“Come here, let me show you.”
I fall into Ryan’s arms. His hands don’t leave my hair, my neck, or my face. They never roam past my shoulders. This PG relationship is not what I had in mind when I thought about having a boyfriend, but I’ll take it. I’ll take whatever I can get with him.
Pulling away from him is torture. It’s like pulling two magnets away from each other. The pull is there and sometimes you aren’t strong enough to keep them from reattaching. That’s how I feel. He makes me want to be better, to write more, to smile at every little moment that happens to me, whether it’s a good thing or not.
I slip on a dress, one more appropriate for church, and stare at myself in the mirror. I’m twenty-two years old and in love with a boy. I mouth the words over and over again, I love him. I watch in fascination, as my face breaks out into the biggest grin I’ve seen in a long time. Nothing can even come close to what I’m feeling for Ryan and he’s about to introduce me to his mom. If he had told me this when we first met, I’d call bullshit.
Coming out of the bathroom, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s changed into slacks and a dress shirt. If I didn’t know better, I’d say we are an old couple following a daily routine. I like the idea of growing old with him.
He stands, taking the few steps that separate us. He pulls my hand into his. He’s happy – it’s written all over his face.
“I have a beautiful girlfriend.”
I shy away at him calling me beautiful. He doesn’t realize how much of a compliment that is. How much that word means to me. Sure, I hear that I’m hot or sexy, but never beautiful.
“Thank you.”
“I mean it.” He steps closer. I want to kiss him. Throw him back onto the bed and rip off his shirt. The desire to feel his skin against mine is there, testing my resolve.
“I know,” I say, nodding. “You make me feel beautiful.” He does. It’s in the way that he looks at me. The way that he holds my hand or caresses my face, his fingers stop against my skin.
A knock on the door causes him to step back; even though Alex knows he’s here and knows about us, he’s cautious. I can’t blame him, but would like him to feel at ease when we’re together like this. Alex isn’t going to tell anyone.
“Come in,” I holler. Ryan lets go of my hand. He turns away and stares out the window, stuffing his hands into his pockets when Alex walks in.
“Your car is here.”
“Great, thank you. Do you want to come with us?”
“To church?”
I nod.
“I’ll pass. I have a date with my American Express.” The thought of going shopping appeals to me, but this is important to Ryan. It’s important to me. I want his parents to like me and if his mom is offering an olive branch, I’m not going to turn my back.
Alex turns and leaves. I know she’s waiting for a heart-to-heart, the one where I tell her that I’ve fallen completely in love with him even though we’ve just met. If I believed in love at first sight, I’d say I had it for Ryan, but I don’t. Not after last time.
I walk over to Ryan and slide my arms through his. My head rests between his shoulder blades. He leans back, gently, adding just enough pressure to let me know he’s aware of me. My lips press to his cloth-covered back. He turns in my arms, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close.
“I hate thinking about leaving this room.”
“I know. I’ll have a house soon, not that it makes much difference, but we’ll have more freedom. We’d be able to go outside and walk around.”
“I can’t wait.”
Ryan smiles down on me, giving me a light kiss on my nose. “We need to go.”
I reluctantly let him go and we walk side by side out of my hotel room. Our arms brush lightly as we walk. I want to hold his hand, but with the security cameras, I can’t risk it. I hate feeling this way – hate it. It makes me feel as if I’m ashamed that he’s with me. Of all things, why does he have to be only seventeen?
When we reach the lobby, Ryan slips his jacket over his head. This is something we discussed and as much as I hate it, it’s for the best. I need to protect Ryan and this is the only way to do it. The last thing I need is for Ian to have to do damage control. He has already been leaving me angry voicemails and once he figures out I’m in Jackson, he’s going to become even more irate. Not that I can blame him. I did leave right after a show without any word to him.