So, I was here. With Bernard. And his church friends from Tampa, who were in Philly for a convention, engaging in judgment and ignorance. Not only did the topic go against the good food, but the thoughts of who was paying for this meal had been concerning me as well. I knew Bernard asked Reverend King and his wife out, naming him as the responsible party to pay. The problem was Bernard always cried broke. He’d even come up short while we’d been out with a group of friends, forcing me to pay the tab, not wanting to embarrass myself. He’d paid me back, but it still wasn’t right. Tonight would push me over the edge, considering the conversation flow.
The topic of oral sex surfaced when a modestly known married pastor was caught on tape receiving oral from a missionary of his flock. That topic of infidelity and being caught on tape turned into how it applies to marriage. Reverend King’s poor wife sat next to him, appearing detached and subdued. I didn’t understand how such a reserved person could be married to one with such a boisterous personality like her husband’s.
“And all of this from a married man of God,” Bernard repeated, thankfully bringing the conversation back into real moral context.
I reached for my glass of unsweetened ice tea, wishing it was fermented grapes instead and asserted, “Well, perhaps if his wife was exploring things outside of missionary, he wouldn’t have been exploring with the missionary.”
I felt Bernard’s eyes pop out like daggers next to me. I ignored them. I tried to play the quiet, non-heard, yet seen role.
“Well, see, that’s where I’d have to disagree with you at, Sister Barrett,” King straightened in his chair. “People love to pinpoint the cause of the lack of morality on what their partner isn’t willing to do in the bedroom. No. People cheat because of the flesh. People cheat because they want to cheat.”
“And I do agree that cheating is a personal choice, Reverend King, but I also believe married individuals have a responsibility to their mates to explore things outside of their traditional bounds. This institution of marriage was intended to be long term, until death. During which period, there will be transitions and evolution of those individuals. What satisfied or pleased them when they exchanged vows won’t exactly be what holds their attention five to ten years later. People change and so do their desires and tastes. Married couples should keep their minds open to sexual evolution, so long as it excludes other individuals and animals. I believe God wanted to set those boundaries during creation, which is what the Bible references in Hebrews 13. What a man and his wife do behind closed doors is well within bounds, so long as it includes no one else and they’re both willing participants.”
King sat back visibly challenged and unhappy about it, and breathed, “Hmmmm…”
I could have stopped there, but why? I’d already put myself out there and his wife certainly wouldn’t have my back in the name of womanhood. So, I continued.
“Oh, yeah. And the term bed was an archaic reference because that was a common place for the act of sex, but please believe it wasn’t the only place it was implemented, neither should contemporary couples limit their activities to it. God knew the potency of pleasure he endowed on His people. He did not intend for it to be restrained to one position or method in one place. It is for recreation—secondary to procreation, no doubt, but for pleasure nonetheless.
“Sweets, you put so little emphasis on procreation, the original intent,” Bernard scoffed, trying to buffer my apparent blow.
“That is not my intent at all. I’m simply trying to explain that during sex, the man is not the primary receiver of pleasure. God did not intend for him to exclusively enjoy it. Sex is for procreation and mutual pleasure.”
“But primarily for procreation,” King pushed me to acknowledge.
I jerked my neck at his audacity, but quickly calmed myself.
“Let’s put it like this. If sex was primarily for procreation, why do male orgasms have physical appeal? Why do your orgasms feel not just euphoric, but are so powerful they are accompanied but a psychological response as well?”
I glanced at both men at the table. They were equally puzzled.
“Because He intended for you to experience pleasure, not only when you make a baby, but every time you indulge. You receive unmeasured bliss.”