Chapter
13
“You don’t look as if you’ve slept well.” Hu Chang’s eyes were narrowed on Catherine’s face as she came into the dining room for breakfast the next morning. “Sit down and have a cup of tea.” He poured her tea and handed it to her. “Was something bothering you?”
“You mean besides Kadmus breathing down our necks and Venable dragging his heels about giving Erin protection?” She picked up her cup. “Do you blame me for lying awake and trying to find a way out?”
“I never blame you for anything. I was just inquiring.”
Catherine turned to Erin. “It’s going to be all right. I’ll handle Venable. I didn’t really lie awake fretting about it.”
“I wasn’t worried. I don’t have as much confidence in Venable as you do. If he bowed out, it wouldn’t mean that much to me.” She smiled. “Besides, Cameron is coming.”
“Yes, he is.” She looked down into the tea in her cup. “He should be here anytime now.”
“You’re very certain,” Hu Chang said. “Is there reason for that certainty?”
She looked up and met his gaze. She knew that Hu Chang had been aware that Cameron could reach out to her when he wished. Why try to hide this last invasion? Perhaps because it had been so intensely personal. “He was six hours away last night. He wanted to know where Jack Sen was. He couldn’t reach him.”
“And Cameron wanted you to tell him where he could find Sen,” Hu Chang said. “Interesting.”
She didn’t answer. “Where’s Luke?” she asked instead. “He usually doesn’t sleep this late.”
“He didn’t this morning either,” Erin said. “He was going out in the garden with Celia when I came down. He was telling her all about some new fertilizer he and Hu Chang had concocted.” She smiled. “She acted totally fascinated.”
“No act,” Hu Chang said. “She has a great zest for living, and she likes Luke. Her garden is a postage stamp compared to Chen Lu’s, but she’s a very enthusiastic gardener.” He lifted his own cup to his lips. “She’s very enthusiastic about everything that interests her.”
“I’ve noticed that tendency to—”
The doorbell rang, and Hu Chang quickly rose to his feet. “If you’re not mistaken, that may be Cameron. I’ll let him in.”
“You know the code?” Catherine answered her own question. “That’s right, you said you did. What was I thinking? No one is closer to Celia than—”
“You all look very comfortable.” Cameron was standing in the arched doorway of the dining room. “It’s a shame to disturb you, but we’ve got to get moving.” He reminded Catherine of a storm wind as he came into the room. “There were only two men at the airport last night, but Kadmus will have half a dozen more searching for you by now.”
“I gave the taxi driver an address on Clement Street, several blocks from here. With all its alleys and byways, Chinatown can be a very confusing place,” Hu Chang said. “It will take him time.”
“And how do you know how many men Kadmus can muster here in San Francisco, Cameron?” Catherine asked.
“Kadmus has an entire West Coast operation here that handles art artifacts and drugs he channels through here. Mark Nagle usually works out of L.A., but he’s on tap for any job Kadmus orders him to do. He has a sizable team and enough corrupt influence in city government to be troublesome. It was Nagle who ordered those scumbags to grab you at the airport.” He turned to Catherine. “Where’s the boy?”
“In the garden.”
“I don’t want him to go anywhere alone, even in this house. I don’t want Kadmus to have any chance of getting his hands on him. He’s your Achilles’ heel.” He met her gaze and added curtly, “Which makes him my Achilles’ heel.”
She stiffened. He had been so sharp and businesslike since he’d appeared that she’d thought it was going to be okay. But the electricity between them was suddenly tangible. “I’ll take care of my son.”
“We’ll all keep an eye on him, Cameron,” Erin said quietly. “Though he takes pretty good care of himself.”
“Don’t rely on it.” For the first time since he’d entered the room, he smiled. “How are you, Erin?”
“Better in some ways. Not so good in others. I want the killing to stop.”
“It will. Give me a little while.”
She nodded. “I know you’re doing your best.”
He turned back to Hu Chang. “I figure that you’ll be safe here for perhaps another twenty-four hours. That should give us enough time. I have to take care of Jack Sen, but then I’ll be able to concentrate on Kadmus.”
