“Look at me, honey.” She spoke so gently pulling my face toward her with her cold and frail hands. “You are worth it,” Michelle said as I looked at her as though she had two heads. I didn’t understand what she meant or where she was going with that statement.
“Rayna, you’re worth happiness and it comes in many forms but for a young, successful, beautiful, intelligent, and sexy woman like you finding love is one. Now, I know you’ve been through a lot with folks betraying your trust starting with your dad then your mom, men and others lying to you or deserting you. Love has been lost upon you for so long. But no matter how many times unconditional love misses you—you deserve to give it another try. You’ll find it if you believe.” Michelle looked deep into my eyes pleading with my subconscious. It was a lot to take on considering I had to be ready within minutes, but I knew Michelle had tried to get me to open up to others for years. It was a huge feat for me.
“There are still good people out there, some of whom you will encounter. Instead of you dismissing them from the jump you need to give love a try. I’m not the only person on earth that will love you and have your back. You need to know that you are worthy of loved-ones. You don’t have to be someone else, expect it to happen to someone else other than you, look for fault in everyone, or wait for everyone who enters your life to screw up. And you damn sure don’t have to feel that unconditional love isn’t meant for you because you’re deficient in some way. You alone are enough,” Michelle continued looking me dead in the eyes. I started to tear up.
As painful as the thought of her request was I trusted her that much to consider it. I didn’t want a miracle from Azmir, just honesty and a good time. I didn’t want much from anyone. As long as I had my space, I was good. I had no expectations of anyone; I didn’t need anyone. Sure, I’d experienced bouts with loneliness and there were days that I longed for a cure to help with the pain of not being able to trust, but I’d gotten this far without much. Michelle was all I needed and Erin was a bonus. As self-deprecating as that may be, it was my reality and I was fine with it. Love had definitely been lost.
“If you ruin that fierce make-up I’m going to choke you! Hurry and get a Kleenex!” Michelle trilled. I fetched tissue and returned to her side.
She didn’t look me in my face when she said, “Rayna, I may not be around soon. I don’t mean to speak melancholy before your date but I need you to know that I wouldn’t rest peacefully if I left you in the state that you’re in.” My neck snapped toward her and her regretful gaze rose to meet my glare. She was right; I didn’t like hearing her speak of her absence in my life in any form.
“What I mean is, Rayna, you need to love someone else besides Erin and me. We’re practically your only family. You need to establish more…or your own even. Give this Azmir a chance and possibly have some babies. Start your own legacy. If not with him then someone else but don’t give up on love. I’m not just talking about romantic love but unconditional love. Keep this in the back of your mind while you’re talking with him tonight. Hell, get some ass why don’t ya!” We snickered at that request. With that remark, she showed some semblance of the friend that I was much more familiar with rather than the one who spoke of doom.
“Okay, Michelle. I understand.” I sighed and then hugged her before running in the bathroom to touch-up my makeup. I didn’t want to say anything more. I always considered Michelle’s pearls of wisdom, no matter how uncomfortable the advice.
“Are you sure you’re going to be up to going to Azmir’s birthday party in June?” I called out to her in the living room trying to change the subject.