I look back at Ryan and smile. He’s been watching me this whole time. “Coffee and cookies it is.”
Ryan smiles and starts looking around. He pulls me out of the pew, gripping my hand tightly. We walk in the opposite direction, away from the main door we came in. He brings us down a dark hall and into a small room. I follow in behind him; it’s dark, with only a tiny window at the top of the wall, near the ceiling, letting in a streak of light.
I turn at the sound of the door closing, at the same time Ryan is pulling me to him, knocking off my hat. His hand cups my face, his lips not hesitant like before, but daring. I weave my hand into his hair and gasp when I feel his tongue touch mine. He lets go of my hand, wrapping his arm around my waist. His grip is firm, bringing us closer to each other. His hand trails down my face, my neck, my shoulder and finally his fingertips brush along the side of my breast.
I pull him closer and shift our bodies, his leg between mine. When he moans I know he feels the same sensation that I do and that makes me stop and pull away from him. I’m thankful that the minimal light casts only shadows in this room, because I don’t want him to see the pained look on my face. And I definitely don’t want him to think I’m rejecting him, because I don’t want to, but I have to.
“You make me want to try things I’ve never thought about before.” His lips ghost on my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I want to pretend that I don’t know he’s only seventeen and give into his raging hormones. It’s like I’ve woken a sleeping giant and now that he’s alert, there’s no stopping him. I don’t want to imagine him looking at or even thinking about touching another woman, only me. I’m selfish in thinking that I’ll be enough for him, especially when all I can allow is kissing and even that is probably taking it too far. Standing here in this darkened room, with a horny sexy boy who makes my skin feel as if it’s being burned, all I can think about is showing him how good we can make each other feel.
I step back, putting distance between us. I sense his body go rigid, pained. He lets me take his hand when I reach for it, although I can feel his resistance.
“Have no doubt that I want this between us,” I whisper so prying ears beyond this door can’t hear what I’m about to tell him. “Have no doubt that I want to feel you pressed against me, to let you explore and learn what your touch does to me. As much as it pains me to not touch you and claim you publicly – to tell the world that I’ve found someone that I want to spend every conceivable moment with, even after two days – we have to be cautious and act as if we’re friends. Trust me, it’s killing me. People always say you know when you’ve found that one person and I know, without a doubt, you’re the one.
“We just have to be careful. There’s going to be a day when we can do this and not have to worry about the consequences.”
“I can’t help myself, Hadley. I look at you and I imagine things that I want to do and try with you. I’ve never had these types of thoughts about anyone until I met you, until you let me kiss you.” Ryan bridges the gap between us and kisses me forcefully. “I don’t want to help myself.”
“I can’t either, but we need to try, for both our sakes. Your mom clearly doesn’t appreciate your new friend and once she finds out who I am and how old I am…” I shake my head at the thought. When Ian finds out about Ryan, shit is going to hit the fan. I can’t imagine what Ryan’s mother is going to do, or his father. “We need to be careful.”
“We’ll be careful,” he says, his lips brushing up against mine as he speaks the three words that will hopefully keep us safe.
CHAPTER 13
Ryan
Having Hadley in this dark room only spurred the thoughts I’ve been having about her. I’ve never thought of a girl that way before until now. When I close my eyes, I picture what she looks like with me hovering over the top of her, or pressed against the wall with her legs wrapped around me. These visions of lust cloud my mind. Holding her hand simply ignites a fury beneath my skin with anticipation of what could come.
When my fingers brushed against her breast, the thought of knowing I could touch her freely, even if it was behind layers of fabric, sent a thrill right through me. Having her pull away, though, is not my intended plan. I know she’s being smart, cautious. That should be me. I should protect us, shy away from her to keep her safe. I know what my mom is going to say when she finds me alone. A conversation I don’t want to listen to.
Hadley is right, though. This friendship, or what I want to consider a relationship, needs to be kept quiet. The last thing I want is for Hadley to be in trouble because of me. If kissing her in private is all I’m allowed to do, then so be it. I’ll take what I can get until my eighteenth birthday. I’m hoping then that she’ll still want me.