“Sounds like all good reasons to go for it.”
She shakes her head, her eyes somewhere in the table before taking another sip. “It is. It’s just… It’s just that taking that on would stretch me beyond capacity. It’s not all that I want. And I can’t have that and what I’ve wanted more than anything else for the past three years.”
“And what’s that?”
“A baby.” Her eyes finally land on me.
Fuck…
“I’m not trying to drop a bomb on you or anything…”
“No. I didn’t believe you were.”
I just can’t give it to you that easily.
Shit!
Now is not the time to uncover the final part of my “original plan.”
“Good. But I’m debating this next venture because I’ve finally come to the conclusion that women can’t really have it all—at least not at my age, we can’t. We’re just not genetically programmed to be able to take it all on. If I want to be a mother, that has to be my priority. There is no better investment in life than that which you put into your children. I’ve been extremely fortunate to have a balanced child in Jordan, and you’ve assisted in that. It’s been a miracle, but he’s survived me finishing my undergrad, my graduate tenure, and me opening three bakeries.” Her eyes connect with mine. “I can’t do this fourth bakery with a newborn.” There’s a pause. A long pause. “I’d have to do one now and pursue the other in a couple of years.” She flickers her brows and jerks her neck at the same time before sipping from her glass.
“If you had to choose, which do you want more?”
After a deep breath she mutters, “Before getting another opportunity with you, I would have chosen the bakery, not wanting multiple fathers for my children. Beyond that, not trusting another man to parent with…not wanting to experience that passage with anyone but you. Now that you’re back… Well, you know.” Her eyes flutter with insecurity.
I nod. “I’ll support you any way I can. It’s your choice.”
Then Zoey lets go of a shaky breath that has her frame shuddering. I can’t believe she’s held on to this weighty decision. I also see that she’s crossed a new bridge of wisdom in terms of her pseudo-feminist mentality. I don’t know if women can have it all, but I do know I’ll do whatever this woman sitting across from me needs to pursue it. My love for her won’t let my support for her abate. In my eyes, Zoey can have it all.
We enjoy dinner as we continue our conversation. When I drop her off at her door, Zoey reaches up, grabs my one shoulder, inviting me down to meet her (Damn, I’ve missed this!), and she bestows a lingering peck on my lips. I swear when the door closes behind her; I want to fall to my knees to beg her to let me in. But I don’t. Zoey wants to play this game of no sex. I’ll go along with it until she changes her mind and realizes our chemistry is too powerful to control.
Whenever the fuck that will be.
~~~~~~~~~~
~Zoey~
Three days after our first date, I receive a text from Stenton.
Stenton: Hey
Me: Hey yourself. How was training today?
Stenton: It busted my ass. I’m glad to be done.
Me: Aging sucks.
Stenton: I can tell you who doesn’t.
Me: Easy StentRo. I’m just looking out for your health. Don’t want to be the cause of your heart attack in your advanced age.
Stenton: What the fuck ever Zo. I wanted to tell you that I’d like to take you out this Friday. The only problem is I have my son. I’m sure he’ll be cool with meeting you. Do you mind if it’s a threesome?
Me: I don’t usually date men with children. I made a concession with you.
Stenton: I swear he’s cute as fuck. Looks just like his momma. He’s polite, mannerable and will impress you with his intelligence.
Me: Ughhhhh! I guess. If you weren’t so sexy and I wasn’t trying to get into your pants, it would be a no go.
Stenton: We can skip the date and I’ll throw you my pants for the taking.
Me: STENT! YOU’RE DISRUPTING THE ROLE PLAY HAPPENING HERE.