When I arrive just feet away, in the driveway, Amber notices me just as she’s opening the back door directly behind the driver’s seat. Her mouth drops slightly and I use the tip of my tongue to wet my lips. I’m sure my expression mirrors hers, but for different reasons.
Being jarred by my presence, she doesn’t notice right away when the little head full of sandy blonde curls comes bouncing out of the car. When the little person turns to me, my breath catches at the sharpness of her brilliant hazel eyes. The eyes that widen in wonderment at recognizing me.
“Auntie Na-Na!” She jumps in place and begins running in my direction.
Erin.
I bite back a cry. I won’t cry today. Not here. I told myself it would be counterproductive.
She’s slightly taller than I’d last seen, not too much. But what’s clear is the baby fat in her face has ebbed a little. She’s growing into a school-aged doll. Features stolen from her mother that I can easily recognize, and some not so familiar that I can assume are from her father, were sharper. Her voice is the same, but her words are spoken with more clarity. My little girl is becoming a big girl.
I fall on my haunches and we embrace for what feels like hours, but in reality it is just for seconds. Her hair smells of strawberries, her favorite fruit.
I pull back so that I can get wrapped up in those hazel irises again, she murmurs, “I thought you forgot all about me.”
My brows rise and trying to measure my reaction, I allow my smile to expand with it. Rushing out on a breath, I answer, “Never. Auntie will never forget her favorite little girl.”
I notice in my peripheral, Amber making her way towards us as Erin retorts, “Well, where you been? I was missing you.”
It takes every fiber of my being to not break down. I keep reminding myself that crying would only scare and confuse Erin. She’d never understand. I give a cursory glance towards Amber, who wears a discerning scowl.
“Honey, Auntie’s moved. I don’t live by the beach anymore. And now that you’ve moved, too, it’s hard to see you like I used to. But I miss you every day, ladybug. Every day.”
Erin’s eyes light up at that name. It was what Michelle would call her.
Michelle.
Ughhhh! Next thought, brain!
“I had a birthday!” she gleams.
A birthday that I had all planned out, but never saw to fruition. It felt like yesterday when I’d taken Michelle out for a spin in the new car Azmir had just given me—or let me “borrow”—and detailed the vision of a ballerina’s ball party that I’d thought up. When I could get her to focus more on the specs of the party rather than the features of the Benz, she excitedly approved. I wish I could go back to that very day and say so much that I’d deferred to time. Like making sure she’d made it known that I would be a part of Erin’s life upon Michelle’s departure from this side.
“I know. And that’s why Auntie’s here.” I pivot to find the large gift bag. I then move it towards her. “I have a few things for you. I think you’ll find them cool. At least I hope you do.”
“Ooooh! I will! Promise!” she assures as she goes for the bag. It’s almost as tall as she stands and far wider.
“Don’t forget your book bag, Erin,” Amber softly chides as she hands it to her.
I take the double shoulder strap bag and appropriately place it onto her little shoulders so that her hands are free to handle the gift bag. Just then, I see the front door open and a brunette woman with a bob cut, warmly calls for Erin.
Erin yells to the woman that she’ll be right there then turns to me solemnly and mumbles, “If I eat all my veggies and make my bed the right way would you come back, Auntie Na-Na?”
I choke out, “Baby, I’d love to see you no matter what you do or don’t. I love you, Lil E.”
Her face lights up one thousand kilowatts, which tells me that I’m not getting choked up too much.
“Thanks! See you later.” She hugs me tightly. My eyes flutter during the embrace.
Cue Regina Belle’s “If I Could.”
Amber and I watch as Erin tows the oversized gift bag behind her, up the driveway and into the house with gingered efforts.
Before I break my doting gaze, Amber turns to face me again. Her honey blonde hair draping her shoulders. “So, it’s true,” she tilts her chin, gesturing towards the Bentley.
I pivot to follow her line of sight, then turn back towards her. “What?”
“You have a Sugar Daddy,” she replies noncommittally.
That quickly, I am offended. So soon has she come from her corner swinging.
“Look, Amber. I didn’t come here to—”
“You didn’t have to come. You were not invited.”
“How long are you going to play this game? I’m only asking for one weekend a month. More if you need me. I just want to help.”