Catherine said dryly, “Meanwhile, as you said, he’ll be concentrating extremely hard on us. He’ll be very glad that you’re planning a diversion.”
“Twenty-four hours,” he repeated.
“And how are you going to ‘take care’ of Jack Sen?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Oh, that’s right, Hu Chang said that you have teams all over the world just waiting to obey your every word.” Her voice was faintly mocking. “Are they better than this Nagle Kadmus turned loose on us?”
“John Blake is a good man,” Cameron said quietly. “And the people he uses to help me are also very good.” He met her eyes. “Would you rather I go up against Kadmus’s pet snake, Nagle, by myself?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Good, because it wouldn’t happen. Blake’s men will go into the hospital and get him at lunchtime when the staff is busiest. He’ll be taken down to the morgue and put in an ambulance to be driven off the property. I’ll have him on a private jet back to Hong Kong an hour later. He’ll be taken to a private hospital in Tibet to recover.”
“You make it sound easy,” Catherine said. “There will be police guards and security and nursing staff at that hospital. It’s not going to be so simple.”
“Money makes everything simple. The guard at the door will be suddenly taken deathly ill and rush to the bathroom to throw up. He’s already been furnished with a pill to make sure that happens and protect him from sellout accusations after the fact. The head nurse will keep everyone away from the area by slowing paperwork at the desk and keeping the nurses on duty busy down the hall, helping with the meal distribution. It will take three minutes to disconnect Sen’s tubes and get him out of the room, down the hall and into the elevator. One minute to get him to the garage level. Another minute to transfer him to the ambulance. By that time, there will be a ruckus when they discover Sen’s gone. But the ambulance will be out of the garage and driving down the street while they’re still scrambling.”
“Bribes,” Catherine said. “No violence?”
“That wouldn’t be efficient. I always prefer money whenever possible.”
“How much money?”
“Substantial. Some would say astonishing. Enough to sway anyone to take a chance if they thought they could get away with it. It was particularly important in this case because the time factor was so short. I didn’t know exactly what method I’d be using to extract Sen before I found out he was in the hospital. I had to notify Blake, the head of the team here, that a fix had to be made immediately. But he made it happen.”
“I only talked to you seven hours ago.”
He smiled. “I told you, Blake is very, very good. He had everything else in place about the actual exit plan from when I contacted him before I left Hong Kong.”
“Then you clearly knew before you got on that plane that Sen wouldn’t obey your orders,” Hu Chang said.
“There was a possibility that he would.” He shrugged. “But I had to prepare damage control in case he didn’t.”
“I still might be able to persuade Venable that we should get Sen out,” Catherine said.
“I’m sure you could persuade a leopard to change its spots, but we don’t have time. If we don’t get him out, then he’ll be taken to jail. Or Kadmus might order him killed in the hospital to set an example for killing two of his men. It wouldn’t take nearly as much money as I spent to bribe someone to put a lethal dose in his bottle.” He met her eyes. “I can’t risk Venable’s saying no to you.”
“And you’re sure this Blake will be able to get him out of San Francisco?”
“The chances are 85 percent positive. I’ve had him do similar jobs for me before here in San Francisco. He’s very good at extraction.”
“Extraction,” she repeated. “Like the young Indian boy you arranged to be extracted from that train on the way to China?”
He grimaced. “Hu Chang has been talking.”
“A little,” Hu Chang said. “The circumstance warranted it. In the end, my loyalty is not to you but to Catherine.”
“Understandable.” Cameron said to Catherine, “Yes, that was considered an extraction. I sanction and personally do a good many.” He made a chopping motion with his hand. “And I do it well. So you should feel comfortable that Jack Sen will just be another one in a long list.”
“I’m not comfortable,” she said bluntly. “I want Sen to be out of danger, but I don’t want any innocent people hurt. Can you guarantee that won’t happen?”
“No, but I’ve done everything I can to assure that it won’t.” He paused. “Look, I’m going to be in constant contact with Blake throughout the extraction. I’ll be in a car a few blocks from the hospital when that ambulance pulls out of the garage. If anything goes wrong, I’ll be there to take charge. I’ll follow the ambulance to the airport and be there until Sen is on the plane and off the ground.”
