Keeping Secrets in Seattle

chapter Six


August 2, 2005

Gabe and I spoke for the first time since…that night. It was a relief and strangely awkward all at once. But when we talked, I decided not to tell him my secret. I locked what happened up in a vault and threw away the key.

“Oh, come on. Give me the remote.” I reached across the couch toward my boyfriend, who was dodging my grab.

My boyfriend. I had a boyfriend.

Well, technically, Landon and I had only been dating for two weeks, but during that time, we’d gone out to dinner three times, stayed in for movies twice, gone for a walk on Alki Beach, and made three dinners with Kim and Betsy. He called me on his lunch breaks just to say hi and even playfully referred to me as “his girl” a few days before while talking on the phone with his mother. His mother.

Instead of sitting around anticipating Gabe’s texts and calls, I was now anticipating Landon’s calls. He was sexy and funny, and when he kissed me, the hairs on my neck would stand at attention. But Gabe’s presence was always in the back of my mind, no matter where I went, or what I did. Our history was so tightly woven that it was almost like I was cheating on Gabe by falling for Landon.

I suppose that was why I was avoiding Gabe’s phone calls and texts. I didn’t want to be distracted. And let’s face it, Gabe distracted me.

“Hey, wait.” Landon grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close, right as my BlackBerry chimed. “I’m the guy. Aren’t I supposed to hog the remote?”

“Hmm, I never took you for the sexist pig type.” Snuggling underneath his arm, I noticed that there was a text message from Gabe on my phone.

HEY, YOU…WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING MY CALLS?

Landon kissed the top of my head. “That’s because it warrants such a good reaction from you, I think I might keep it up.”

I tried to squirm away from him, my finger poised on the keys. I’d spent so much time obsessively checking my messages, it was weird not to immediately reply to Gabe. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to him, because I did. But Landon’s arms felt so good around my waist, and to lose myself in someone new was intoxicating. I pressed the Power button, the screen went black, and I tossed my BlackBerry aside before throwing myself in Landon’s direction again. “My apartment, my remote. Give it back.”

He held it above his head. “I’ll give you the remote…for a kiss.”

I gasped. “That’s extortion.”

He leaned in, his taunting mouth close to my lips. “It’s worth it.”

“Forget it, creep.” I jumped to my feet.

Landon’s eyes shone and he stood across from me. “I want a kiss.”

“Forget it. It’s almost ten. I’ve got to get to bed. You can just leave the remote on the couch.”

“You’re heading to bed? Sounds enticing.”

He made a leap for me, and I squealed and covered my mouth as I darted away from him. My roommates were already in bed, and I’d been asked a few times to pipe down.

“You’d better give me that kiss if you ever want to see your remote alive again.”

I shrieked when his hand grazed my side. Charging beyond Landon’s reach, I darted for my bedroom.

He caught me from behind, and without a second to prepare myself, he’d flopped me on top of my bed and landed on top of me. While I squirmed like a child, trying unsuccessfully to keep my laughter quiet, he plastered my neck with wet, noisy kisses.

“Keep the remote. I don’t want it anymore.” Instead of pushing him away, I curled my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer. “But I do want you to keep kissing me.”

He glanced up and his face became a hint more serious. He stood and straightened out his shirt. “And that,” he said carefully, “is my cue to go.”

“Excuse me?”

Bending at the waist, he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “In due time, beautiful.”

There were many things I was starting to really dig about Landon. One was the fact that he was adorably old-fashioned. He opened doors for me, he asked me what I wanted at a restaurant and then ordered it for me, and he was taking our physical relationship very slowly. Unlike our alcohol-fueled make-out session at The Lotus, each of our subsequent dates had ended with kisses that left my blood pumping when he turned to head home. This new desire to see how far he was going to let me take things every night made me crave him when he wasn’t around and anticipate our dates even more.

