Adwen gestured down the stairs to the portal. “I know we need to go soon, but allow me to ask ye something first. Why did ye come for me, Jane? I heard yer speech when ye said ye dinna think I’d want ye past this eve. Is that what ye want from me? Did ye come to me just out of need?”
I squeezed his hand to reassure him, surprised that he thought me, or any woman for that matter, capable of approaching sex in such an emotionless way. “No. I told you. I do want more, but are you capable of giving it?”
He didn’t answer right away, and I appreciated his reflection. It showed a genuine desire to answer me truthfully. I’d held many different opinions of Adwen over the short amount of time I’d known him, but even when I thought the worst of him, I never believed him to be a dishonest man.
“I doona know, Jane. If ‘more’ means a vow, I could give ye that and keep it until the day I die. I could vow to never stray nor mistreat ye, to protect and care for ye along with any children that we might bear.”
I swallowed hard, a sharp pain of regret and guilt shooting through my abdomen at his mention of children. I’d not yet told him—I’d never thought to. I’d never been close enough, never allowed myself to get close enough to any man for it to be of any real concern. While I knew we weren’t there yet, Adwen’s mere suggestion told me what he felt for me and I for him was different than anything I’d experienced before. Adwen continued to speak, and I pushed the painful thought away.
“I could vow all those things, Jane, but I willna do so until I know that I can vow to give ye all of my heart, as well. And I doona know if I’ve room in me heart to give ye or any other. My heart has always been too filled with selfishness, arrogance, and pride to allow room for another. If any lass has the power to rid those things from me heart, ’tis ye, for since I’ve met ye, I’ve an awful yet pleasing ache in me chest. I canna know if I’m a man worthy of yer love or if I even know the meaning of the word, but I’d like to try, Jane. Allow me that, at least.”
I stood, pulling on his hand so that he would join me. “Adwen, that’s all that either of us can ask of the other—an opportunity for each of us to see if we can become the best version of ourselves with the help of the other. Now, kiss me, and let’s go join Cooper and Orick. They’ve waited long enough.”
He smiled and bent to touch his lips to mine. His kiss was gentle, his gaze kind as I looked into his eyes. Adwen thought himself a man incapable of caring for those around him, but everything he did told a different story. His care for Isobel, his worry over Cooper, and his loyalty toward Orick—they all negated the thing he feared most about himself.
Adwen’s heart was filled with love. Perhaps, all he needed was someone to reciprocate his love for him to remember what it truly was. I’d never say it, not so soon, not out loud, but as we marched toward the portal, hand in hand, my last conscious thought was that I was halfway there myself.
CHAPTER 28
Cagair Castle – Present Day
I decided immediately after regaining consciousness in the twenty-first century that I was a much bigger fan of whatever witch or magical being created this portal than I was of Morna.
It was all rather painless, with no sign of the vomit-inducing headache that plagued me the first time I travelled through.
I could see nothing in the black stairwell, but Orick’s voice reached me first in the darkness.
“Where in the name of every holy saint have the two of ye been?”
Cooper gave me no chance to answer him, squeezing the air out of me as his arms wrapped around my waist before grabbing onto my hand as he helped me feel my way up the stairwell. Adwen stumbled along behind me as Cooper spoke.
“Orick’s been pretty grumpy—only because he’s just so excited to see everything that he can’t stand it.”
Orick grumbled near the top of the stairs, cracking the doorway open so that moonlight flooded the stairs. “I am no that excitable, lad.”
“Don’t lie. You’ve been worse than me on Christmas morning—peeking your head out of the doorway every chance you get. You were worried at first, but as soon as you saw I was okay, you were ready to get out of here and start exploring.”
“I’ve been peeking, lad, to make certain we could get out of here without being seen once yer aunt and Adwen arrived.”
“Okay.” Cooper laughed, disbelieving. “Whatever you say, Orick.”
I walked to the top step and stood next to Orick, looking outside through the crack. “And…can we walk out unnoticed?”
“Aye, I believe so. No one has passed by since I arrived.”
“Great.” Cooper had followed me up the stairs, and I reached for his hand as I pushed the doorway completely open. “Coop, you and I are going to go have a little chat.”
He attempted to squirm away from me, seemingly astonished.
“But, Aunt Jane, we’ve got to get away from here first. You know we have to go to Morna’s, and it is hours from here.”