After a long shower, I was overcome with guilt and disappointment in myself. Stenton and I could never pace ourselves. Yeah, it took us months to sleep with each other, but that’s only because we didn’t see each other until I could take it no more. The thing I can’t get out of my head is Stenton’s vulnerability that night in my arms. It was like he reveled there. His breathing was erratic and touch desperate, but not in an aggressive manner. The emotions behind his caress were needy. It scared me that night, very similar to my first orgasm with him. I understood something good and powerful was pending, but wasn’t quite ready to collide with it. How long I’ll be able to hold out—from myself—I don’t know.
My phone goes off. I grab it from my clutch back at my seat. It’s one of the managers from the second Ni?a’s Sweet Cakes location in Philly following up with a report on his mother who’s been hospitalized. He can’t make his opening shift in the morning. The place is being inspected at ten and a manager needs to be there. I let go of a long breath after excusing him. It was enough that I had to work late tonight, but now I have to prepare myself mentally to be there in the morning. I was really looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow since Jordan will be leaving for camp from Stenton’s.
When I glance up, I find a skipping Jordan and my dad coming back into the room.
“Perfect timing. I have to get to work,” I announce to the room.
“Now?” my dad questions.
“Yeah. I hope not to run into traffic because that’ll definitely make me late.”
I glance over at Stenton. Mid-sentence with Ruth, he nods.
“What fun is there in running your own business if you still have to beat the clock?” My dad pouts.
“The boss has parameters, too,” I murmur as I hug Jordan.
When I make my way over to Stenton, I ask if he will walk me out. He stands immediately and I yell my goodbyes to my family before heading out the door. When we arrive at my car, I turn to Stenton, wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest. He smells like virile heaven. I find myself taking long breaths as his big hands rest at the small of my back.
“This is why I can’t be too close to you,” I whisper, it’s all I have in me.
“Why?” Stenton sounds concerned.
“Because I lose myself in your scent and warmth and hardness and—”
“And then I get hard.”
I giggle and he joins me with an unguarded chuckle. When I peer up, I see Stenton is no longer smiling. That wipes mine away. He lowers his neck just a bit and I think he’s going to kiss me with those full heart-shaped lips. He doesn’t. He simply studies each inch of my face with fastened discernment. He angles his head to the side and Stenton’s eyes squint with adoration for what he sees. His hand comes up and with his thumb, he traces my eyebrow then his calloused pad drags down to my nose to swipe the tip—all of this while his eyes bounce in wonderment of what he sees. When his thumb descends down to my mouth, he traces the lining of it gently, similar to the maneuver Jacques executed years ago. This feels different, though. This feels like affection. It feels like protection from proprietorship. I feel a mutual connection. I feel loved by this man.
“I’m being childish with this pacing stuff.” I avert my eyes in shame.
“Nah,” his deep vocals hum. “It’s cool, Zo. I’ll wait as long as you need.”
I grimace. “Are you sure?”
“Are you mine?” he quickly tosses back.
I grab his left hand and point out my initial on his ring finger. “If you need to add my middle and last initials to make the declaration, we can arrange for it on my day off next week.”
A slow smile opens up on his handsome face, and his smile releases the weights in my chest. Stenton then presses his warm and soft lips on my forehead.
“You gotta get outta here, kiddo.”
I nod. “Call you later…before JR goes down?”
“You can call JR before JR goes down. You can FaceTime me after JR goes down.” His lips twitch into a mischievous grin. I can’t help my ear-splitting grin as I turn to get into the car.