After walking Landon to my door and saying good-bye, I quietly danced back to my bedroom and quickly undressed, put in my earbuds, and turned on my iPod. Beaming up at the ceiling, it occurred to me that I was starting to get perma-grin whenever Landon left my apartment. What would my face do when he actually stayed the night?

There was a tap at my door, and I heard Kim’s sleep-filled voice in the hall. “She’s asleep. I don’t know if she wants to see you.”

Gabe’s deep voice rang out. “Hey, wake up.”

I sat bolt upright in my bed and popped my earbuds out. Gabe was here? Meaning, he was actually in my apartment?

“Hold on.” I scrambled to find some pants to put on, and settled for a pair of cutoff sweats.

“I hear congratulations are in order.” Kim’s voice was painfully polite on the other side of the door.

Gabe coughed. “Yes. Thanks…uh…nice shirt.”

I snickered. When she and Betsy called it a night, she’d been wearing her T-shirt that said, “I slept with your girlfriend.” I pictured the two of them standing opposite each other in the hallway, both of them staring at the floor or wall—anything but each other—waiting for me to open the door and break the tension.

“Good grief, open the door,” Gabe said after an awkward pause.

I slid an old rock band T-shirt over my head, then pulled my bedroom door open and came face-to-face with Gabe. He was poised to knock again, wearing an expensive-looking suit and button-down gray shirt that contrasted with his skin perfectly. His suit coat was darker on the shoulders from rain, and speckles of moisture dotted his skin.

His eager expression warmed me from head to toe, lighting me up on the inside like a Roman candle. “Vi.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

Kim spoke before he could say a word. “Glad you’re done having a wrestling match with your boyfriend now. I’d really like to get some sleep.”

My cheeks burned, and I glanced up at Gabe, whose eyes had widened. “Landon left. So, Gabe, what’s up? Where’s Alicia?”

“She’s at her place. She’s really tired. You know, from all the wedding planning.”

I nodded, even though I had no idea what he meant. Had I recently gotten engaged to him, I wouldn’t be tired. I would’ve been running through the streets and screaming it from the Space Needle.

Kim had a frown on her pixie-like face. “You sure she’s not knocked up?”

“Hush,” I hissed at her.

She grinned wickedly. “I heard pregnancy can really wipe a girl out. Especially when she only weighs seventy-five pounds.”

Gabe glared at her. “Well, it was nice to see you, too. But I’d like to visit with Violet now.”

Kim rolled her eyes. “Okay, lover boy, as you wish.”

I offered Gabe an apologetic shrug. “Sorry.”

I gestured into my room. “Come on in. It’ll be quieter if I can shut the door.” Gabe meandered toward my rumpled bed, and I gulped. “Unless you want to go somewhere else? We can sit in the living room or something? I mean, you know, since you’re engaged now and everything.”

Gabe’s face split into a grin, and he sat down on my bed, stretching across its width. “This is fine. So…why are you acting weird about this now?”

“Well, have you heard of calling first?” I sat down on the edge of the bed, the farthest away from him that I could manage. He smelled like a mixture of his Bvlgari cologne and rain.

“I did. And I texted you.” Gabe frowned disapprovingly. “I didn’t realize I would catch you in a postcoital glow. Who’s Landon?”

“He’s someone I’ve been…” I stopped speaking and gulped. Seriously, was it hot in my bedroom, or was it just me?

“Dating?” he finished for me.

I nodded dumbly. “Yeah. But, we weren’t…I didn’t…”

Gabe’s jaw twitched. “So you weren’t….”

“We weren’t having sex. We were just…chasing each other.”

One of his eyebrows went back up. “Chasing?”

I folded my arms across my chest. “Don’t give me that look, Mr. I-can’t-see-my-best-friend-anymore-because-I’m-freakin’-engaged.”

The corner of his mouth tugged upward. “Yeah, sorry. Alicia has had me busy every single night since Christmas.”

I frowned at him. “You’re helping with the wedding plans? That’s…weird.”