“That will be a risk for you.” Erin frowned. “Kadmus won’t care a damn about Jack Sen if he finds out you’re anywhere near him.”
“Then hopefully he won’t. Though there’s a strong possibility that the hospital is being watched. What will be, will be. I’ll adapt.”
“How fatalistic,” Catherine said. “And stupid.”
“I’m sending Blake in to do the job. It may not be as clean as I’d like. I have to back him.” He added softly, “I’m touched you care.”
Heat.
Push it away.
“You didn’t worry that much when Erin was in trouble. You didn’t go near her. You were only concerned about your precious rules.”
“Catherine,” Erin said sharply. “I told you that—”
“Hush,” Cameron said gently. “I don’t need you to defend me.” He said to Catherine, “You’re right, but I’ve decided I have to change the rules. Kadmus has to be stopped no matter what anyone else thinks. But I have to make sure there are no hostages when I make a move. Jack Sen could be a hostage.”
Catherine was silent, studying him. He was telling the truth. At least, she thought he was being sincere. How did she know with all those mental tricks?
“You know,” he said. “And all the tricks are over. We’re so close now, I can’t stop being with you. But I won’t lie, and I won’t manipulate.”
She pulled her eyes away from him. “No, I don’t like hostage situations either, but I don’t like the idea of your running the risk.” She forced a smile. “You have a few unique talents. I might have use for you later.”
“I have every intention of letting you use me later. I’m leaving now. I should be back here by three, and we’ll start moving toward Kadmus.”
She stood up. “I’m going with you.” The words had come out of nowhere and caught her by surprise. “You may need backup yourself.”
“No.” He turned and moved toward the arched door. “Stay close to the house and don’t let—”
“Cameron?” Celia stood in the doorway with Luke beside her. Her eyes were wide with shock as she stared at him. “What are you doing here?”
“Just leaving.” He smiled at her. “It’s good to see you again, Celia. I take it that Hu Chang didn’t mention that I was involved in this problem he threw at you?”
“No. I prefer not to know details where Hu Chang is concerned. You’re … a surprise.”
More than a surprise, Catherine realized. She had never thought Celia would ever lose her composure, but she was coming very close.
“And so are you,” Cameron said. “More beautiful than the last time I saw you. And generous, as usual. Hu Chang couldn’t have chosen anyone better.” He turned to Luke. “I hear you’ve been busy. I got a very irritated report from Tashdon about you.”
Luke stiffened. “He said that you told him to hurt Catherine. You didn’t, did you?”
“No, but I told him to stop her. I didn’t want her hurt. It evidently didn’t translate well.”
Luke frowned. “She had the right to do what she wanted. I would have helped her.” His expression cleared. “But I’m glad you didn’t mean anyone to hurt her. I didn’t think you’d do that.”
“I’ve just been getting advice from Luke about my garden,” Celia said. “But it’s time to eat. We came in to get breakfast orders. I’m a magnificent cook. Won’t you change your mind and stay?”
He shook his head. “Thank you, I have things to do. Another time.”
Celia smiled brilliantly. “Anytime.”
Catherine inhaled sharply. That intimate smile could not be misinterpreted.
My God, they were lovers.
“No. You’re reading too much into—Dammit, I can’t get through to you. Your mind is all over the place.”
“Lovers.”
“Catherine, it’s not—”
“It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care.”
“Cameron has to go, Celia,” Catherine said. “Could I help you make breakfast? I’m sure I’m not as good as you, but I’ll play kitchen help.”
Cameron was silent a moment. “She’ll have to find someone else to help.” He smiled recklessly. “Have you forgotten, Catherine? You’ve just offered to be my backup. I’ve decided to take you up on it.” He went back, grasped her wrist, and pulled her to her feet. “Let’s go.”
