I collapsed against her back, letting go of her hair, and I dropped my forehead between her shoulder blades, breathing heavily against her skin. I stayed there, catching my breath for a minute, and her back rose and fell as she did the same. I kissed my way down her back, pulling my cock from her body as I moved, and I kissed over the cheeks of her bottom as her muscles flinched.
When I dropped to my knees behind her, I was still kissing her bottom. I ran my hands up the insides of her thighs, and I parted the lips of her sex with my thumbs. She was wet with my cum, and I stared at it, touched it, and finally played with it as I thrust two fingers into her. She groaned as I slid my fingers in and out, and when I abruptly stood, spun her to face me, threw her over my shoulder and walked out, she squealed. I chuckled as I reached up, gripped her ass, and squeezed a cheek hard with my hand. I dropped her on her bed, coming down on top of her, and I kissed her.
“Do you forgive me for being distant because I was trying to process what your life is and how I can deserve a place in it?” I asked her when I pulled back from her lips. But I didn’t give her a chance to respond. “Do you forgive me for walking all the way here in the rain because I desperately needed to see you, but I needed time to compose my thoughts? How about my desire to make love to you rather than rehash a nightmare I can’t remember anyway—am I forgiven for that?” I leaned to her ear then. “Do you forgive me for fucking you hard without your permission? For staring at that tight little asshole of yours and fantasizing about doing all sorts of naughty things to it while I was fucking the hell out of your *? Tell me I’m forgiven for that,” I whispered. “What about coming inside you? Making a mess of that sweet * and playing with my cum because there’s nothing quite as sweet as knowing I’m inside you even when I’m not inside you.” I finally pulled back from her ear, studying her wide eyes. “Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me for that?”
I watched her throat struggle to swallow and the tendons strain against the tension as she watched me, but she nodded this tight little movement as a breath escaped her and touched my lips.
“Thank God.” I smirked, and I winked. It wasn’t the only thing in the world I needed her forgiveness for, but it was sure as shit the only thing I was willing to deal with at the moment.
I moved off to her side, collapsing onto the bed beside her and rolling toward her. She did the same, and I lifted my top leg as she snuggled up close and slipped her leg between mine. I ran my palm down her cheek, kissed her gently, and then wrapped my arms around her. I rested my chin to the top of her head as she snuggled up close.
“Can you forgive me for not being ready to make love to you the way you want because it terrifies me to remember the sight of you like that?” I whispered.
Her fingers ran down my back, stroking gently and soothingly. “Yes.”
She was silent for a while, and I reached back turning the lamp off. I closed my eyes, and I listened to her breathe as she relaxed.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked a few minutes later.
I’d actually thought she’d fallen asleep. “Of course.”
“How do you have sex with other women?”
I froze, not knowing how she expected me to respond to that. “Hell, what are you—”
“I just mean … is it like this? Or…” The hesitance in her voice was almost painful to hear. “I don’t know,” she finally said, clearly giving up what she was asking.
I reached back and turned the lamp on again. I was almost afraid to face her, because I still wasn’t sure what she was asking me, and I wasn’t sure if this was something I could talk to her about. But when I faced her, she looked even more terrified than me.
“Helene—”
“Please forget I asked,” she said quietly as she looked down.
“I don’t want to forget. I want to understand what you’re asking.”
She sighed, but it was troubled. “Are you gentler with me, because you’re afraid of—”
“I wasn’t gentle a little while ago.” I tried to smile, but her face was too serious, and my smile faded.
“But you use … things … with other women.” Her eyes glanced to mine so fast I nearly missed it.
“Things,” I repeated. “I don’t need things.”
“But … maybe you want things even if you don’t need them. I mean, if it were completely up to you, my feelings aside entirely, how would you choose to have sex with me?” She bit her lower lip. “Is it somehow different—”
“Of course it’s different. Shouldn’t it be?” I wasn’t entirely sure I wasn’t offended.
She stared at me, biting her lip again.
“Helene, what are you trying to say?”
“It makes me feel inadequate.” The words rushed out, and then she took a deep breath. “You’ve been with other women in ways you don’t want to be with me.”
“Yes,” I said adamantly. “There are absolutely things I’ve done with other women that I don’t want to do with you.” I sounded nearly angry, and I forced myself to take a deep breath.
Her cheeks flushed pink. “Like what?” Her voice was too quiet.