Keeping Secrets in Seattle

chapter Three


October 1, 2006

There were so many times growing up when Gabe and I were there for each other in a way that no one else could be. When his grandpa died, I was the one who held him for an hour while he sobbed. And he was the one who made me countless playlists for my iPod to drown out the sound of my mom, aka the former Miss Texas, entertaining a new boyfriend.

I left the Parkers’ house shortly after, stumbling to the door while everyone called out pie preferences. My chest was cracked open, leaving my heart raw and exposed. Every daydream I’d ever had about my future now lay sliced into pieces like the Christmas turkey.

The typical Christmas-in-Seattle rain was coming down in sheets now, matching my mood. As soon as I was a safe distance from the front windows of the house, I’d dropped a long string of expletives and stomped along the sidewalk, casting sprays of icy rainwater all over my legs. I’d gotten a block down the street before I’d heard the familiar, deep voice calling my name. “Hey, Vi!”

I swung around to see Gabe jogging toward me. He wasn’t wearing a coat, so his button-down shirt was soaked, and his arms and chest were visible through the fabric. It looked like a scene out of a chick flick. He was practically moving in slow motion.

I glanced at my reflection in the window of a car parked along the street and groaned another handful of swear words. The rain had drenched my hair while I’d struggled to open my umbrella, and it was now hanging around my neck in clumps. My face was bright red from crying, and my makeup was reduced to streaks running down my cheeks. I looked like a scary clown.

Gabe took my shoulders in his hands. “Why are you leaving? What’s wrong? My mom won’t cut the pies without you.”

I lifted the umbrella high enough to cover his head. “I’m…I just have a stomachache.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Gimme a break—look at you.”

“Gee, thanks.” I wiped at my stained face with the sleeve of my coat.

He released that deep laugh that always made my toes curl. “That’s not what I meant. I mean, you’ve been crying.”

“Oh, yeah…well…I…” I looked away and pretended to scan the street for the bus.

“What gives?”

I should have known I wasn’t going to escape Christmas dinner in tears without being interrogated.

I forced a weak simper. “The flu, that’s all.”

The sound of the rain on my umbrella nearly drowned out his voice. “Are you upset about Alicia and me getting engaged?”

“I…I just…” My emotions bubbled back up to the surface. Shock, despair, and anger churned in my gut like a stew. “Okay, seriously, Gabe. The last time we talked, you didn’t mention the fact that you were even considering proposing to Alicia. In fact, you sent me an e-mail saying you were ending things with her. What the hell?”

Gabe looked down at the wet sidewalk. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“We tell each other everything.” I glared. “Why wouldn’t you tell me something as major as this?”

“I didn’t…” He paused and scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “I didn’t want to surprise you. And I knew that if I saw you or talked to you, I would blurt it out.”

“You thought it would be better for me to find out over a plate of stuffing with twenty people around?”

His face turned red, and he looked up at me with those light-blue eyes. “I’d hoped so.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I glanced up the street, focusing on the peaks of my mother’s roof visible behind the trees. Anything except Gabe. “You’re my best friend. Why wouldn’t you want to talk to me about this, of all things?”

He put his hands into his pockets, and his shoulders slumped. “I thought that considering our history—”

“I would take the news better in a crowd?” Wrapping my arms around myself, I willed myself to stop trembling. I’d cried enough for one holiday.

“Look…I know you don’t like Alicia, and I didn’t want to hear your opinion about it.” Gabe touched my elbow and stepped closer to me.

I grimaced. Of course he didn’t. Gabe was the one person over the past twenty-five years who’d never hurt me on purpose. He was my one constant in a life full of changes and disruptions. And we were always honest with each other. Well, mostly.

“I know.” My breath caught when I saw how earnest Gabe looked. I swallowed back the speech I’d planned before Christmas dinner, and how much I wanted to press my lips to his, and prove to him how much we were meant to be together. I just couldn’t do it. He was so happy, and so…in love. “And…I’m happy for you,” I said, my voice low.

His sigh sounded grateful. “Do you really mean that?”

“Of course I do.”

Alicia poked her head out the front door and waved at me, and the lump returned to my throat.

I gave Gabe’s chest a gentle push. “You’ve got to go back. Alicia is looking for you. Go have some chocolate silk for me.”

He squeezed my arm. “You sure you don’t want to come back? Pie is good for bellyaches.”

“That would just make things worse.” The last thing I was capable of was watching Gabe feed his birdlike fiancée bites of my mother’s chocolate pie. “I should go.”

“All right…but we always spend Christmas together. It doesn’t feel right without you.”

I nodded. I already knew that. Just then, the bus peeked over the hill and grumbled toward us. “I’ve gotta go. Give your parents a hug for me.”

“Okay, then.” Gabe started to walk backward, his world-famous knee-melting smile returning to his face. “Merry Christmas, Vi.”

I watched him turn and dart through the rain. It felt like he was dragging my heart on the sidewalk behind him. I walked to where the bus was idling and released a long, guttural sigh. This would go down in the record books as my worst Christmas ever.

I cursed myself for loving a man who was in love with someone else. “Merry Christmas.”