She could see Luke staring at her with a puzzled expression. If she struggled or caused a scene, she didn’t know what his reaction would be. The last thing she wanted was for Luke to confront Cameron. “If that’s what you want.” She smiled at Luke. “We’ll be back in a couple hours. Why don’t you help Celia?”
He nodded. “I will.”
She glanced at Hu Chang. He was very still, his eyes narrowed on her. “You handle everything here, okay?”
“With my usual splendid efficiency and understanding.” His glance went to Cameron. “And you will do the same, I trust.”
“You can count on me trying my utmost to do that,” Cameron said.
The next moment, they were out of the room and in the hallway. She immediately pulled her wrist away. “That was unnecessary. Why did you do it?”
“Because if I’d left you for the next four hours to come to your own conclusions, you’d have developed a mind-set that I’d have had to use a diamond-tipped drill to get through.” He opened the front door. “It was easier to confront the problem now.”
“There is no problem.”
He led her to a dark blue Mercedes at the curb and opened the passenger door. “Not now that I have you where I can control it. We have a couple hours waiting at the hospital for Blake to do his job. I should be able to get through to you by then.”
“All you should be concentrating on is getting Jack Sen away from here.”
“And I would, if it weren’t for you, dammit.” He started the car. “But it’s not happening. So I’ll have to—”
“Adapt? Isn’t that what you said?”
“Multitask. Now be quiet and let me get to somewhere that I can talk to you.”
“Why do you have to go anywhere special? After all, you’re a double threat as far as communication is concerned.”
“Evidently I’m not communicating too well at the moment,” he said grimly. “We should be at the hospital in fifteen minutes. Just don’t start building your mental scenarios until we get there.”
“This is completely unreasonable. I have no interest in—”
“Fifteen minutes.”
It was closer to ten minutes when he pulled into a curbside parking space across the street from the hospital with a clear view of the garage exit. Not really clear, she thought. It had started to rain, and the large drops driving against the windshield would have made it hard to see the exit anyway. They were completely cocooned in the rain driving against the car.
He put the Mercedes in park and turned to face her. “Yes, Celia and I had sex several years ago,” he said curtly. “We were not lovers, the way you would define it. There’s no reason for you to go off the rails like this.”
“I agree. What you did with her or any other woman should mean absolutely nothing to me.” She unsnapped her seat belt. “I was just surprised. I suppose I shouldn’t have been since you obviously had her house code. It didn’t sink home when you walked into the dining room.”
“I’ve never used the code before. She gave it to me when I put her on her flight home from Bangkok.”
“Hu Chang said she’s almost fanatically cautious about giving that code out. You must have been special to her.”
“Special? No, more in the line of unfinished business.”
“I didn’t mean to pry.” She wasn’t looking at him. “You don’t owe me any—”
“Hush.” His hands were suddenly tightly grasping her shoulders. “I know I don’t owe you anything. I’m straightening this out purely for my own benefit. Something’s going on between us, and I won’t have it destroyed almost before it begins.”
“There’s nothing to straighten out.” She still wouldn’t look at him. “There’s a sexual attraction, of course, but that wouldn’t give me any right to resent anything you do now or have done in the past. We’re both mature adults who live their own lives. This brief encounter will lead nowhere and shouldn’t be perceived as—”
He muttered a curse, then she was in his arms, his mouth on hers, his tongue playing wildly, deeply, with her own.
Heat. Tingling between her thighs. Breasts taut, swelling.
Her mouth was opening wider as she made a sound of need deep in her throat.
Fight him. This is crazy. Crazy …
Her blouse was open and her bra unfastened …
“Catherine.” His hands were cupping her breasts, then rubbing, pulling at the nipples.
She lunged upward as she felt his teeth gnaw at her nipple.
Need.
His hands were squeezing, his mouth moving. “Beautiful … Give me more.”
She couldn’t help but give him more. Her breasts were swelling with response to that erotic stimulation, pushing against his lips, his tongue. She moved closer, lifting, offering. “That’s right,” he murmured. “Let me have them. Let me play…”
Not play, she thought hazily. Her whole body was on fire, and he was drawing a response with his mouth that was driving her crazy. But maybe it was play to him. Maybe he knew what he was doing to her and—
“No.” She jerked away from him, her eyes blazing. “What the hell are you doing?”
