“Not me. I’m counting the days until I’m an adult.” Ryan sighs. I know things at home are getting worse for him. His dad has taken away just about any freedom he had. Surprisingly his cell phone has remained a secret, for which I’m thankful. I’m not sure what I’d do if we weren’t able to talk or text every day. I know I complain about not seeing him, but I’ll take whatever I can get.
“Tell me about your meeting.”
“It’s boring,” I whine.
“I don’t care if you sat in a smelly old chair covered in cat fur and had to write your name a hundred times, I want to talk to you and something’s on your mind. So I’m guessing it’s about your meeting.”
“When did my boyfriend become so smart?”
Ryan laughs. “It’s because I have this amazing girlfriend.”
I sigh and close my eyes and pray that what I’m about to tell Ryan won’t change anything between us. One thing’s for sure, I can’t tell him why I’m doing this.
CHAPTER 23
Ryan
We discussed emotions in health class today. Happy, sad, emptiness, longing, lust… they were all covered. Girls giggled, ooh’d and ahh’d and batted their eyelashes at some of the guys in the class. Most of the guys laughed when ‘lust’ was brought up, me included. These feelings I have for Hadley, now that I can start describing them, are increasing even though Dylan told me that they eventually go away and you just fall into a pattern of mundane reality, which apparently is where her parents are in their marriage.
I’m still fighting the urge to tell Dylan everything. After Homecoming our friendship seems stronger. As much as I wanted to back out and not take her, Hadley was adamant that I escort her for the night. She used words like honor and keeping my word as she yelled at me over the phone. This was just days after she yelled at me in the car. To say I was confused is an understatement.
I relented and took Dylan and we had a good time. I even danced a little, but only after Dylan threatened to expose my secret. I reminded her that no one would believe her and thought I had won the battle until she stated simply, “You’ll be the laughing stock of the school.” It only took me a moment to realize she was telling the truth and while her tactic may have seemed underhanded, when I told Hadley, she laughed.
When I started dating Hadley, I wanted her and Dylan to be friends. Now I’m not so sure. I can honestly say I’m not a fan of being ganged up on.
Dylan has changed back to the way she was before she found out about Hadley. I don’t know if it was something Hadley said, but for whatever reason she’s happy and wild again and I’ll take that Dylan any day.
I never thought I’d be that guy. You know, the one who waits around for his cell phone to ring, constantly checking it just in case he didn’t hear it. It’s a girl thing. They are always looking and now so am I. I knew that dating Hadley would bring obstacles. I just didn’t expect it to be like this. I thought that once her tour was done, she’d have more time, a bit more freedom, but that isn’t the case. Her manager has kept her in Los Angeles and away from me for over a month. As pansy as it sounds to say it, I miss her.
I miss having her in my arms. I miss the smell of her hair. I miss the way she smiles when I kiss her or the way she plays with my hair when she’s thinking. I fear that we're going to lose what we had now that we’ve been apart, or worse, she’s going to meet someone else. Someone who can provide her with everything that she needs and wants and that she can be seen with in public. I know she wants that and I can’t offer her jack shit.
The feeling of dread – an emotion we learned today – washes over me when she answers the phone. The cheery tone she usually has when she answers is missing. I try to mask my alarm; I don’t want her to know I’m feeling this way because upsetting her is the last thing I want to do.
I want to know about her day. When I ask her, she plays it off as if it’s no big deal, but it is to me. My life is mundane and repetitive, always sticking to the same schedule, even where she’s concerned.
The silence is starting to scare me. Should I feel this way? Is she finally realizing the distance is more than she is willing to put up with? She doesn’t have to. I’m the one who needs to hold on to what little bit of her I can get.
“Hadley?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Something wrong?”
She sighs and now I know. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what she’s going to tell me. It’s not working. It’s the distance. You’re too young. Whatever the reasoning, I’ll have to take it like a man.
“Ian’s being unreasonable. He’s sending me back out on a promotional tour.”
“Okay.” I’m not sure how to respond. This doesn’t seem like such a bad thing. I know she’s tired, but she’s also a performer and this is her job. Believe me, I’d love to not work and get paid.
“You don’t understand.”
“What?” Vague Hadley is not my favorite.
“The tour is straight through until the end of the year.”
Through the end of the year.
My birthday.
A day that she promised she would spend with me no matter what and now she’ll be on tour.
“So no days off?”
“There’s more.”