He tucked a pillow under his head. “Alicia thinks it will bring us closer together.”

“Oh, I see.” I couldn’t help but grimace. The girl was already marrying my best friend—now she needed to monopolize all of his time making pew bows and confetti packets? “Whatever. Let’s talk about the subject at hand, shall we? Why are you here? At ten o’clock at night? On a Tuesday?”

He watched me closely. “You don’t want to tell me about your new boyfriend?”

“What do you want to know?” I shifted in my spot. The idea of discussing other men with him made me want to crawl out of my own skin. Probably because in my heart, there’d only been him.

“Since when do we keep these things a secret?”

Anger flashed in my belly. “This from the guy who didn’t tell his best friend he was getting engaged?”

Gabe’s mouth formed a tight line. “Fine. Why haven’t you told me about him?”

I shrugged. “I guess I’ve been busy.”

“Too busy to tell me about your new…” He paused, a sad line forming across his brow. “Er, lover?”

I could tell he was trying to get a reaction. “Stop it. He’s not my lover.”

“So you guys are just friends?”

“No, we’re dating. We met a couple of weeks ago.”

“You guys sound pretty cozy.”

“Yeah, I guess we are pretty cozy.”

“Isn’t that kind of fast?”

I looked at Gabe in disbelief. “Didn’t you propose to Alicia after just five months?”

He held his palms up, laughing. “Okay, truce.”

“Come on. I want to talk about you.” I tried to frown at him and clenched my fists at my sides to keep from touching him. Maybe if I picked his brain for a while I could get to the bottom of this new Gabe Parker I barely recognized. “I want to talk about you and Alicia.”

He propped his head up on his hand. “All right, then. Shoot.”

I wished that being that close to Gabe didn’t still make my pulse race. “You know what I mean. You’re taking the vows. Where in the world did all of this come from?”

For a split second, I saw a flicker of panic cross his face, but it quickly melted back into joy. “Yeah, weird, huh? My mom said the same thing when I told her.”

There was something to be said for the little exchange between Nora and me after Gabe’s announcement at Christmas dinner. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, except now I was positive that she knew I loved Gabe. Did she wish he was with me? I shook my head, pushing the memory away. There was no point in focusing on my moment with Nora at dinner. Talk about a lost cause.

“It’s more than weird. It’s a major, major departure for you,” I said, watching Gabe’s face for some sign of remorse. Some flicker of light that indicated he still loved me. “What happened to the guy who said he wasn’t getting married until he was in his thirties? Or later?”

“I don’t know. I guess my opinion changed. I…” He paused. “I guess I fell in love.”

I swallowed. That stung a bit. “Well, then, if you don’t mind, can I ask you a question?”

He furrowed his brow. “When have you ever asked my permission?”

“Right.” I laid down on my side. “Okay. So…you’ve seen a lot of women.”

He closed his eyes. “Not that many.”

“Oh, please, Casanova. You’ve had more girlfriends than Hef.” I socked him in the shoulder.

“So what’s your point?”

“My point is…what makes Alicia so different? What makes you want to make her your wife?”

Gabe stretched out, his fingers laced behind his head while he stared up at the ceiling. “Alicia’s amazing. I wish you could know her the way I know her.”

I made a gagging sound.

“Shut up. She’s kind and smart. She volunteers at a soup kitchen, did you know that? And she’s got me doing things to help out the community, too.”

I pressed my lips together tightly. Gabe was a kind person, but serving the community? He usually wrote his yearly check to the Red Cross, then called it good.

“She encourages me to do things I’ve never done before. She wants us to host charity events someday. She wants us to be known for our philanthropy when we’re older.” His eyes danced as he rattled on, and a twinge of jealousy stung in my gut. “Alicia motivates me. She makes me want to be a better person. She inspires me to work harder.”