“What you want me to do.” He was breathing hard, his cheeks flushed, his eyes glittering. “What I want to do. Don’t give me that bullshit about being civilized, mature adults. What we’re feeling is purely barbaric, with nothing civilized about it.” He watched her tuck her breasts back into her bra and start to button her blouse. “I want to be inside you. If you’d let me, I’d pull you in the backseat right now. It’s raining so hard no one could see us. But I wouldn’t give a damn if they could see me over you, in you. I need you.”
And she needed him. She had never needed anyone like this before; the intensity was taking her breath, melting her. She shook her head. “I … give a damn.”
“I know. I can see it.” He moistened his lips as he gazed at the curve of her breast as she buttoned her blouse. “And that’s why I’m holding on.” He drew a deep breath. “Believe it or not, this isn’t my usual—” He stopped and started again. “I don’t know why you have this effect on me. It must be a punishment for past sins. It’s not happened before.” His lips twisted. “And I assure you I’m usually civilized and mature in my sexual encounters. I can’t allow myself to be anything else.”
“Because you’re the Guardian?” Her voice was shaking, and she steadied it. “And the Guardian has to behave with discretion and obey all the rules.”
“Not with you. I can’t do it with you.”
“This is going nowhere.” She looked away from him. “And it’s partly my fault. I behaved irrationally about Celia, and it sparked something that—”
“Oh, yes, it did. And I would have behaved just as irrationally under similar circumstances. Rationality doesn’t exist in the same ballpark as barbaric. That’s why I had to scoop you away until we could clarify.” He held up his hand as she opened her lips to speak. “And I know that you’re going to say again that it doesn’t matter. Be quiet, and listen to me. I have to tell you exactly how much it doesn’t matter. First, I’m very highly sexed.” He grimaced. “You might have guessed that fact. Because of my duties, sexual activity has to meet all the discipline requirements that guide the rest of my life. I can’t allow myself to have normal relations. So I arrange time with women who ask no questions and want no strings.”
“Prostitutes.”
“Of the highest caliber and discretion.” He added, “When Hu Chang asked me to help him with the monks at the monastery, it was necessary that I read him. Celia came up several times in his memory. She was intriguing.”
“I can imagine.”
“A few months later, when I needed a woman, I arranged for her to spend a week with me in Bangkok.”
“A week? From what I hear, that would have been an expensive week.”
He shrugged. “I have money. Do you think that I would have been hired as Guardian if there was any chance of my being bribed? The first thing the committee did was make sure that I had a billion or two.”
“Billion?”
“It was nothing to them, Catherine. It was nothing to me, either, except when I needed something.”
“Like a courtesan. Was she worth it?”
“She was probably the most skilled woman I’d ever had. I enjoyed her.”
“Then I’d say she was worth it.”
“Except that she had one fault I couldn’t accept. She wanted control of me. I couldn’t allow anyone sexual dominance. It would have been dangerous. She tried all the time she was with me, in a variety of delightful, intricate ways to overcome resistance. She even offered to stay another week with me.”
There were only two men I found I couldn’t control, Celia had said.
Cameron was evidently one of them.
“Couldn’t you use a little of that mental manipulation to persuade her to stop?”
“No, she never knew I was capable of anything that wasn’t totally normal. I preferred it that way.”
“Why?”
“Normal isn’t bad. On occasion, it can be a relief.”
“And stop the prostitutes from talking about certain odd behavior?”
“That, too.”
She was silent. “You didn’t have to tell me this. It’s not my business.”
“It is your business. I told you, I haven’t felt like this before. I felt more for you when I had my mouth on you just now than I did for Celia when she was screwing me. That makes it dangerous as hell for me, and I have to come to terms with it. I don’t know what path we’re on, but I’m not going to let you go until we both find out.”
“It’s my choice, too.” She steadied her voice. “You’re this big mystery man, and I don’t even know if I like what you do or what you stand for. It’s all clouded. I don’t know you.”
