“Me either, but it beats trying to sneak chairs out of the campsites.”
Looking up, she gazed at the star-speckled sky and sighed. “You’re like a yo-yo, you know. You flirt and then you run away. You kiss me and then you run away. I’m starting to not like it.”
“I know.” His swing was swaying back and forth, his toe dragging in the dirt. “I’m not trying to play games with you. But there’s Mitch to consider, and being here with him has reinforced how much his friendship means to me.”
Rose had warned her there would be no going forward with Drew until one of them had told Mitch, but at the time she’d still been able to convince herself they weren’t really going forward, anyway. But now she knew whatever was between them might be stronger than she’d thought.
But, as she’d told him, she wanted to turn a man inside out. She wanted a man who’d walk through fire for her, and Drew wouldn’t stand up to her brother. “I don’t want to come between you and Mitch. You’ve been friends for as long as I can remember.”
“You know I want you.”
The quiet words tugged at her heart, but she kept her gaze on the dark shadow of the tree line. “It’s too messy.”
He was quiet for a few minutes, the only sound the slight creak of the swing chains. Then she heard him inhale deeply and blow out a slow breath. “Your family’s really great. I’ve enjoyed them. Even the kids. Maybe especially the kids. They’re tough to keep up with, but I like them a lot.”
“I know you and Mallory split up because she didn’t want children, so it must be a little hard to be around them if you want kids that badly.”
“It was the lying about wanting kids someday that ended the marriage. Sure, I want them, but who knows how things would have turned out if she’d told me up front how she felt.”
“But you’ve always wanted to be a dad?”
“Yeah.” His swing stilled as he stared out at some point in the darkness. “I’m an only child. My parents were pretty quiet people and, after my mom left, it was even quieter. My stepmother was a good woman, but I felt a lot like a third wheel. Then it was Mallory and I. So quiet and neat and orderly.”
“Some people like that.”
“I want loud and messy and crazy. I want crayons on the wall and bicycles in the driveway and playing ball in the backyard. I want to teach my kids to read and climb trees and drive a standard. I want noise and laughter and yelling and the kind of love that can’t ever be broken.”
Her heart ached for him, even though it was a strong reminder that Mitch wasn’t the only thing between them. “You’re still young, Drew. You’ll find the right woman and, before you know it, you’ll be scrubbing your walls and listening to the gears in that Mustang grind.”
“I’ll find the right woman, huh?” He looked at her then, his gaze holding hers in the darkness.
“She’s out there.” The idea of him finding that woman made her stomach hurt, but Drew already knew Liz wasn’t on the fast track to babies, baseballs and bicycles.
“It’s hard to find her when all I can think about is how much I want you.”
But not enough to risk his friendship with Mitch. Rather than continuing down what was turning out to be a depressing conversational path, she forced a humorless chuckle. “Pretty sure a baby would be a hard secret to keep from my brother.”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t seem inclined to say anything else, so Liz let the silence envelop them again. But sitting on the swing, wishing there weren’t so many stumbling blocks in the way of the chemistry neither of them could deny, just made her feel cold and she couldn’t stop the shiver.
“You want my sweatshirt?”
“No, I’m good. I think if I go crawl into my sleeping bag and get warm now, I might actually be able to sleep.”
“It’s probably pretty late, so I’ll turn in, too.” He stood at the same time she did, but didn’t move closer to her. Whether it was because he was afraid somebody was watching or because of her telling him the right woman was out there somewhere, he’d pulled back again. It was for the best.
“Good night, Drew.” She walked back to her tent without looking back and zipped herself in.
Once cocooned in nylon again, she heard his slow walk back to his tent and screwed her eyes shut. It didn’t help. The look in his eyes when he talked about finding the right woman still haunted her, the tears of frustration still leaked out, and sleep still didn’t come.
Chapter Eleven