He stroked her cheek. His gaze was unsettling as he studied her. “What am I gonna do with you?” He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She fit so snugly under his chin. So safe held protected against his chest. If only she could have this sense of security all the time. Instead, the image of her dead husband tortured her mercilessly both day and night. It hurt her to know that her actions had been the reason Kirk committed suicide.
“Come on. I’ll take you home.” Max unlocked his Porsche with the remote, and opened the passenger door for her. It was with intense relief that she slid inside. All she wanted was to feel happy again. Was that too much to ask? Ella wondered if that day would ever come. Maybe she’d had her chance of happiness with Kirk. Perhaps that one bite of the cherry was all she would get out of life. It hadn’t worked out for them on so many levels. Yet they’d begun married life with such high hopes. However, true love was very fleeting.
Max didn’t speak again until he’d maneuvered the car from the parking lot and onto the highway. “So what were you doing going out with that prick Kevin McCreedy?”
Ella looked out her passenger window and whispered, “I don’t know why. I just didn’t want to be on my own, that’s all.” Christ, she was twenty-nine, but Max made her feel like a naughty schoolgirl.
She heard his deep sigh, and out the corner of her eye she saw him shake his head. Now she felt guilty again. He lifted her hand from her lap and squeezed it in his.
“Take my advice. Don’t mix with those people again. They won’t make you happy.”
“What’s it to do with you, Max? You’re not my keeper.”
“As of now I am. You’re clearly not thinking straight.”
He didn’t know what she was going through. He hadn’t had to face seeing her dead husband after he’d blown half his head away, had he? She wondered if she would ever get over that horrendous taunting image. The evening out was meant to take her mind off it. She shivered involuntarily. From the instant she’d met Kevin McCreedy, he’d scared her. Thank God Max had been there. “Okay, Max. You win. I know you’re right.” The look of relief on his face was plain to see. Despite him staying away for the last few months, she knew he cared for her. She guessed he’d been working through his grief, too.
Ten minutes later, he steered the Porsche onto her drive and stilled the engine. The real estate sign outside had been knocked over by a recent storm that had blown in from the west. She still had to call them to fix it. When it was sold she could be free of the bad memories once and for all. It was all so very different from when they’d first moved into the new development as newlyweds, some five years earlier. She’d been so excited. Little had she known then what would happen in the double garage. It still sent a chill right through to her core. She’d been too distressed to venture in there, since Kirk had committed suicide.
“I see you’re selling up.”
“I have to, Max. The life insurance company wouldn’t pay out on Kirk’s death once they found out it was suicide.”
“You only needed to ask if money’s the problem.”
Ella shook her head. “I know, and thank you, but I don’t want to live in this house anymore. It doesn’t feel like home. There are too many bad memories. I’ll be glad when it’s gone.” She smiled weakly. “Thanks for the ride home.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’ll see you safely inside.”
“There’s no need.”
“There’s every need.”
His eyes pierced into her. She knew Max wouldn’t take no for an answer. Besides, her nerves were frayed, and at least she wouldn’t have to be alone with her memories if he came in. She guessed he wanted to see how well she was coping. If he came in he’d understand exactly how she felt. She tried once more. “I’ll be fine. Really I will.” She knew her words sounded unconvincing.
No sooner had she finished speaking than he jumped from the car and walked around to open her door. “Like I said, I’ll see you inside.” He held out his hand, and helped her from the car.
“It’s a little untidy,” she explained, opening the front door, and leading the way inside. The TV was on, and the sound drifted through to the hallway. She always left it on these days. It made her feel less alone. As soon as she led the way into the living area she realized she’d let things slide. She felt ashamed of the half-eaten food that lay discarded on several plates around the room. Immediately, she began scooping them up and taking them into the kitchen area. “Would you like coffee, Max?”
“Ella, why don’t you come back to my place?”
“I’m all right, Max, honestly.”
She began running hot water into the sink, trying to ignore the way he was staring at her. If she kept herself busy, she wouldn’t have to admit she wasn’t coping.
“I’ve just had a few things on my mind, that’s all. I’ll get back to normal soon.” The dried-on food refused to budge as she scrubbed vigorously with the scourer. If she didn’t turn toward the kitchen table, then she wouldn’t see her dead husband. Just sitting there, with half his head missing. Her eyes felt wild and wide.