Chapter Eleven
The sky did more than rain. First a wild wind kicked up, bringing with it an impenetrable wall of dirt.
“Dust storm,” Rachel had murmured, looking at the window to where Riverbottom was scarcely visible. She turned to me. “You should stay in for the rest of the night. If those washes start to flood into the house there’s a pile of sandbags in the garage.”
“Okay,” I said, staring out the window with fascination at the ferocity of the desert storm.
Rachel left and I locked the door behind her. The walls of the house shuddered under the fierce wind and just as I finished cleaning off the dining table the power snapped off. The darkness was now impenetrable both inside and outside.
I remembered seeing some candles underneath the sink. Orion had left a cigarette lighter on his dresser so I fumbled my way in there to retrieve it. The glow of the lit candles cast eerie shadows as I moved around the house so I decided to stay in the bedroom.
It was still early, barely eight o’clock, and I was far from sleepy. I had six candles lit on the small table in Orion’s room and combined they gave off enough light to read by. I opened the Dick Wick Hall book Orion had bought for me in Salome. I learned in the introduction he hailed from a cold Midwestern climate and when he came to the Arizona territory he promptly went about remaking himself, right down to his name. Actually, his name became entwined with the vitality of his new identity. Paging through the book, I was charmed by the detailed illustrations and quirky stories originally published in the Salome Sun nearly a century earlier.
The rain began with a suddenness which startled me. It battered the house and fought with the wind. I remembered what Rachel had said about the washes and wondered how all the small creatures who dwelled out there were faring.
Another brutal gust of wind sheered against the building and I thought about Orion. Teague had more or less confirmed he and the other Defiant members were on their way back from wherever they’d gone. My heart lurched at the thought of him trying to navigate the stormy roads. Traveling on his motorcycle he would be vulnerable to the ruthless elements.
When I heard an echoing noise like popcorn popping I went to the small window and raised the frame. The wind was enough to nearly knock me over and I struggled to shut the window as pieces of hail barreled inside and stung my skin.
So focused was I on sealing the window I took no notice of his entrance. The noise of the storm had evidently masked the arrival of the motorcycles and as he reached around me and shut the window his drenched clothes soaked me immediately.
“Orion,” I breathed, turning around and touching him. His face, his shoulders, his chest. All solid, all too good to be true.
“Baby,” he moaned when I felt between his legs.
His clothes were removed hastily and I licked the cold moisture from his skin, wanting to warm him. He groped around in the dark for the hem of my shirt and then ripped it impatiently when it took too long. I moved my hot breasts up and down his chest and then knelt between his legs, taking him in my mouth. He loved it when my tongue moved to the tender sac behind his organ; his hands seized my hair as he showed me how he wanted the rhythm.
Orion didn’t want to finish that way though. He pulled me up and laid me down crossways on the bed. My legs spread on either side of him eagerly; none of that clenching tightness which had impeded us the first time. He entered me good and hard with one fluid thrust. I writhed underneath him, getting so close so quickly, but Orion had extreme control. He brought me to the brink and pulled out, then plunged in with a ferocity which grew deeper every time.
When I came I was not in my own head anymore. I couldn’t do anything but thrash and plead as the throbbing orgasm lasted and lasted.
“Orion, I love you so f*cking much,” I cried and didn’t care that I’d said it because it was true.
He moaned in an agonized voice. “Kira, baby. Shit, what have you done to me?”
Then he climaxed hard, driving himself in so deep he consumed me.
When we were both spent and panting, Orion nestled his head between my breasts.
“James,” he whispered.
“No,” I said, confused. “It’s me, Kira.”
He laughed and propped himself up on one elbow. “It’s the name I was born to. James Cavanaugh Jackson.”
I traced his face in the dark. “Orion suits you better,” I told him.
He pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed the palm.
I chewed my lip. “I meant it,” I said, referring to my passionate outcry.
“I know,” he sighed and cradled me in his arms.
We listened in silence for a long time to the noise of the storm. When I fell asleep it still hadn’t subsided.
***
This time I woke up before he did. The sun was rising over the sodden landscape. It would dry out quickly. At some point during the night the power had returned and I flicked off the bedside lamp.
Orion’s face was young and untroubled in sleep. None of the ferocity which hardened him during his waking hours was present as he breathed evenly through his dreams. I ran my fingertips over his jaw and then across his bare shoulder, skating over the angry tattoos which wound up and down his arms.
The deep blue of his eyes often startled me. And as he opened them I felt that same faint sensation that he saw everything about me whether I wanted him to or not.