Personally, I found it hard to believe he could work harder. Gabe busted his ass at his career in advertising and was the youngest junior partner in the history of his agency. I tried to read the expression on his stoic profile. “And you’re happy, right?”

He turned toward me. A hand emerged from under his head, coming to rest on the side of my face. “Yes.”

We just stared at each other, the only sound Betsy’s muffled snoring next door. His hand was still cool from being outside, but my skin heated beneath it, and I was frozen in place, with my mind going like a runaway city bus.

Why did Gabe touch my face? What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to kiss him now? No, no, no…I’d just kissed my boyfriend good-bye, and Gabe was engaged. He was taken. Off-limits. We both were.

I sensed every curve and angle of his fingers and relished in the way they felt against my skin. It’d been a seriously long time since he’d touched me like this. His face was an odd mixture of emotions as we sat there. Excitement and joy mixed with panic. A departure from his usual state of complete confidence.

“Why are you here tonight?” I asked.

He blinked and dropped his hand from my face. “I came to ask you a question.”

I cleared my throat. “Okay then…hit me.”

The corners of his mouth pricked upward. “So the reason I came here without Alicia is…”

“Because she can’t stand me.”

Gabe frowned. “She doesn’t hate you. She thinks you’re great.”

“Okay, you get an ‘A’ for effort, dude, but I’m not buying it. The future Mrs. Parker hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.” He looked away. “She likes you. It’s gotta be weird, though. For her fiancé to have a girl best friend.”

I nodded. “I guess. But there’s nothing between us. We’re completely platonic. Nothing to worry about, right?”

His face fell. Just the tiniest bit. “Right.”

We just watched each other for an awkward pause.

“Listen, I wanted to ask you if…” Gabe paused and laughed nervously.

“If?”

“It would really mean the world to me if you would be my best man.”

The race engine in my heart sputtered to an abrupt halt. I probably should have thanked him for the honor. But my initial reaction was to jump off the bed and yell, What the hell, dude? After all we’d been through, Gabe wanted me to stand next to him while he pledged his life to Alicia?

“You do realize that I’m not a guy, right?” I answered slowly.

“Believe me, I know that.” He swatted me with a pillow. “But you’re my best friend. And it just wouldn’t be right without you standing beside me. Let me rephrase…will you be my best woman?”

I smiled despite myself. “Isn’t Alicia your best woman?”

Gabe rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Stop busting my chops. All right, will you be my…best person?”

“That sounds stupid. Just call me your best man.”

“Fine. Will you be my best man?”

“And Alicia’s totally okay with this?” I watched his face for signs of impending doom.

“Oh, yeah, of course. She knows how important it is to me.”

My chest tightened. I was not only going to witness Gabe getting married, but now I would have a front and center view while doing so. How intoxicated would I have to be to stand there without having any comprehension of what I was witnessing? Could one actually request a lobotomy?

“Vi?” Gabe snapped his fingers underneath my nose a few times.

I fisted my hands under the pillow in my lap. Part of me wanted to tell him to drop dead. After all, I’d only recently begun the arduous process of getting over my love for him. How dare he ask me to be his best-freaking-man in his wedding, which was being held on my birthday? But the other part of me wanted to play the part of the cool, collected best friend. Willing to do whatever brought joy to my oldest and dearest friend. I felt like I was going to split right down the middle, leaving my guts—and my adoration—all over my bedspread for him to see.

Gabe cleared his throat, and I snapped to attention, offering false enthusiasm. “Of course. I would be honored to be your best person…er, man.”

He graced me with a wide grin. “Yeah? Thanks, Vi. I was afraid it would be weird for you.”

I bit my lip. “Not weird at all.”

“I have no idea what Alicia will dress you in, so don’t do the girl thing and ask me what you’re wearing. That’s why she wants you to come to brunch with her bridesmaids on Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh, I see. Gee, I’m really looking forward to that.” I pressed my lips together to avoid making a face.

