Love Me (Take a Chance)

chapter Ten


As she poured iced tea into glasses, Brianna watched Thomas—but she wasn’t really seeing him. At least, not the man who stood in her kitchen. No, she couldn’t forget the momentary look of panic, masterfully hidden save for a flicker in his eyes, when he’d taken Katelyn’s hand. As if he feared he’d ruin even such a simple gesture. He always seemed so certain he’d do or say the wrong thing if he wasn’t schmoozing. All it took was one perceived misstep for the quiet, honest man she was coming to know to retreat behind the slick, smiling corporate mannequin.

She didn’t know why he was like that, but she had a feeling it had everything to do with his ex-wife. There was a certain desperation to Thomas underneath that carefully crafted exterior. A desperation, she thought, to be understood. To understand himself. As if he was stuck in the path he’d made for himself, and unable to break free. A prisoner of his past.

Lining the glasses up on a tray, she asked, “Do you want to spend some time with the kids before dinner?”

He tensed. “Sure.”

“Hey. They aren’t time bombs. They won’t spontaneously combust if you look at them wrong.” She touched his arm. “Well, Zach might. But he’ll warm up to you. Don’t take it personally.”

Thomas smiled briefly but his eyes had the look of a cornered animal, wild and wary. “I know.”

“Then once more into the breach?”

“Looks like.”

He picked up the tray and strode into the living room. She followed—and walked into a scene of chaos. Cody was on the floor, surrounded by a tumble of toys; Zach was sprawled in a chair with his iPod, shutting out the world with his earbuds. Katelyn had her face scrunched up, her eyes squeezed closed, her mouth open…and as the tears gushed down, she let out a shrieking, pitiful wail.

Brianna rushed to her side, but somehow Thomas managed to put down the tray and still get there first. He dropped to one knee next to Katelyn and, before she could take a breath for another shriek, scooped her into his arms. Brianna fought the urge to snatch her child away from him. As if he would harm Katelyn or something. But he wasn’t a strange man. He was her— Okay, she didn’t know what he was. But she held her breath and held back, even if it took all her willpower. She had to give him a chance.

Thomas nudged Katelyn under her chin, urging her to look at him. “Hey now, munchkin. No need for all that. What’s wrong?”

“C-Cody won’t let me be M-M-Megatron.” She screwed up her face, looking at him with huge, pleading eyes.

Cody thrust his lower lip out with a scowl. “They’re my Transformers. I can be whoever I want. And I want to be Megatron.”

Brianna sighed. Damn it, she’d had this talk with Cody before. He never wanted to share and was always horrible about hoarding his toys until his sister cried. All it did was reinforce the idea that Katelyn would get her way if she cried, and Brianna had been trying to break her of that. “Young man, you—”

“That’s all right,” Thomas said. Brianna stared at him. What was he doing? But he only shrugged, offering Cody an easy smile. “You can be Megatron. Katelyn and I are going to play something better than Transformers.”

Katelyn’s eyes widened. “Better than Transformers?”

“Mmm hmm. We’re going to play cops and robbers. I’ll be the cop. You can be the robber.”

“Robbers are big and scary,” Katelyn said solemnly, sniffling.

Thomas tapped the tip of Katelyn’s nose. “Just like Megatron.”

The little girl’s face lit up in a brilliant smile, but Cody’s expression darkened. He huffed and folded his arms over his chest. “Hey! You can’t play without me!”

“Since you don’t want to share, you’ll have to be a cop, too,” Thomas said.

“I don’t wanna be the good guy.”

Thomas hunkered down on one knee; he set Katelyn on her feet, but she clung to him anyway with a smile that made Brianna’s heart clench. “Hey, we have to be fair. How about if you’re a rebel cowboy instead?”

Cody tilted his head. “Maybe…”

“You’ve got that tree house, right? That can be the wild, wild west.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Cody shrugged and looked away.

Katelyn giggled and ran at him, flapping her arms like a cape. “You’d better run! I’m gonna get you!”

“You are such a dork,” he said, rolling his eyes—but he dropped his Transformers and sprinted for the door, Katelyn’s shrieking laughter nearly overriding his attempt to growl, “Why so serious?”