“Hi,” I whispered, moving my hands across his chest.
A shadow passed over his face and I would swear he was almost sad.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He shook his head, rising. “Just taking you in, that’s all.”
I moved my touch lower. “I’d like to take you in.”
Orion laughed and reached for a cigarette. “Give an old man a break.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t need one,” I said, proving it when I ran my tongue along his dick.
Orion threw his head back with a groan. “Damn, you don’t know what you do to me.” He breathed heavily and blew smoke at the ceiling as I toyed with him. “Happy Birthday, Kira,” he said softly before flipping me over on the bed and sinking into me from behind.
Afterwards I wrapped myself in a sheet and pulled him with me to the shower. Orion was as ardent as ever with every touch, every kiss. But still, something seemed a little off. The way he moved was strangely intent, as if he couldn’t get enough of me. Or, I feared, was trying to get his fill while he still could.
Breakfast over toast and coffee was quiet and sober. I watched him, trying to read his mood. I still hadn’t asked him what had taken him away for three days. Because I doubted he would tell me. And because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know anyway.
As I filled the sink with hot soapy water to wash the breakfast dishes, Teague wandered in. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him hand Orion a thick envelope. Orion talked to him in a voice too low for me to hear over the sink. But Teague nodded tiredly, touched Orion on the shoulder and stared at me for moment with his hands in his pockets.
“There’s still some coffee,” I offered in an attempt at friendliness.
He shook his head. “No.”
Teague lingered for another moment but after a long look from Orion he nodded and left without saying anything else.
Orion stood at the sink, his hands in fists as he looked out to the yard at the rapidly disappearing puddles. I wrapped my arms around him, kissing his broad back and letting my hands travel to the front of his pants.
“I remember the last time you stood here,” I purred, stroking him.
“I do too,” he said quietly and then took my hands away, turning around and facing me. “We need to go for a walk.”
“A walk?” I didn’t like the sound of it. He was too tense. Something was wrong. But I only shrugged and pulled my tennis shoes on, waiting for him by the door.
He wore only a simple t-shirt and jeans and at first glance might have been taken for just an ordinary man. But as he took my hand and shouldered me out the door I gazed up at him and realized what an impossible thought that was. Orion Jackson would never be just an ordinary man.
The sun was piercing as it made its way up the clear blue sky and reflected on the pools of water which remained from the storm. The wash still held a comfortable amount of water but would evaporate after a few dry days.
Orion held my hand in a sweet way as he led me past the bar and beyond the trailers, to an empty square of land which rustled with the movement of ground squirrels and geckos. As we passed the bar I had squinted at the car sitting in front of it. The Corolla had been painted and the plates had been changed from California to Arizona but I was sure it was the same car I’d arrived in.
When he stopped he dropped my hand and slowly withdrew the fat manila envelope he’d wedged beneath his arm. Nearby a pair of birds, disturbed by our proximity, chattered in the sparse brush. I ran my hands over my shorts, feeling inexplicably nervous.
“Ruger is dead,” Orion finally said.
My heart stopped. “What? How do you know?”
He looked at me with those piercing blue eyes and cocked his head. “How the hell do you think I know?”
I tried to process this news. “So that’s where you went?”
“That’s where I went.”
My heart was pounding. “How?” I whispered.
Orion seemed to be considering how much information he ought to reveal. “I told you he was holed up in Colorado with some boys he took for friends. Well, some green exchanged hands and they weren’t his friends no more. So you’re safe and that’s all you need to know about it, Kira.”
But it wasn’t all I need to know. “You’re the one who killed him?”
“Yes.”
“Did he scream?”
Orion flexed his large hands and smiled grimly. “Yes.”
“Good,” I whispered.
We stood side by side and listened to the noise of the desert. Varied creatures went about their unseen business and things carried on. Curious, because I’d always thought of the desert as wasted, dead. But there was life in it everywhere if you looked for it. If you listened carefully.
Orion shifted and lowered his head. I knew whatever he said next would not be something I would want to hear.
“What’s in the envelope?” I finally asked.
He wouldn’t look at me now. “You,” he answered.
Orion didn’t stop me from grabbing it away and ripping it open. Inside were a newly made set of car keys, a driver’s license and other assorted documents. Also there was a carefully clipped pile of money.
“It’s twenty grand,” he said. “Enough for you to get started somewhere else.” He paused. “Ruger had it on him. So I figure it’s yours.”
My eyes narrowed as a finger of coldness penetrated my chest. “You think I’m a f*cking fool, Orion? If Ruger had any cash it would have been taken by whoever was hosting him.” I swallowed painfully. “This is your money. You’re paying me off.”
