she was losing patience with him again, and she was over keeping that fact to herself. It was all well and good others telling her she didn’t listen, but when she felt she was hearing a pile of crap, it was difficult to hold her tongue.
“Well, which is it, one minute you say you felt the need to look after us, and the next, we weren’t your responsibility. Got to tell ya, Sammy, I’m a little confused.” Breaking off, Lux imbued her eyes with as much irritation as she could manage before continuing. “In my humble opinion, you’re just talking around what you really have to say, so much so, you’re getting on my nerves!”
Lux had no idea why Josh took that moment to drop his chin to his chest. Out there in the big bad world, her brother might be a force to be reckoned with, but she would always call him on his shit. She didn’t care if he took exception to it. Taking pity on Josh, she gave his leg a pat in reassurance before returning her attention to her brother.
“You’re a piece of work, do you know that, Luxandria?”
“So I’ve been told and I’m not about to change perfection!”