Thomas stood, watching them go with a rather odd look. Brianna stared at him. She couldn’t believe he’d just stepped in and took control over the situation. Part of her wanted to be angry. He’d taken over when she should have been disciplining her children. Cody should be in his room until dinner, and she should have been the one to hug Katelyn’s tears away. But her children were happy and he’d brought them to a truce with a minimum of tears and sulking. Oh, she wanted to be angry, but how much of that was the fact that he’d infringed on her territory, and how much was the fact that she, just like her son, didn’t like to share?

Is that the real reason I’ve been keeping people at a distance?

He caught her eye and quirked a brow. She looked away. “How did you know exactly what to say?”

“Younger sister.” He sank down on the couch. “You get used to it.”

“Ah.” One more grudgingly vouchsafed bit of information. One more piece of the personal puzzle that was Thomas. And one more reminder that he didn’t want to talk about his family, from his clipped tone and tight posture. Brianna sighed and changed the subject. “I worry about them in that tree house. Michael first built it for Zach. I’m not exactly handy enough to maintain it; it’s falling apart.”

“I’ll take a look at it this weekend. I can swing a hammer.”

“Cody will love you forever. Or at least until he outgrows it.”

He stretched his arm along the back of the couch and fixed her with a pointed look. Was she supposed to take that as an invitation?

He was still watching her. Waiting. She gathered her dignity and, with as much poise as she could manage, sat down next to him, somewhat within his embrace. A breath later his arm hooked around her and hauled her close against his side, fitting her snugly against the comfortable strength of his body.

“Oh!” She steadied her hands against his chest and looked up. Her nose bumped his chin. His lips were so close and her mouth throbbed with the memory of the kiss only a few minutes ago. “You’re supposed to be outside playing.”

“I’ll go out in a second.”

Zach made a disgusted sound. “Are you two done being lame? When is dinner going to be here?”

Brianna broke away quickly. “Don’t take that tone, young man.”

“Whatever. I’ll be in my room.” He unfolded himself from the chair and stalked toward the stairs.

“You want to kick the ball around later?” Thomas called after him.

“F*ck off,” drifted down from the second floor, followed by the slam of a door.

“Swear jar,” Thomas said mildly and Brianna burst into laughter.

“Stop making me laugh. I’m supposed to be angry and taking him to task.”

“He gets a free pass on that one. Next one, I’ll make him wash my car. With a toothbrush.”

“Military tactics.” She sighed and settled back against him. “I’m starting to think he might need that. Without his father, discipline has been nearly impossible.”

“He probably needs to feel like you’re his friend. Not his mother.”

The odd note in his voice prompted her to look up at him. His face was closed, and he looked across the living room with darkened eyes.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I mean…when there’s only one parent, there’s no good cop, bad cop.” His voice was almost too quiet. “There’s only you and them against the world. He needs to feel like you’re on his side, because when you’re his enemy, there’s no other parent to turn to.”

She touched his cheek. “How do you know that?”

“My dad wasn’t around, either.” He seemed to snap from his trance, and looked down at her with a bitter quirk to his mouth. “He never had much of an excuse for his absence. Didn’t even bother to try.”

She wanted so much to kiss him until that hard set to his mouth softened and warmed, until the old, angry pain in his eyes eased—because she didn’t know what else to do. If she said anything, he’d only withdraw from her and shut off again.

The doorbell rang. They jerked apart. Thomas’s eyes cleared, blanking over with practiced ease, and he stood. “I’ll get it.”

Damn it all to hell. One of these days she’d get to the heart of this man without a million inconvenient interruptions.

She pried herself off the couch and hurried after him. “You’re not paying again. This one’s on me. You go play for a minute while I set up for dinner.”

“But I want to pay.”

She bit back a smile. He sounded like a petulant little boy. “So do I.”

“Well, since I don’t want to argue with you tonight…” He stepped aside. “I’ll go chase your kids until they’re too tired to run anymore.”

She chuckled. “Go for it.”

He nodded and slipped out the back door. She fished her wallet out of her purse and dug out a twenty. Michael’s face stared up at her from the wallet’s photo slot, his eyes serious.

She dropped it, her throat aching. What would Michael think of Thomas? Would he have liked him? Would he have wanted her to spend the rest of her life alone, or would he have wanted her to move on? To find happiness again?

She closed her purse, shutting her worries and fears inside. For now, the only thing she should be worrying about was pizza.

The kids were all upstairs.

It was the first time they’d been alone in hours. Thomas was in the kitchen putting away the dishes. Brianna hovered in the living room and watched him from the darkness. He’d rolled his sleeves up to his biceps and he moved with a grace and surety that made her long to touch him.

