“I understand. I promise I’ll be careful. Can we keep this between us?”
His eyes search mine. “Am I going to regret doing that?”
“No. I promise I was distracted and rushing. I don’t want to upset Aaron or my brother.”
“That’s the part I’m worried about. Just . . . be more careful with yourself.”
“I will. I gotta get to Harry’s, but when I get home, I’ll make you some muffins or biscuits, okay?”
“Okay, take it slow.” He lopes back to his truck, and I climb into my car and turn the engine over.
He follows me most of the way to town, then turns one street before me and heads up the hill toward the McMansions. The tension in my shoulders eases once he’s no longer behind me. I hope I can trust him not to say anything to my brother, Dillion, or Aaron.
Everything is going so well; the last thing I want is for any of them to make a big deal about a fender bender. I need some time to catch up on all the projects I have going on, and then things will settle down again and I can get back to my normal routine. It’s going to be fine. It has to be.
CHAPTER 23
NO MORE SECRETS
Aaron
“I don’t want to put you in a difficult place, Aaron, but Jamie’s been asking if we can come for a visit. We could always stay in a hotel in the next town over. Or maybe we could rent a place on a neighboring lake if that would be easier?” My dad’s tone is gentle, not pushing, because he never does.
And maybe that’s the problem.
He’s not the kind of guy to push his own agenda.
And I can see my own role in making it this way. My inability to come clean with my mother about my relationship with my dad. The way I’ve tried to separate my life into two distinct halves that never cross paths. As I sit on my couch, with Teagan beside me, her eyes full of questions and concerns—likely at my expression—I have to wonder who I’m hurting most by trying to keep them separate from my mom.
“There’s no reason for you to rent a place or stay at a hotel, unless you’re not a huge fan of sleeping in my two-bedroom shack.” I cringe as soon as the words are out. “I meant that as a joke, Dad, not in that I believe you care about how big my house is.”
He chuckles. “I know that, son. I just don’t want to inconvenience you.”
“It’s not an inconvenience at all. And we’re finishing up a project this week, and then we’ll have a couple of days off early next week, so if you can make it a long weekend, that would be great.”
“You’re sure about this? I know how tricky the situation is for you.”
“I’m sure. I’ll see about getting my old trailer set up, and if the squirrels haven’t made a home out of it, maybe Jamie and I can have a campout while he’s here.”
“He’d love that. Will Teagan be around?”
“She absolutely will.” I reach out and squeeze her hand. “I know Jamie’s been asking about her nonstop.”
“He’s enamored, like you. I’ll call you later in the week to firm up the details, then?”
“That sounds good.”
We say our goodbyes, and I end the call. Tossing my phone on the coffee table, I exhale a breath and try to shake off the anxiety.
“Your dad is coming to visit,” Teagan says.
“Yeah. I can’t keep making excuses as to why they can’t come here.” Or why we have to go two towns over whenever we go anywhere. “And frankly, I don’t want to anymore.”
“Do you think your mom will still be upset? When was the last time you tried to talk to her about it?” Teagan has gotten to know my mom because they both work at Harry’s. They have lunch together in the break room sometimes. My mom adores her, which is great because I do too.
I was worried after she met Jamie and Lydia and my dad that she would accidentally mention them to my mom, and then I’d have to explain or deal with the guilt. But I can see what not dealing with this has done to me. How it’s made me closed off and set me up for a lifetime of meaningless one-night stands with women who only see me as a means to an orgasm. Until I met Teagan.
Teagan, who always puts herself last.
Teagan, who’s fighting ghosts and struggling to let me in. And I’m putting her in an impossible position, forcing her to keep my secrets.
I’m so in love with her it’s almost painful. And if I can’t face down my own demons, how in the world can I expect her to face hers?
So I’m willing to take this step in order to help her see that she’s got her own healing to do too.
“Yeah. I have to. I’ve been putting it off because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but honestly, the only person whose life this doesn’t affect is hers—at least it hasn’t, because I’ve been keeping her in the dark. I’ve spent all these years blaming myself for Devon’s death, all this time hiding the relationship I’ve had with my dad, and all it does is breed resentment. And now you have to keep this secret from her too. It’s not fair to you, or me, or anyone. I don’t want to live two separate lives anymore. I can’t.” I’m hoping that if I take this step, I might be able to help her take one of her own. Get her to drop some of the obligations she’s been taking on, and maybe convince her to talk to Van about Bradley so it doesn’t weigh so heavy on her shoulders.
“Then you should talk to her. Tell her what you need. You’ve been sitting on this pain for a lot of years. Let her take some of the burden, then maybe you can both heal.”
I wish she could take some of her own advice.
The next night I head over to my mom’s for dinner. Teagan sends me with biscuits and muffins. I half wanted to invite her along so I’d have the buffer, but it’s Thursday night and she has to work, and putting her in the middle of this situation more than she already is isn’t fair.
My mom lives in a one-bedroom apartment on the first floor of a fiveplex. Everything in it is tired and in need of updating, but she refuses my help financially and always has.
“Hey, Mom.” I give her a hug, her small frame dwarfed by mine. She’s wearing a pair of jeans and a loose sweater.
“It’s good to see you, come on in. I wasn’t sure if you were bringing Teagan or not.” She seems disappointed by her absence.
“She has to work tonight, but she sent along some treats. You’ll have to come over for dinner one of these days. She can cook like nobody’s business.”
“That sounds lovely. She’s such a nice girl. And always on the go!”
“That she is. She’s not a fan of idle time.” To a fault, maybe. But I keep that to myself.
I help her prepare dinner, nerves making it hard for me to focus.
“Is everything okay, Aaron? You seem distracted,” she says as she pulls a root beer from the fridge and pops off the cap.
“I need to talk to you about something.”