I received your text and hope that you were able to resolve your issues in Canada. I know it must be difficult having to change the course of your plans unexpectedly. Unfortunately, I’ll be adding to that.
Azmir, I will not be moving back in with you. I apologize in advance for the inconvenience this may cause in planning Yazmine’s living situation. It’s just that no matter how hard I fight to forget, I can’t let go of your betrayal with Dawn Taylor. It was an eye-opener and I feel it’s not totally your fault. You have emotional needs that apparently I’m not meeting, which is probably why we haven’t taken on a formal relationship. As much as I am working on my deficiencies, I cannot expect you to wait on me to heal what ails me internally. I am damaged and it’s not fair to you at this point in your life when things are going so well to have to baby-sit a woman who’s so broken that she can’t assist with your needs. Dawn’s presence reminds me that there are other women who are more than willing to give you what you need while you wait on the glue to dry as I attempt to piece myself back together. Hopefully, we can take some time next week to discuss me returning your car and the things you’ve gifted me. Except for Azna. I wouldn’t survive losing the only two beings connected to my heart.
Please know that as much as you may hate me, I hate myself for fooling the both of us into thinking I could love you the way you need to be loved. I appreciate all you’ve done to make me feel whole and alive in my otherwise motionless and empty existence. I want you happy more than I want to continue to risk hurting you and at the end revealing that those very things you are waiting to surface in me are actually improbable possibilities.
Take care.
I owe you a debt of gratitude far beyond what I deserved.
Rayna
~~~~~~~~~~
The next two days came and went. My period and its symptoms relented and dissipated, much to my relief. I was still very blue, but miraculously still in motion.
That Friday, I met with Brian Thompson to discuss the pending lawsuit against the practice. He needed to brief me on the details of it and what to expect in the up and coming weeks from the preliminary hearings. I couldn’t believe how quickly things were progressing. And to my surprise, the PTA that was transferred to my location two weeks prior was at the center of it. Apparently, he was transferred to me as a legal strategy when he was accused of sexual harassment by one of the interns at the Orange County location.
Naturally, I was livid and asked how ethical was it to put other staff at risk of the same harassment Wayne Tanner was being accused of. Thompson did his best to explain that the procedure was standard and other tactics were being considered to protect all parties involved. We spoke extensively about the situation and it added to the mountain of stress that had pressured the levy in my world.
When I peered up to check the time, I noticed it was well after two in the afternoon and I was starved.
“Thompson, I’m sorry to be rude…”
“Shit. I didn’t realize how much time had passed. I hope I didn’t keep you from seeing patients.”
“No. Not at all. It’s just that I’m hungry. I’ve been moving so much over the past few days that I’ve been neglectful in nourishing my body.” I gave a sheepish smile. I could be so “valley”, something I’d often accused Michelle of.
“I can use a bite myself. Why don’t we go grab a late lunch? There’s a new spot at Marina Pacifica that I’d love to check out.”
I stilled at his invitation. It had always been a red zone for me. I never had to think about the answer, just how to formulate a no. Until today.
Thompson snorted, “It’s just lunch, Rayna. I’ll even let you pay if that’ll make you feel better.”
I exhaled into laughter. His proposal was actually attractive. “My stomach won’t allow me to say no. Let me clear it with Sharon and I’ll meet you outside.”