They’d said they’d take things slow, so she would. But she still burned to be in his arms. Burned to feel his lips on her skin.

“I can see you, you know,” he murmured. “I have amazing night vision.”

She chuckled and walked into the kitchen. “Do you wear a spandex costume, too?”

“Only in the bedroom. It turns me on.”

“There is something very damned wrong inside your mind.”

“Swear jar.”

She rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t count when they’re asleep.”

“Oh really?” He wiped his hands on a dishtowel and turned to face her. “Says who?”

“Says me. I’m the boss here.”

“Hmm.” He crossed the room, his gaze burning. “Is that so?”

“Yes. It is.”

He bent so that his lips brushed her ear. His low, throaty whisper teased her. “And what does the boss want me to do next?”

Everything. Anything. As long as you’re touching me. “She wants you to kiss her.”

He picked her up, set her on the counter, and insinuated his body between her legs—so close, but not close enough. He caressed her thighs, sending pings of hunger skyrocketing through her body. She curled his shirt into her hands and clenched them into fists, tugging him closer.

“I think that’s an order I can accommodate,” he said, and threaded his fingers into her hair. He nibbled her lower lip—a sharp nip, before he licked the sting away and captured her lips. Their tongues twined. His fingers stroked her tingling scalp. Desire pooled in her stomach, sending a jolt of need to her core. She rubbed her heat against him, moaning into his mouth.

His hand slid free from her hair. His touch roved down her shoulders, over her breasts. He toyed with her nipples through her dress, but it felt as if he’d stripped her naked, touching bare skin instead of fabric. The need he roused in her was too strong and refused to be ignored.

He grasped her bottom and pulled her tighter against his body. She rocked her hips against him and dug her nails into his chest through his shirt. “F*ck, Brianna,” he hissed, and tipped her back against the counter, rattling the dishes in the drying tray. Suddenly his lips were on hers again, and his fingers roughly pushed her dress up. She arched her back with a desperate anticipation, knowing his fingers would soon ease the empty ache inside of her.

His fingers brushed against her, and she shuddered with a low moan. Such a light touch and she was already ready for him, wet and aching, her body clenching with the need to feel him. His gaze burned into her with a possessive wildness that forced her to turn her face away. The desire in every look was too much, his eyes nearly black with need. Too much to believe that she could rouse any man to such heights, let alone this one.

But then he hissed and jerked back, his breathing harsh. She went stiff, staring up at him in confusion. Dear God, what had she been doing? No wonder he—

“Someone’s coming,” he said, and she dropped a good ten bucks’ worth for the swear jar as she tumbled off the counter, smoothed her dress, and tried to calm her racing breath. Thomas cursed and looked around quickly, then stood off to the side to lean against the counter casually. And damned if he didn’t pull it off, too. She, meanwhile, probably looked a wreck.

Katelyn walked in, her teddy bear clutched in her arms. Brianna smoothed her hair and plastered a smile on her face. She shouldn’t have even bothered. Her daughter wasn’t here for her. Katelyn didn’t even look Brianna’s way when she asked, “Can Thomas tuck me in?”

Brianna couldn’t even answer. Her face was so hot she felt dizzy. She’d almost been caught nearly having sex on the kitchen counter—by her youngest child. What kind of mother did that? What was she turning into?

“Sure, I can tuck you in,” Thomas said, his voice far too even. “If it’s okay with your mom.”

He squatted down beside Katelyn, his motions perfectly steady and calm. While she, on the other hand, could barely stand up. Not. Fair. Wasn’t he affected at all? Or was this wholly one-sided? He looked like he hadn’t even been touching her, let alone driving her insane with want next to a half-empty box of Cocoa Puffs.

She studied him closely. No heat in his eyes, no hint of vulnerability. Just the mask he showed the world. How long would he keep that mask up around her? Or was he so stuck in the role that he’d never wholly let it go?

“Sure.” She wrapped her arms around herself and nodded, even though she had already said yes. Her head felt heavier than usual. As if the mere effort of nodding was too much strain for her neck. “You can tuck her in, and then go home.”

He shot her a look, then offered Katelyn his hand. “Come on, Princess. Let’s get you in bed.”

He left the kitchen, hand in hand with Katelyn. Brianna followed with leaden steps, but when they entered Katelyn’s room, she hovered in the hallway and eavesdropped without a hint of guilt, watching just past the doorframe. This was her daughter—and Thomas was still practically a stranger.

