“I don’t know,” I whispered, shaking my head rigidly. It was the truth. Want was a difficult thing when it came to sex for me. I could want and dread something in the same breath. That couldn’t possibly be normal. But it was. For me.
“That’s a no to me, baby.” His expression softened. “That’s okay. We’ll take it nice and slow.” His voice was soothing and warm, and the way his eyes didn’t waver from mine sent a hot tingle through my skin.
I nodded, and he took my hand, pulling me gently down the hall toward my bedroom. When I entered, I wandered around aimlessly for a moment. I finally sank into the occasional chair that sat in the corner, and I watched him as I clutched the small throw pillow that had been on the seat tightly in my lap.
He turned the bedside lamp on, and as he rounded the bed toward me, he flipped the overhead light off, leaving us in a warmer, dimmer space. I sighed as he walked toward me. When he reached me, he stared down at me, his nostrils flaring as he breathed.
“I don’t know how this is supposed to go,” I said as I peered up at him. I was still clenching the pillow tight in my hands, and I knew if I let it go, my fingers would be trembling again.
“Sure you do,” he whispered as he leaned over, planting his hands on the narrow arms of the chair and bringing his face close to mine. “Don’t you remember how we did this when we were kids?”
I shook my head, confused. “We didn’t. Not like this…” I didn’t want to finish that sentence, and I glanced down at my lap, focusing on my white knuckled grip on the pillow.
He reached for my chin, pulling my face back up to look at him. “I’m not talking about that night. I’m talking about everything that came before it.” His voice was so gentle. “I’m talking about the flirting.” He bit his lip. “Come on… You know how this goes,” he coaxed as he angled his head down closer to mine, his lips nearly brushing my cheek. “We’ve done it before—so many times.” He pulled back just enough to study my eyes. “I’d stand a little too close,” he continued. “And you’d let me. I’d touch you when I had no reason to, and you’d never pull back. I’d look at you until you’d blush scarlet, and then I’d keep on looking.”
I could feel his breath touching my skin, and my chest was rising and falling. The desperate desire coupled with the equally desperate fear was causing a sort of elated panic to rush through me. It finally left in a shuddering breath. He took the pillow from my hands, and I had to force myself to let it go. Why was I so nervous? Kane, of all the men in the world, could never hurt me. And yet … I was terrified.
“How have you not lost this?” My voice was too quiet when I asked the question, and I was worried he wouldn’t understand what I meant.
But he looked back at me calmly, and there wasn’t an ounce of confusion in his eyes. “May I touch you?” he asked softly.
I paused, but then I nodded.
He kept one hand on the arm of the chair, but his other reached for my knee. I inadvertently clenched my legs closed for a moment when I felt his touch, but he cocked his head to the side. I released the tension, and his hand trailed slowly up between my legs under the skirt of my dress. I started panting, but I parted my legs more the farther his hand reached, until he was right there.
He swept his hand under the leg opening of my underwear, and I whimpered when his finger slipped easily and wetly past the lips of my sex. He stroked gently for a moment, watching me as his lips dropped open. A breath caught in his throat as he exhaled, forcing the quietest faintest rush of air from his mouth.
“Oh, God,” he whispered, and his eyelids fluttered as he tried to focus on me.
The sound of his arousal alone intensified mine, and when he pulled his hand back slowly, I gasped and held my breath. His nostrils flared as he exhaled a deep slow breath, and his eyes seared hotly into mine.
“Your *’s wet, baby. What in God’s name makes you think you’ve lost this?” he asked, finally letting the skirt of my dress settle back over my lap.
He sank to the floor at my feet, unzipping and removing my boots and socks before he pushed my knees apart and rose up to kneel between my legs. He gripped my hips in his broad and strong hands, and he tugged me insistently forward, bringing my groin close to his. It left me lounged back in the chair, and I reached for the hair along his hairline, brushing it back as I watched him.