I looked at the front row, seeing Tia sitting right near the center and, consequently, right near the seat I’d been in the week prior. What a lucky coincidence for me. But rather than sit by her, I let my eyes glance casually past her, and I took the desk two down from her. It did not go unnoticed. Tia looked at me, and when I glanced at her, I smiled quickly and looked at Helene.
Helene was wearing a dark orange corduroy button up dress that was belted at the waist. She looked adorable. The skirt hit a few inches above her knees, and she’d rolled the long sleeves casually up just shy of her elbows. The top couple buttons were undone, and the light brown knee high riding boots she wore were the perfect laid-back look for her. She’d been so professional looking the first night of class, but she’d not once worn a stiff suit since then.
I liked the way she looked regardless of what she wore, but this outfit reminded me of something she might have worn in high school. Of course, she’d have chosen Mary Janes over riding boots in those days, but still… Her hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, but strands of loose hair and her long bangs wisped around her face. And then there were the black rimmed reading glasses. All I could think about was touching her.
Helene spent the next hour and a half lecturing, and I struggled to pay attention not because the content was boring, but because her voice seemed to send me to another place. By the time she finished, students were getting antsy. When she lifted the stack of tests from her desk, she stood up. Students were suddenly on high alert, and they sat up straighter as Helene started wandering with the stack in her hand.
“I was impressed with the tests,” Helene said as she passed the tests back.
As she walked, my eyes followed her, and when she stopped in front of my desk, I peered up at her. She set my test in front of me. Ninety-five percent. Not bad for the smart-ass who never gave a shit about school when I was young. But that didn’t mean I was a stupid person—never had been. I just lacked the same drive and discipline Hell had.
Until now.
I liked this. Pursuing something. Pursuing her—in whatever capacity that might mean. I was doing something worthwhile when I was with her—even if it was only talking. I’d more of less promised to be open with her when I asked her to give me a second chance, and I intended to as much as that terrified me. I wanted Helene to like me, love me, revere me, and there was a very good chance being open with her would destroy that before the end. But I couldn’t walk away, not when she’d agreed to let me stay close to her. I hadn’t even defined what a second chance meant when I’d begged her for one—only that I needed one and it involved being a part of her life in some way.
When she was finished handing out the tests, she leaned against the desk again, crossing her ankles.
“So now that we’ve discovered Plato’s Republic, we’re going to look more closely at one of my favorite topics within philosophy. Justice. What it is. What it is not. What it should be.”
“You just want us to help you write your dissertation, don’t you?” I asked loud enough for the class to hear.
She smiled and chuckled, and laughter erupted around me when she shrugged.
“Maybe,” she responded as she smiled at me again. “Justice is a foundational question in philosophy, starting with Plato’s Crito, and rehashed time and again ad nauseam through the course of philosophical history. Who can tell me what justice is. Define it for me in your own terms. Don’t look it up in your glossary.”
A number of hands rose around the room, and she chose a young man sitting a few rows behind me.
“Well, like equality for all people. Fairness.”
She nodded. “Does everyone agree with that?” She looked around the room, and I did too. It was a sea of nodding heads. “Any dissension? If you disagree, raise your hand.” She gave the room time to respond, and when nobody did she said, “So, we’re in agreement. Justice is based on equality. Who else can tell me what justice is?”
Another student was called on. “Laws, legal systems?”
Helene nodded again. “Okay. What laws? What legal system? Remember back to your days in Western Civ. for those who’ve already suffered the inhumanity of the humanities,” she said with a sly smile.
More laughter followed that comment.
“Are we talking Hammurabi’s code or Hebrew law?” she continued. “Laws based on man or based on religion?” She paused waiting for input but none came. “My point is, justice is a broader topic than simply policing people, because justice itself is all very much dependent on how and who has authority to mete out that justice.” She was silent for a moment. “Who else can tell me what justice is?”
Another hand rose, and another student was called on.
“What about politics?” the student asked.
“Sure.” She nodded. “How about human rights? How about theology? What does religion have to say about justice?”
A middle aged woman rose her hand, and Helene called on her.
“Well doesn’t it depend on whether you’re referring to the Old Testament or the New?”
“Ah,” Helene commented. “Very good. Furthermore, does it not depend on what religion in general you’re referring to?”