“Are you going home now?” Katelyn asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” Thomas sat on the bed and patted the mattress. “But I’ll tuck you in before I leave.”

“Can you come over again soon?” Katelyn climbed into bed and pointed at the corner of the room, where her pink plastic tea set was almost permanently in residence. Stuffed animals sat at each place setting. Two spots were empty. “I want to play tea party with you. See? I left you a spot.”

Thomas looked at the tea set and swallowed hard. His face was soft, the tight set to his lips easing. His guard was down and if he wasn’t careful Katelyn would worm her way right into his heart. She was good at that.

If only Brianna was so sure of her own ability to slip past his defenses.

Thomas smiled. “Sure.”

“Good.” Katelyn yawned. “Can you be my new daddy? Mine’s in heaven.”

Brianna’s heart stopped beating for a brief second, and then sped up painfully at Katelyn’s words. Did she miss having a father in her life so badly that she would ask anyone to take his place? Had Brianna somehow failed her children? And what would Thomas say to that?

She blinked away the tears and stifling pain to watch. His eyes widened and the moonlight reflected off his pale cheeks through the window. Brianna thought for certain that he’d stammer something and back out, then run for the door and out of her life as quickly as possible. But he took a deep breath and brushed Katelyn’s hair back from her face.

“He may be in heaven but that doesn’t mean your daddy doesn’t still love you very much.” Thomas tucked her in, kissed her forehead, and smoothed the bedspread around her shoulders. “Good night.”

He stood, eyes locked on the picture of Michael on Katelyn’s nightstand. Picking it up with an unsteady hand, he studied it closely, then set it down. He turned and left the room, but froze when he nearly ran into Brianna in the hall. She hardly saw him. She was choking on her own tears, nearly blind. Their salt taste was bitter. Too bitter.

He stared at her, then reached out and drew her close. “Hey.” He wiped her cheeks dry, then cupped them in his hands. “Are you all right?”

She nodded and bit her lip. Over Thomas’s shoulder, Michael stared down at them, holding a baby Katelyn in his arms. His blue eyes shone brightly with happiness, and his ruffled brown hair—that he’d passed down to Zach—was in desperate need of a trim. But he looked so happy. Who would have guessed that just a few months later, he’d be dead? Who would have thought he’d be nothing but a memory and Katelyn would move on enough to ask another man to be her daddy?

Her daughter needed a father, badly.

And Brianna needed someone, too. Someone to hold her up when she was ready to fall. Someone who could take on some of the burden of keeping this family together, so that some days she could walk away from work and say, I need to get home to my kids. She took care of them well enough, but sometimes she felt she still didn’t give them the actual care they needed. Being a working mom sucked on her own. She tried to be everything to them but she could only spread herself so far.

How long had it been since she’d sat down to tea with Katelyn? She couldn’t even remember. So why should she waste the time she could spend with her kids on this useless, empty dalliance without even knowing if he would stay in Vegas or not? She wasn’t interested in the long-distance relationship he had alluded to once. Her kids deserved better than an absentee stand-in of Michael. They deserved someone who would be there, day in and day out.

Michael had always volunteered for night duty with Katelyn. Every morning Brianna would find him on the couch with her, the tiny baby asleep on his chest, tucked in with her father. He would smile at her, his eyes sleepy, when she woke him up for work. He’d smile sleepily and ask her why he would want to go work in a crummy accounting office when he had a slice of heaven in his arms.

He’d been such a good father.

She bit back a sob. Her gaze latched onto the photo. “You should go now. It’s been a long day.”

He looked over his shoulder. His back stiffened. He looked back at Brianna, his face etched with hard lines. “He would have wanted you to move on, Brianna.”

“Don’t. You didn’t know him.” She backed away. “I…I need to be alone now. I’m sorry, but I need to think.”

“Okay.” Thomas’s mouth set in a hard line, but he dropped a tender kiss on her head as he passed. His hand squeezed hers, lingering. He walked away but didn’t release her hand completely until he was out of her reach. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He walked down the hallway, out of her sight. She didn’t know if she wanted to chase him down or push him away and tell him never to come back. Nor did she know if she wanted to cling to a memory, certain and safe—or take a risk on something new. Someone new. Someone whose loss could destroy her.

Just as much as Michael’s.