He gazed at her. “Do you want to ask me questions? It’s dangerous. You’re an outsider and have not been sanctioned. I don’t believe I could ever hurt you.” He smiled crookedly. “But there are others who could step in and save me from myself if given the command.”
“Outsider? Bullshit. Do you think I’m afraid of all that hogwash?”
“No, I don’t think you’re afraid of anything, and I embrace that courage.” He paused. “But you have to tell me. You have to say the words.”
She stared at him. He would not have warned her if he hadn’t thought there was danger. Was she willing to say those words and run the risk?
Yes, for Erin’s sake.
And, yes, for her own sake, too.
“I do want to ask you questions. Will you tell me the truth?”
“Yes, but I may not answer everything if it’s something that would harm the committee or what they stand for.” He leaned back, and said softly, “Ask me, Catherine.”
“I want to know about you. Why did you want to become this mega security chief?”
“I didn’t. It wasn’t a question of choice. But when it came down to whether I’d let anyone else do it, I couldn’t turn it down. I was the right person. The committee knew it, and I knew it.”
“Because of the mental abilities?”
“That was a big part of it. There were only two other men in the world who even approached my abilities. One was CIA, and he wasn’t stable.” He nodded at Catherine. “Venable didn’t display his best stuff with that Italian girl when he brought you all to that mental-telepathy seminar. He had someone much better he’d hoped to bring along, but he couldn’t trust him not to freak with all of those agents bombarding him.” He added, “The other man was my brother, who would have been a decent choice.”
“Your brother?”
“Yes, Brad and I were discovered by a member of the committee in an orphanage in the Miami slums. We were being isolated and kept away from the other kids because the people who ran the place thought we had mental problems. You couldn’t blame them. Brad and I both had certain talents, but we didn’t know how to control them. We were confused and frustrated and had temper tantrums.” He grimaced. “Evidently, our parents didn’t know what to do with us either. They left us beside a road outside Boca Raton in the middle of the night.”
“If you were isolated, how did this committee member locate you?”
“The committee is always on the hunt for anyone with unusual talents. They regard psych talents the way they would a mathematical genius. They want the best of the best in their corner. They believe it’s the way to move people and society in the right direction. He’d heard stories and was looking for us. He took us out of the orphanage and put us with a young teacher, Nell Coledge, who had been trained to deal with kids like us. We lived with her for the next several years.”
“Was it better for you there?”
“Night and day. She taught us to handle being freaks and even accept it with humor. We both grew to love her.”
“Did she belong to this great committee?”
“No, she was just someone who believed in them. She was the one who tried to explain to us why being Guardian was so important. I couldn’t see it.”
“Could your brother?”
“Brad was much more idealistic than I’ll ever be. He actually wanted to be Guardian.”
“Then why isn’t he?”
“He didn’t get the chance. He was tortured and murdered when he was eighteen years old.”
Cameron’s tone was without expression. Yet Catherine could sense the pain.
“How?”
“He was kidnapped and taken to Iran. They’re building their own psych think tanks there. Brad and I were both on their radar, but he was easier to grab. I was older, and my training made me fairly formidable.”
“Why would they kill him?”
“The Iranians didn’t know how to handle what they had in Brad. They tried to force compliance. He wouldn’t do what they wanted, and they went too far. He bled to death before they could save him.”
“Dear God.”
“I wasn’t sure there was a God at that point. He was the person I loved most in the world. I couldn’t see why God would take him away.” He voice was suddenly bitter. “And then I realized that if that could happen to Brad, then there was something terribly wrong with the world as I knew it. I told the committee if they wanted me as Guardian, I’d do it.”
“I don’t understand all this Guardian business.”
“From what I’ve read in your mind since I got here, it seems you’ve already figured most of it out for yourself. I’m sent to take care of security problems, to keep anyone from knowing about the committee and what it’s trying to do. I also try to recruit those with talent of all kinds and descriptions who have the right moral character and mind-set and send them to the committee to train and incorporate into the organization.”
“And what is the committee trying to do?”
