That’s one of the many fears you suffer while on a celibacy track: your man seeking release elsewhere. During the day, when all your good senses are employed, you can convince yourself of the unlikelihood of that. But during the night, when your body craves him considerably, and all you have is his lingering fragrance from his side of the bed, making your legs quiver, your mind easily capitulates to that fear.
“I was working toward my fifth mile on the elliptical when your call came through,” I can hear the veiled defensiveness in his tone. “Is everything okay? It has to be almost four over there.”
Okay, now I hear alarm. And feel guilt, you insecure girl, you!
I wet my dry lips as I squeeze my eyes in disgrace.
“Yeah…everything’s fine,” I answer sheepishly.
“Well, there has to be a reason you’re not soundly sleeping at this hour.”
“I was awakened by a reminder.”
“Reminder? What’s that?”
“It’s when you’ve forgotten a huge detail for likely the biggest day of your life,” I provide.
After a few moments of contemplation, Azmir mutters, “My wedding ring? I told you I was good with the two-toned set you sent me a picture of a couple of weeks ago, and that I’d take care of it.”
“No. No, I know. Not that.”
“Then what?” he’s losing patience.
“My gown,” I exhale. “Azmir, I don’t have a gown.” Speaking it sounds sillier than thinking it. I can’t believe I’ve forgotten, demonstrating my non-girlie existence. He’s probably going to see it as evidence of me not being 100% committed to the idea of marrying him.
“Do you have something in mind?”
Of course not. “No. I don’t even know where to begin,” I sulk aloud.
“I’ll send you the number to the wedding planner, Tessie Bell in West Hollywood. She should be able to provide you a few references.”
I exhale again. Azmir is always there to save the day. I could kiss him right now if he were here. Or drop to my knees and worship him with my mouth, something I daydream about…daily.
God, I miss this man!
Suddenly, I hear noises in the background.
“Who are those people?” I hear bursts of laughter, and someone sounding like they’re firing off orders.
“Other patrons of the gym. I just told you I was on the elliptical. They don’t have this type of equipment in the rooms at this hotel,” he informs sardonically.
I sigh loudly at my ridiculous implication. “Yeah…you did.” I’m stuck. From here there’s no comeback or a turnaround. My insecurities have reared. Celibacy is hard.
“Hey,” he calls out.
“Yeah?” I shriek, knowing that quickly he’ll change the course of this conversation.
“When I get home, let’s go out. Somewhere nice.”
“O-okay,” my voice is trying to settle itself. “That sounds great.”
I miss him so much. I know him so well, I understand in this moment he’s considering just how much he misses me. I know Azmir well enough to know that he’ll never fully articulate it. He isn’t a man of many mushy words. They only pour when I’m way out in left field and he desperately needs to center me. I guess I’m not as bad as I thought this time.
“Call me later?”
“Yes. Of course,” I promise.
“Indeed.” And I know that’s it.
That’s the end of this conversation.
Chapter 10
Azmir
“So, how soon are you trying to make this transition?” I ask.
“I don’t know, Divine,” Michael answers before chucking a forkful into his mouth. He chews as he considers his words. “I was thinking I’d use your advice from tonight to decide that. I mean, the money is there and there are a few developers knocking, so I guess that call needs to be made now.”
“Well, let me know if I can be of further assistance. I have a few people that I can link you with to make sure you maximize each endeavor,” I offer.
We’re staying here, at the Four Seasons in Boston where I’m doing my last leg of the Mauve campaign until after my wedding. I made sure to include a friend of mine, Michael Brooks, while in town. He’s a record executive, based out of New York, and in town himself. He’s been trying to get up with me for a few months, so I invited him and his wife, Sherina, to dinner. Michael wants to start to engage in varied investments to expand his portfolio. I’ve been pretty successful over the years and he’s appreciated what I’ve been able to accomplish.
Earlier, I’d seen Dawn and Shayna, who are on this particular promo leg with me, en route to the restaurant. They were looking for a place to eat and asked about my plans. Since it isn’t exactly a business, I invited them. We’ve had three events in this vicinity alone in a four-day period. It’s been monumental.
“Yeah, and when you need public relations services, look no further,” Dawn advises then licks her top lip, making it a seductive pitch. Her lips are a glossy red, unusual for her.