He didn’t deny it. “You should stay gone from Cali. Money won’t last as long there anyway. Try someplace with lower overhead, like Phoenix or maybe Albuquerque. And unless you want to be answering the queries of the law for the rest of your life you’ll take the name change too.”
I looked at the other documents in the envelope. The Arizona driver’s license and forged birth certificate bore the name ‘Kira Hall’.
“Hall,” I said, shaking my head at his odd sense of humor. His affection for Dick Wick Hall couldn’t be a coincidence.
“It’ll be easier on you if you only change the last name.”
I swiped at my eyes. “F*ck you. None of this is easy.”
Orion glared at me angrily. “This is a chance, Kira. It’s what you were really asking me for the day you got here.”
“Well,” I said quietly. “That’s before things changed.”
“Yeah, now you’re a little tougher and a lot less innocent. And kid, you’re gonna need both those qualities out there in the nasty world your daddy tried so hard to keep you from.”
I threw the envelope on the sand and clapped my hands loudly. “Wow, so you did me a favor. You f*cked me and got me to fall for you and now you’re cutting me loose. Thank you, Orion. You’re the dipshit of the year.”
“Hey,” he grabbed me, “quit acting like a goddamned spoiled brat.”
When I twisted furiously away he didn’t go after me again. He muttered a low curse and looked up, seeming to glare directly into the sun.
“I love you, Kira,” he said so softly I could barely hear him.
With a cry I tried to hurl myself at him but he pushed me back. “Why?” I shouted. “Why would you throw this away? This isn’t something that comes around all the time.”
He laughed without humor. “You’re telling me that like I don’t f*cking know. It’s not something I’ve ever had or looked for or even wanted. F*ck, I remember when Anne Marie left your daddy. Crest fell into a three day black hole bender so bad he barely knew who he was. I had to carry him like a baby and clean him the hell up and force him to stand again.”
I had a few dim memories of that bleak time. “And you stayed at the apartment and took care of me,” I said quietly.
His face was painful to look at. “That’s right,” he said. “I took care of you then.” He knelt to the ground with a groan and picked up the envelope. “I’m taking care of you now.”
“You reminded me that I’m not a child. I can find my own way.” I reached up and touched his face as he closed his eyes. “I’ve found it,” I whispered.
Orion took my hand away and opened his eyes. He shook his head and gestured to the bar, the house, the trailers. The bleak world of the Defiant Motorcycle Club.
“This isn’t for you,” he said. “This isn’t what your daddy wanted for you and until a few days ago I’m sure as shit it isn’t what you had in mind for yourself.” He pressed the envelope into my hands. “Go back to school. Study those books you love so much. Don’t hang around this mess waiting to see if I’m gonna make it back alive every time I peel out with my boys. Because, Kira, one day I might not. Or I might. But you’ll still wake up one day like Anne Marie did and figure out how much life you’ve wasted.”
I hugged the envelope to my chest. It had been what I was briefly afraid of. That the surrender which resided in my mother was also in me. I stepped directly in front of Orion and forced him to look me in the eye.
“You’re not afraid that I’m going to regret the course of my life like my mother did. You’re afraid for you. That you’ll end up with Crest’s heartbreak.”
He didn’t look away. “Maybe,” he whispered. He grabbed my face in his big hands and kissed me wildly. When he pulled back his face was anguished. “But I’d take that. I’d gladly deal with the hole you’ve ripped in my heart if it meant I’d get to keep you.” He smoothed my hair, his face crumbling. “But I’d be a selfish piece of shit to hold you here. And that’s not something I can live with. Not where you’re concerned.”
“Because of my father.”
“Because of your father. And because of you. Because I held you the day you were born and thought about the madness you’d been brought into and I had hope, Kira. Shit, I had hope that it would pass you by. I’d forgotten that, I think.”
He pushed me gently away and turned his back. He had made my choice for me and the decision was final. I bit the inside of my lip until I tasted blood. It kept me from dissolving into sobs.
I turned around and walked back toward the bar. There was no need to visit the house. I had everything I would need to begin the new life Orion was demanding that I seek. I simply didn’t have it in me to say goodbye to Rachel or anyone else. The air tasted sour and my limbs felt leaden.
There was no need to hotwire the car. The brand new key was a little stiff in the ignition but it turned over freely and someone had filled up the gas tank. I tossed the envelope on the passenger seat and pulled the car away, wondering if I’d remember how to get to the I-10.
There was no one outside to see me go.