His lips turned up at the corners. “Are you afraid I’m going to say that they want to take over the world like something from a James Bond movie?”
“It occurred to me.”
“No, go back to what you read about the myth of Shambhala. What was the purpose of those who lived there?”
She thought about it. “Supposedly to live in peace and gather riches and knowledge. Because they knew that the world around them would grow worse as time went on and destroy itself. Then Shambhala would be there for those who still remained and came seeking the way to rebuild and live an enlightened life.” She gazed at him skeptically. “Are you telling me that this huge conglomerate capable of doing all the things that you say it can do would spend its time and resources on trying to save the world?”
“No, they don’t believe civilization as we know it can be saved. They just want a shot at building the next one.”
“Crazy.”
“If you say so.”
“What’s the name of this conglomerate?”
He shook his head.
“Then do you believe they’re really trying to do what they say, or are they working under the table for their own ends?”
“I wouldn’t be Guardian if I didn’t believe they’re doing what they think is right.”
“But you could be brainwashed. They had you and your brother from the time you were young and impressionable. And your brother’s death could have tipped the scales.”
“It’s a difficult task to brainwash anyone with a convoluted brain like mine.” He smiled. “If you think it’s crazy, you have to think I’m crazy, too.”
“It’s a cold world out there, and big business is even colder.”
“And what if the business was started decades and decades ago and created with that one underlying purpose?”
She shook her head. “I still can’t believe it.”
“I didn’t think you would. Questions over?”
“No, you say you also recruit. You were trying to recruit Erin, weren’t you?”
He nodded. “She was a perfect candidate. Intelligent, talented, strong, idealistic. The committee could have helped and used her in a hundred situations.”
“She wouldn’t like to be used.”
“Only with her consent and cooperation. Force is what the committee is battling against.”
“Except where you’re concerned.”
“But then I’m the Guardian,” he said simply.
“Which means that the gloves are off, and all the rules are your rules.”
“I told you that from the beginning.”
“I didn’t realize that you were out to remake the world as we know it.”
“After Brad died, I decided I didn’t like the world the way it was being run. Why not change it?” He was studying her expression. “You’re getting more upset. No one is targeting innocents, Catherine. There has to be a balance to keep the operation from crashing down. Sometimes that balance is very delicate, and I have to make decisions how to maintain it.”
“So you go out and kill someone.”
“Is it different from your having to take down one of the bad guys? Don’t you have to make judgments?”
“Yes. It’s just that you seem more … autocratic.”
“I am what I am. Are we finished?”
“No.” She added honestly, “But my mind is so messed up right now I need time to absorb.”
“Then by all means absorb.” He leaned back and gazed at her. “It’s a wonderful mind and not that messed up even now. It was the first thing that attracted me to you when I was searching for someone to go after Erin. Such a clean, beautiful mind with none of the static most people broadcast.” He smiled. “Of course, that particular attraction faded into the background in short order. Lust is a very domineering master. Perhaps someday I’ll be able to combine the two, but it may be a while.”
Lust.
Yes, it was with her now, again. She could feel a flush heat her cheeks. “Listen, Cameron. I’m not going to lie to you. It would be stupid to tell you that I don’t want you to—” She moistened her lips. “You can see I do, damn you. But I’m not going to do it.”
“I know. Not now. It’s not the time. Now that we’ve crossed the first barrier, I can wait. I just had to clear up the Celia hurdle.”
Good God, she was disappointed, she realized, shocked.
“Me, too,” he said thickly. “And don’t think I’m not going to have you as soon as I can justify doing it. I’ll be thinking of all the ways that we can try. Not that I haven’t been doing that already. Every time I have a moment to myself, you’re there.”
“I don’t have any moments to myself without your butting in,” she said tartly. “You said that you wouldn’t do that. It’s totally unfair, Cameron.”
“I’ll try to stay out as much as possible. It’s difficult when I feel so close to you.” He paused. “And I’m not sure if there’s a threat. I have very strong protective instincts. That was one of the reasons I was chosen as Guardian.”
“That’s not a good excuse for snooping,” she said dryly. “I don’t care if your instincts say go for it. I’m the one who should be able to block you from doing it.”