Gabe nudged me. “Come on. I won’t let her dress you like a complete fool.”

I let my fake smile drop. “Please try to rein her in, okay? I know my fashion sense isn’t like Alicia’s at all, but don’t let her put me into a chicken suit or something like that.”

“A chicken suit?” He laughed. “Fat chance. She’s got visions of grandeur. Expensive grandeur.”

“Well, I guess I won’t be too dressed up. Wouldn’t want me to be a threat or anything, right?”

Gabe’s expression was indecipherable. “That’s absurd.”

His comment had an invisible sting. “Exactly.”

Gabe stretched, and the tails of his shirt rose, showing a sliver of skin at the waist of his slacks. “I’ve got to get going. I’m being dragged to taste menu choices tomorrow morning between my work meetings.”

My pulse sped up at the sight of his abs, and I immediately bounced up off the bed. “Menu choices, huh? No rest for the weary groom, eh?”

He shook his head. “So it seems. And you pay double for everything when you’re planning a wedding just five months away.” He rose off the bed, standing just inches apart from me. “Apparently, that’s like a week in wedding time.”

I could smell his cologne again, and my head began to swim. “Yeah, five months isn’t very long to plan the wedding of the century.”

“I know. Alicia is going overboard. I should have seen it coming. Oh, and hey, about the wedding date…” Gabe’s face fell.

I scowled and pushed his chest. “You mean my birthday?”

He looked down. “Yeah…listen, I’m sorry. I know we always hang out on your birthday for…”

“Pizza and baseball.” I glanced at the Mariners pendant hanging on the wall.

“It’s just that Alicia’s parents can’t both get time off work until that week, and they are booked clear through the summer. Alicia wants them both in town for all the festivities. We’ll still be hanging out on your birthday, right? We’ll just be…” His voice trailed off.

“In tuxes. Well, you’ll be in a tux. I will be in a chicken suit.” I took a deep breath and peeled my eyes from the pendant. “It will be fine. It’s a silly old tradition, anyway. It’s time for new traditions.”

He nodded. “Right.”

I opened my bedroom door, and we walked down the hall to the front door.

“Bye, freak show,” Gabe called, rapping on Betsy and Kim’s bedroom door with a smirk.

“See you later, Daddy,” Kim’s muffled voice answered.

Gabe frowned. “Alicia’s not pregnant.”

One of my eyebrows rose high on my forehead. “You sure? I mean, this quickie wedding, and—”

Gabe shook his head. “No. Alicia just doesn’t want to wait.”

“Okay, then.” I opened the door and leaned against the frame. “Thanks for asking me to be in your wedding.”

His frown softened. “Of course. I can’t imagine getting married without you there.”

Gabe pulled me into a tight hug, his face buried in my neck, his lips against the skin behind my ear. My head started to buzz, and I drew in a long, deep breath of his musky, rained-on scent, letting our hug last longer than it should have. Closing my eyes, I dug my fingers into the fabric of his shirt, pretending for just a moment that Gabe was mine. I could almost swear that he’d taken in his own deep breath, his lips and nose now buried in my hair. I felt weightless in his arms. The effect Gabe had on me was pure magic.

It was he who pulled out of the hug first, holding me at arm’s length, his eyes hazed over. We looked at each other, neither of us knowing what to say, but both of us increasingly aware of the incongruousness of our hug. Ten seconds passed…then twelve…

I spoke before he could, hoping my words would stifle the need brewing deep in my belly. “I think you’ve got cold feet.”

Gabe gritted his teeth. “I do not.”

“Then you had too much wine with your dinner tonight.” I took a shaky step backward.

His Caribbean blue eyes were focused on me. “I haven’t had anything to drink.”

My heart twisted. “Okay.”

“It’s just that…” He stopped speaking and just looked at me.

My insides tightened. “What?”

He released my shoulders and stepped through the doorway. The moment was gone. “Gotta go. I have three other groomsmen to call.”