She was moaning, groaning, and whimpering in this desperate, erotic way, and her body couldn’t seem to stop moving against mine—her * grinding against the side of my leg, her hips rocking. When her hand sped, I nearly lost it.
“Baby,” I breathed out. “Baby, please,” I begged. “We’ve got to talk about this.” I didn’t want to talk about anything. I wanted to shove my cock so hard and deep into her she was too speechless to talk, but this wasn’t something we could regret later and survive.
She panted as her grip on my dick loosened, and when she sighed it was tinged with frustration. She collapsed to the bed beside me, and I rolled toward her, propping myself up to look down on her. Her eyes searched mine, and I watched her for a moment before I reached back and pulled the nightstand drawer open. When I pulled my hand back, she looked and bit her lower lip.
I didn’t say anything as I held the condom between my index finger and middle finger, and I studied her as she studied it. This had put a pause in her desperation. I couldn’t get a handle on what she was feeling, though. She just stared.
“This can’t be some impetuous, careless decision. We don’t have that luxury, baby.”
She inhaled deeply, and then she swallowed harshly.
“Nothing will ever be simple with us,” I continued.
She glanced down at my lower stomach where my cock still lay rigid and waiting.
“That doesn’t mean this can’t be incredible. That it can’t feel good, safe, perfect.”
I fought to hide my desperation, needing to know her decision about this was solely her decision. When she leaned to my mouth, she kissed me gently, and I felt her fingers fumbling with mine as she took the condom from me. I sighed against her mouth, and when she leaned back she bit into her lower lip again. It wasn’t a seductive move, though. She was concentrating, thinking, deciding. And when she she tore into the packet, it was with the shyest look on her face I’d ever seen. I leaned back, resting against the pillows so I could watch her.
My posture was casual, and the easy way my finger stroked over my lower lip as I focused on her was deceptively calm and thoughtless. I was actually freaking the fuck out. This woman had the ability to make me bounce between my desire to throw my life away as I knew it, and fight tooth and nail to keep it. And this was definitely a heavy thing for us.
She pulled the condom from the packet, and I watched as she reached for my dick and slipped it over the head. My breath left me in a rush as I felt her feather light touch. She rolled the condom tightly down my length, and her fingers trembled the entire time.
I rolled toward her, reaching to the inside of her thigh and lifting her leg to rest on my hip. She was shaking in nervousness, but she didn’t pull back. When I reached to her bottom and tugged her closer to my body, her breath caught in her throat.
“This is how I want it,” I whispered against her ear.
I had no intention of telling her just how terrified I was to be on top of her. I’d had too many nightmares in this lifetime of raping her and forcing my way into her body as she cried underneath me, and knowing those nightmares were rooted in reality made it even worse. I simply couldn’t physically put myself in that position with her. Not yet.
I squeezed her bottom, and her hips pushed against mine. And then I delved between her legs, trailing my fingers gently across the lips of her sex. She was wet and warm regardless of how nervous I knew she was.
“I want to be inside your *,” I whispered against her ear, and then I leaned back to see her face. “But I need you to do this part. Put it in.”
She didn’t move immediately, and when she finally did, her fingers grazed lightly across my skin as they brushed their way down between our bodies. She pushed the head of my cock between her legs, and her fingers fumbled with mine as I held her lips parted. I nudged, and the head slipped past her opening as she gasped. I paused.
“Keep your eyes open, baby. Watch me.”
When I rolled my hips under, it was slow. It was the slowest penetration of my life, and I focused on her eyes as I felt her warmth giving way.
“Oh, God, Kane,” she whimpered out, and her eyes opened wider with every inch of my invasion.
She was tight—as tight as I recalled her feeling the last time I’d been inside her, but her wetness was real this time, and when her muscles constricted on me and her hips pushed down against the upward drive of my cock, it was clear her desire was just as real. She watched my eyes, just as I’d asked her to, and I paused when I was fully seated within her.
My hand was still wrapped around behind her and between her legs, and I caressed around her taut skin that was distended and stretched by my cock. It was incredible feeling her wet soft skin alongside my own, and I took my time tracing along the place our bodies were joined.
“You feel so tight, baby,” I whispered against her ear. “Touch it.”