This doesn’t work that way, Jacobs!
“I just don’t like surprises or feeling like the third party out…I have no clue as to what just took place in there and I’m not comfortable with that.” I tried being cognizant of my tone, I didn’t want to bring too much emotion to the situation. I was in control!
“You handled yourself well in there,” he tried to assure me. “Tara is egotistical. It’s funny how you hit that one right on the head,” Azmir continued with a chuckle.
When I didn’t join in he relented, “Tara is an ex. We were together for quite some time and the breakup came as a surprise to her, although a blind man could see the shit coming.”
He glanced my way while driving and I kept my eyes glued to the pavement ahead so that he knew I was not satisfied with his answer.
“I’ve talked a little about her to you, not every detail because she doesn’t matter, not to mention the complexity of the situation. I have an extensive and extremely sensitive business relationship with her father. It’s a fragile relationship but as you can see, we’re both aware of the termination,” he included.
I choked down my pending tears. He was skirting around the big issue.
“What about her belly? Make me aware of the details concerning that, Azmir,” I demanded still facing forward.
“That’s not my baby, sweetheart.” His voice very firm, just above a whisper.
I wasn’t impressed, neither was I convinced. My heart twisted in pain and my throat restricted preventing the bile rising from my belly. I felt sick.
“Oh, yeah? And are you both aware of that?” I could no longer conceal my anger.
Needless to say we parted on bad terms that day.
~~~~~~~~~~
I didn’t see Azmir for weeks after that. He called and left messages, but I never returned them. We did however correspond a little through text when I asked him for some time. I tried to explain that the pregnancy was a deal breaker. I didn’t think I could wait for the birth of the baby to learn of its paternity.
The way I viewed it was she had a few months to go and in that time my feelings for this man could have increased tenfold. I was not so desperate that I would take on a man with a child, a child that was conceived just months before we became involved no less. And my brief encounter with that Tara chick told me that she would play the hell out of the baby momma role. I could see myself choking the hell out of her ass and catching troubles that I didn’t need in my life.
My heart wouldn’t endure the aftermath of a breakup if he were to decide to be with her because she was, in fact, carrying his child. Where would that leave me? No. Right now I would manage the sting of disappointment. I was undoubtedly in pain. The disappointment played similar to the countless encounters with all the men who I took on over the years. Azmir was good and damn intriguing, but he wasn’t worth me taking on baggage of that nature. It was difficult to stay away. Difficult to survive the lonely nights, but I managed. Because that’s how I mastered getting from day to day in my life; I managed. Through pain, betrayal and mistrust. I managed. Alone.
Within that time I decided to begin my Azmir detoxification.