I had to do something to occupy my frustration, so I picked up a Sister2Sister magazine and thumbed through the featured articles. The distraction must have helped because I was shocked when I felt Stenton’s hand reach for mine from across the table. I lowered the magazine and found his gaze.
His expression was pained and apologetic at the same time. It further confused me. He slowly licked those full, heart-shaped lips before speaking.
“Zo,” he pushed out hoarsely. “I enjoyed being with you this week.”
I felt myself grimace. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“No!” He shook his head. “But that’s what I was getting at.”
All I could do was stare blankly at him, awaiting something of substance.
“Where do you see this thing going between us?”
“The more you speak, the more you sound like you’re ending things.” I placed the magazine on the table, giving him my full attention.
He scoffed. “Why the hell do you keep bringing that up?”
“Okay.” I jerked my chin. “Speak.”
He inclined in his seat, keeping his voice low. “I don’t know how to label us. I don’t want to fuck this thing up. We started off as great friends and then we…fucked and now…we fuck. I don’t know how to label this thing, and I want us to both be aware and comfortable with who we are.”
I didn’t understand what Stenton was trying to say, but I caught on to his earnest attempt at trying to come to a peaceable agreement about us. I thought.
“Are you afraid that I’ll be asking you to be my boyfriend, Stenton?” I questioned with a leveling glare that was meant to humor him—or insult.
He chuckled half-heartedly, but fought to get back on track. “Zo, my schedule is crazy. I just finished up the season exactly a week ago and already I’m headed out of the country to do promos. Then I turn around and head straight to L.A. to shoot a commercial for McDonald’s. My fucking life isn’t mine, and you’re not the type to put your life on hold and wait until I get off yet another plane from my latest business obligation. I don’t want to give you some half ass shit.”
It was my turn to sit up in my seat. “Stenton, if you want to continue to be…friends, that’s fine with me. I won’t demand anything but your friendship. Everything else is…great, but that’s what I want more than anything.”
After staring at me long and hard, deciphering I didn’t know what, he sat back in his chair, going back to window watching. The man was maddening. I’d hoped I calmed any troubles he was experiencing about my expectations of this thing. I lied about only wanting his friendship; I wanted all of Stenton, but I didn’t know if that was too large an order for the both of us at that point.
Covered in his hood, Stenton walked me to the door of my dorm building. He appeared very much dejected. When I turned to him, I tried supplying a smile to buffer his anxiousness. I lifted my left hand to caress the side of his face. The prickles from his fine stubble hairs against the pads of my fingers gave some degree of soothing for me. I wished it brought him the same comfort. I studied his troubled eyes.
“Stent—” I attempted.
“Don’t go falling in love with anybody, Ni?a.” His strained voice pulled at something deep within. “Don’t give your heart away to another man.”
I swallowed hard, fighting back my tears. Feeling pain from the size of the cry burning the back of my throat. The smarting sensation tumbling down to the pit of my belly, all because I fought to keep the tears within. Stenton didn’t deserve to see how much he affected me. He was breaking away from me. Disconnecting.
“I can’t give away something that was stolen long before I recognized it was gone, or how valuable it was.” My gaze directly into his weary eyes was sharp.