“I don’t think we really care,” Liz said. “Do you care, Tori?”
She mumbled something with a mouthful of fried dough, then gave up and emphatically shook her head.
He helped himself to a cup of coffee since the servers were covered with melted butter and powdered sugar and needed to wash up. Once they’d done that and made a round of the tables, Liz joined him at the counter.
“Thank you for the fried dough. It was delicious.”
“You’re welcome. We had a bigger crowd than usual this year, so I was afraid they’d run out before you got some.” He finished the last of his coffee. “Do you think you’ll have to stay until closing? I’m wondering when I’ll get to see you tonight.”
He was surprised to see a guarded look come into her eyes. “I’m not sure. I’m probably going to work until closing and then I’m still opening in the morning, so...I’ll probably go home, shower and go to bed.”
“So I won’t see you until tomorrow night?”
She was looking everywhere but at his face and he didn’t need to be a police officer to know she was holding back. “Probably not. I’ll call you at least, though I might be beat after this kind of two-day schedule.”
Drew could take a hint. He dropped a dollar on the counter for the coffee and then kissed her cheek. “Just give me a call when you’re ready to get together.”
He walked back out into the sunshine, where his entire town sounded like a big, old party, and sighed. This morning, when he’d said something about her moving in with him, had been a big mistake. He’d pushed too hard, too soon, and she’d pulled back.
The question was how much.
*
Liz knew there was a crossroads coming in her relationship with Drew. And she had the unfortunate feeling she was going to stand in the middle of the crossroad and spin around, not sure which way to go, until she got dizzy, crashed and burned.
And he knew it, too, she realized as soon as he walked through her front door the day after the parade. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and his hello kiss landed on the corner of her mouth. “How was work today?”
“Quiet. Everybody expended all their desire to be out and about in town yesterday, I guess. How was your day off?”
He shrugged. “Mowed the lawn, stuff like that.”
For the first time, she felt really awkward. “Do you want something to drink?”
“What are we doing, Liz?”
She gave one last attempt to avoid stepping into that big intersection. “Standing in my living room while you tell me if you want a drink or not?”
“We’ve fallen into a routine, but it’s not a comfortable one for me. And I’m not sure how much of what we have comes from the way everybody else has assumed we’re a couple.”
“I...assumed we’re a couple. Aren’t we? We talked about spending time together. You’re up to three uniforms in my closet now.” She wasn’t sure she’d breathe again until he answered.
“Of course we are. But we live in a place that doesn’t offer a lot of options for dating, so we hang out here or at my house and it reinforces the routine.”
“What routine?” He was losing her. “I know my getting up at four-thirty has been hard on you. It’s an adjustment, I know.”
He shook his head. “It’s more than that. We’re almost like a married couple who lives in two different houses. But when I mentioned you moving in with me, it threw you and you pulled away a bit.”
“It took me off guard. I wasn’t expecting that so soon.”
“But is it too soon? Sometimes it’s just right, Liz. The only thing living together would change between us is not having to rush through mornings.”
“It would change me,” she said quietly. “The only thing that would change for you is that you don’t have to rush home in the morning. I would be giving up my house and my stuff and whatever I was going to do with my life because we both know you want children right away.”
He ran a hand over his hair, sighing. “But what is it you’re going to do with your life? Why is something you don’t even know you want more important than our future?”
“Because it wouldn’t be fair for me to have kids if that’s not what I really want.”
“You keep telling everybody you came home to be close to your family and figure out what you want to do with your life. I spent too many years married to a woman who didn’t want the same things in life that I did, to risk being with a woman who doesn’t even know what she wants.”
She wasn’t paying for what another woman had done. “What the hell am I supposed to do? Do you want a ten-year plan? Maybe I could do some spreadsheets and projection graphs.”
“There’s a big difference between projection graphs and basic signs of stability. You have inflatable pool toys in your living room, for God’s sake.”
“Hey, I like my furniture. It’s funky and my friends gave it to me.”