It’s our last night there and I’m returning from the balcony off the bedroom of our suite. As I approach a resting Rayna, laid in the bed, naked beneath the comforter, I notice she looks a little pale. We’ve just made love minutes ago, before I went out and now that I’m returning, I see her caramel skin isn’t producing its natural honey glaze, especially after having made love. Her eyes look glassy and her body doesn’t possess the usual feminine poise.
“You okay, little girl?” I go to touch her head, not knowing what the fuck I’m searching for, just believing it’s the right thing to do. And quite honestly, it’s disconcerting.
“Mmmmm…” she sighs and applies a soft smile, but I don’t know if she’s simply quelling what she can pick up as my start to a worrying state.
“That’s not an answer, Mrs. Jacobs,” I push.
“I guess I’m a little tired. We’ve had a long day and just topped it off with a happy ending,” she smirks.
“You sure? I’ve seen you tired before—hell—I’ve even worn you out past exhaustion a time or two, but you’ve never looked this fragile.”
Rayna giggles, causing my stomach to flutter at her delight. I look at her and all of my stressors are suspended, my worries take residence in the recesses of my mind. I love her so much and still can’t believe she’s taken me up on my offer of spending the rest of her life with me. How the fuck did I pull this off?
“Either that or I’ve caught Erin’s little bug,” she murmurs. “I tried seeing her before we left, and when I spoke to her, she sounded off. Brenda answered my call and said Erin apparently caught a cold that was going around her school.”
“Oh,” I consider. “I wondered why you didn’t do dinner with her on Thursday.”
Amber still hasn’t come around to Rayna being back in Erin’s life. Gracefully her partner, Brenda, has. Brenda acts as the mediator for the two. It’s fucked up of Amber, but at least she knows she can’t continue with her control games.
“I’m gonna order room service,” I say as I get up to grab the menu. “You want something?”
I don’t hear anything right away and figure Rayna’s pondering her answer. Then she mutters, “Not really…maybe a brothy soup? I’m not really hungry.”
“Yeah, you’re coming down with something all right, Jacobs,” I snort while spying the menu. “You never turn down food after smashing.” I turn to find her subdued smile. Poor thing is fading.
I don’t particularly have a taste for anything. I’m just hungry. We had an early dinner, trying out a restaurant at the Pier that Rayna was eager about, but that was so many hours ago. I notice during my search the hotel doesn’t have the lengthiest dinner selections.
“You know what my biggest fear is?” Rayna asks from behind me. Her voice is soft and almost unrecognizable.
“No idea,” I murmur as I walk back towards the bed, still studying the menu. After deciding a steak for me and chicken noodle soup for Rayna, I return my attention to her.
With the most austere regard she softly says, “Not being able to be whatever you need me to be whenever you need it.” She swallows. “I have this fear of waking up from all of this,” she gestures the space between the two of us.
I chuckle as I lay the menu on the nightstand. It’s more out of nervousness than anything else.
“Hey,” she nips my arm between her thumb and index finger. “That’s not fair. I’m pouring out secrets here. What’s so funny?”
I try to never leave Rayna out there emotionally, particularly when she’s revealing her core. She’s getting better and I make it my business to facilitate that.
“No humor, just irony,” I say as I gaze into her sleepy eyes. I’m not sure if her drowsiness is causing delusion or there has truly been a turning of the corner in our relationship, but since we’ve become one, we talk far more frequently and share almost as much. “My biggest fear is that one day you’ll wake up and realize I’m not this all-knowing, larger-than-life...formidable entity of a man. That I’m just a jack of all trades; master of none. A mere man behind the smokescreen, trying to hold on to a piece of joy...that is you.”
Damn, that felt good to release. I’m not prepared to spill my guts right now, but I’m able to share that with ease. My faith in her sustainability is gradually returning.
“I need you, Rayna. I need you to know that I’m working hard at making you feel secure, here with me. There is no other woman for me, nor has there been since you entered my boardroom. My soul rests with you.”
She gasps, and I can see the tears threatening to spill. I don’t want her crying, that’s not what this moment is about. Happy or not, I don’t relish seeing my lady cry. I hold my breath.
“Well, aren’t we the needy pair?” Our eyes lock for a beat before we fall into laughter.