I was a little nervous…doubtful, and not about my decision, only about her reaction. I extended my left hand and showed her the wide band of black ink on my ring finger, resembling a wedding band. At the top of my finger was the letter E, her first initial.
Her eyes slowly traveled up to meet mine. “Elizabeth?” she asked on a shaky breath.
My stomach started toiling. Shit! She’s going to think I’m a freak.
“Eternity,” I murmured as I nodded cautiously, because it truly amended her answer. I wanted Elizabeth for an eternity and had thought of a way to have it.
She didn’t speak for a while, didn’t move. I saw tears brimming at her eyes. They turned pink. I was not prepared to make this girl cry. I didn’t think I could handle that shit. Just when I was about to say something to curb my insane decision, she spoke.
“Stent,” she quickly scraped her top lip between her teeth as she glanced away. Then her beautiful brown irises returned to me. She whispered, “I-I don’t have desires for marriage or…well, I’ve never desired to get into a committed relationship so young. There are so many things I need to do before I can settle into a life that requires me to give my all to a man. I’m sure I will…but just when I’ve served my purpose in life and then can commit to him. With you…” She looked beyond me again. “You’re… I don’t know.” Zoey shook her head.
My head and heart were about to explode. Why did I feel like she was telling me I didn’t do the shit to her heart that she did to mine? Like I didn’t affect her life the way she ruled my universe? How would I respond to this young girl—who I’d involuntarily fallen in love with—telling me that I didn’t do it for her?
Zoey extended her hand…her left hand and although it trembled, I could see the delicate line curving around her ring finger and when she turned her hand over I saw the cursive script of the letters SR, vertically, spanning from her palm line to the first knuckle line.
I looked at her and saw that her eyes were trained to the floor, lids fluttering. I pulled her into a deep embrace and kissed her forehead adoringly. She quickly wrapped her arms around my waist. I then saw Zoey’s artist behind her smiling, understanding my approval. We got our new ink wrapped up and left for the house where we consummated our joint tattooing experience; her first and my best.
The next morning, I woke and reached for Zoey in an empty side of the bed. My mouth was dry and head stiff. I brushed my face with my hands, trying to shake off the heaviness from last night. It wasn’t the alcohol that caused churning in my stomach. It was the crazy shit I did that I couldn’t take back. The crazy shit I did well after getting an impromptu tattoo. Suddenly recalling the tattoo experience, I got up to search for her. I’d hoped that wasn’t a drunken decision that she awakened to.
I noticed the patio door was open. When I stepped into the door frame, I saw Zoey sitting on the step leading to the pool with a sheet hanging loosely from her delicious body, displaying her feminine curves. Zoey looked picture perfect. I caught her as she studied the subtle ink on her ring finger. My stomach turned again. I would hate myself if she regretted that decision, that notion. But before I could get nauseous from feeling disgusted with myself, Zoey lifted her hand to her face and kissed the inside of her palm where my initials were inscribed. Her shoulders lifted as she did and she sighed, seemingly satisfied. My Ni?a. I felt a relieving sensation run through me, but it couldn’t rival the guilt still coursing my veins.
What the fuck did I do? I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“You have any regrets?” I asked, my voice raspy.
Zoey turned her head in the direction of my voice, but not completely to look at me. There was a small pause before she shook her head.