“I’ll try, Catherine. That’s all I can promise.”
She gazed at him with exasperation.
“I’ve learned to be disciplined, and usually it works,” he said quietly. “But I’m not disciplined with you. It all goes out the window.”
“Why?”
“It’s not only the sex. Though God knows that’s a gigantic part of it. I feel as if I’m turning a new page with you. I don’t know what I’ll find, but I know it’s going to be important to me. And sometimes what you make me feel blows that discipline to hell.” He reached out and touched her lower lip with his forefinger. “I know you don’t feel the same, but there are moments when you come close. I think that’s why I slip inside. I need to know that I’m not alone.”
Alone. She knew about loneliness. Her life had been nothing but loneliness before she met Hu Chang. How much worse must have been Cameron’s loneliness. He had been shut in isolation and rejection most of his childhood. Even after he had been put with the woman who had raised him, he must have come to realize how different he was from everyone else. That was loneliness in itself.
“Stop feeling sorry for me. I do just fine.” Then he smiled. “Or maybe I should tell you to go ahead. I don’t mind sympathy if it makes you melt like this. It could lead in all kinds of interesting directions.”
“No, it can’t. And you’re snooping again.” She slapped his hand away from her mouth. “And I’m not melting. You’re the last person I’d feel sorry for.” But she couldn’t resist asking, “Hu Chang once said that he thought that you were relieved when you were forced to not use all that mental firepower. Is that true?”
“He’s a wise man. It’s both relaxing and a little annoying. I get impatient.” He tilted his head. “You have the most beautifully shaped lips. I keep wanting to touch them. And your breasts are magnificent. My tongue still tingles from—”
“Cameron.”
He nodded. “I know, later.” He turned on the windshield wipers, and the interior of the car was flooded with daylight, destroying the cocoonlike intimacy. “We still have forty-five minutes before Blake should start the action.” He was gazing at the entrance of the hospital garage. His hands closed tightly on the steering wheel. “He’s probably in the hospital now seeing to the stretcher and getting it up to Jack Sen’s floor.”
Her gaze was narrowed on his face. “You’re on edge. You said you trust Blake.”
“I do. I just want to be there, doing it myself.” He grimaced. “That’s what I always want, but it’s against the rules. Only occasionally are the circumstances just right for me to be able to step in. I have to remain the invisible man.”
“Frustrating. It would drive me crazy.”
“You bet, intensely frustrating. But I’ve become accustomed to—” He stopped, and a reckless smile suddenly lit his face. “But why should I have to put up with it on this job? I’ve already broken the rules. Why not break a few more?” He opened the driver’s door and got out of the car. “Get in the driver’s seat. Come and pick me up when I run out of the garage.”
“What? You can’t interfere with a plan in motion. It would screw everything up.”
“I won’t interfere.” The rain was pouring down his face, and his dark hair was already wet. His expression was alive with vitality and that excitement. “I’ll just be there on the spot and get them out of the garage faster.”
“And not be the invisible man,” she said softly.
“Right. Will you wait here and pick me up? Will you be there for me?”
She didn’t want to sit here and wait. She wanted to go with him.
He shook his head. “Not this time. I need you to be on call outside the hospital. Will you do it?”
She made a face as she nodded resignedly. “I’ll be there for you.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear.” He smiled brilliantly as he turned and walked toward the garage. “I don’t know anyone who I’d rather have beside me, but this will have to do.”
“But you did it again,” she called after him. “Stop that snooping…”
He waved and disappeared into the garage.
The rain was falling harder again, closing out the sight of the garage entrance. She turned on the windshield wipers once more. She had to see, dammit.
She checked her watch. Forty minutes until the action started. Then it would probably escalate at warp speed. Cameron had said five minutes, if everything went well.
But she would be on the alert from this time forward. She had never trusted that every detail in an operation would necessarily go well. Cameron was brilliant, and his plan was probably just as brilliant, but there were usually slipups. She would watch and make sure that Cameron was not caught in one.
She had promised to be there for him.