“We have a new law practice in place,” Dan continued. “He’s eager to get started. He and his team need to meet with all the therapists...including you, Rayna, there in Long Beach. In fact, I recommended that he start with you as you're most familiar with all the locations and system considering your tenure with us. His name is Brian Thompson...” blah...blah was all I heard after that. Why would he start with me? The meeting was uneventful after that announcement. I couldn't wait to get out of there.
Work was busy per usual after the full staff meeting. That was the great thing about my job, I enjoyed it so much that I easily became engulfed and before I knew it, it was my lunch hour or time to leave for the day. But along with time would go my energy. I’d brought Azna into work with me so that I could conveniently get him to the vet for an evaluation and shots. I felt like this was a test run at parenting. Ewwwwww...I don't like the idea of that. I could never be a mom. I don't think I'm built for it. Besides I don't think it's in the cards for me anyway. I quickly thought to myself considering my loss of fetus recently.
My fearful thoughts were interrupted by an alert for a text.
Your departure left me wounded...and hanging. I don't want to get used to that. I'll buy your house. Just give me a fair price.
He is so sweet. The thought of his generous offer warmed me. Oh, Azmir, only if things were that simple.
Don't you have bigger acquisitions to take on, Mr. Jacobs? Sidebar: when's the next time I'll see you? I'd like to make up for leaving you hanging. I can even lick your wound(s) if it would make you feel better.
I can make myself available in 5 mins but that would be indecorous. If you shared my bed this wouldn't be an issue. Sidebar: Tonight?
Damn. Tonight wouldn't work. I have - don't laugh - church.
CHURCH? When did the halo appear? I missed it amongst the whips andchains. He teased.
I know. It's me trying something new to help cure my…issues.
Indeed. Just don't let them convince you that my bed isn't undefiled. Azmir quipped.
Oh, they'd probably submerge me in the baptism pool if they had privy to what you do to me in your bed and out. I couldn’t resist my twisted humor. I had to snicker to myself.
Until the next time you're in my bed (where I just might chain you to keep you there)...He replied. My breathing hitched.
Until then... (you wouldn't dare!)I ended our exchange.
Church wasn't too bad. We learned about purpose. We were even assigned "A Purpose Driven Life”, something I’d started reading immediately and found myself engulfed in during the first sit down. It was the perfect start to my journey, my self-discovery. It reminded me that my world was bigger than just me. That there was a Guider, a Being bigger and stronger than myself Who wanted to be depended on to fill me. The one thing that struck me is how Warren said God didn’t intend for us to live like the Monks in isolation. He wants us to commune together because somehow we helped each other grow and develop.
That was my biggest fear: depending on people. I’d come to depend on my solitude. It was a protective barrier. But I also knew that it was no longer working for me. For so many years that barrier only included virtually one person. That person is no longer with me, had left me bereft. That loss demonstrated that I couldn’t put my all into one person. I needed to put more substance into myself. I also needed something bigger than me to lean on. I couldn’t wait until the following week’s Bible study to explore the principles of the book.
In the meantime, I’d learned that the pastor of the church was a licensed therapist. I found it odd how I immediately felt drawn to his teaching persona. He was gentle and full of hope, solutions, and encouragement. Pastor Edmonson was a middle-aged Caucasian man who was enthralled by his beautiful wife, who so happened to be African American. They worked as a team that night and I was captivated by how they gelled. I wanted that with another human being. I’d suddenly felt overwhelmed by the concept of the journey to get to a point in a relationship where I could flow seamlessly with a man that way. I made note of the church’s website and decided to explore it for more information. Perhaps counseling would be a great assist for me during this period of evolution. I sure was desperate for change.