Just One Kiss

CHAPTER FIVE




“YOURS IS bigger than mine,” Patience said, walking around the warehouse.

Justice chuckled. No matter the circumstances, she could always make him laugh. “I thought women liked to say size doesn’t matter.”

She looked at him, blushed, then turned away. “I meant your business.”

“I know what you meant. I’m going to be doing different things here. We’ll need the space.”

She walked around the open area. “I guess the good news is you can do anything you want.”

“That’s what I thought. Frame in the walls, build some offices and meeting rooms.”

“A bathroom,” she added. “If your clients are going to be working out, you might want to think about showers.”

He did want to think about showers, but not in the way she meant.

He followed her as she walked around. She wore jeans and another of her decorated T-shirts. This one was pink with rhinestone flamingos sitting at a table, sipping martinis. He wasn’t sure what it meant, but it was pure Patience.

She turned to face him. “You’ve decided? You’re staying?”

He wondered if the truth was that since seeing her, leaving wasn’t an option. “I’m staying.”

“And you’re opening this business with your partners?”

“Ford and Angel.”

“Angel?”

“You haven’t met him yet.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Have you warned him what he’s getting into, coming to a town like this one?”

“He’ll be fine.”

She walked toward him. “You’ve obviously stayed in touch with Ford.”

He nodded, then wondered if her interest was personal rather than general. They’d all been friends together. Ford had spent years in town after he had left. Had they dated? Ford had never said anything, but he didn’t share all that much. Tension tightened the muscles across the back of his shoulders.

“You looking forward to seeing him?” Justice asked.

“Sure.” She paused. “Is he married?”

He didn’t like the question and liked the answer even less. “No. Is that good news?”

She smiled. “It’s always fun when a hometown hero returns. I think his mother and sisters will be more excited.” Her smile turned mischievous. “As for the married thing, you can’t tell anyone, but my friend Isabel is totally freaked out about Ford coming back.”

His muscles relaxed. “She had a thing for him?”

“Big-time. Ford was engaged to her sister. Maeve cheated on him with his best friend and Ford was understandably pissed. He took off and joined the army. Maeve married the best friend. They’re still together. But Ford almost never comes back to visit. When he sees his family, he meets them somewhere else and not very often. Isabel was only fourteen when Ford left and she wrote him for years. Now they’re all grown up and she’s moved back to town. She’s very nervous about seeing him again.” Patience paused. “Is this too much information?”

“No. It’s confusing, but not too much.”

She looked around at the warehouse. “Are you scared?”

“About?”

“Starting a business. I’m terrified. If I think about it too much, I start to doubt myself.” She looked back at him. “My dad took off when I was only a couple of years older than Lillie. He never bothered to stay in touch with me. After he left, it was my mom and me. Then I met Ned and that was a disaster. I was alone and I had Lillie, and my mom invited me back home.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “She was always there for me. The inheritance will help pay the mortgage off. That’s security for both of us. But I have Lillie, and if the coffee shop fails, I will have wasted all that money. Am I being irresponsible, taking on the risk?”

He moved toward her and put his hands on her shoulders. “No. You get to be happy, too.”

“I’m happy working at Chez Julia.”

“Is being a hairstylist your dream?”

“No, but...”

“Is Brew-haha?”

The corners of her mouth turned up. “Yes, but—”

“No buts. You get to have your dream, Patience. You’ve taken care of your mom’s house and your daughter’s college. You get to have a little something for yourself, too.”

“Opening a business isn’t a little thing.”

“You deserve to have one of your dreams come true.”

“What if I fail?”

Her eyes darkened as she said the words, and he knew she’d just spoken her greatest fear. But before he could tell her she wouldn’t and list all the reasons why, someone spoke his name.

“There you are. You’re a very difficult man to find.”

Patience stepped back and he dropped his hands to his sides. The woman walking purposefully toward him was probably close to fifty, with blond hair and a familiar face. He searched his memory and came up with a name.

Denise Hendrix. Ford’s mother.

* * *



PATIENCE WATCHED THE big, bad bodyguard back up when faced with his business partner’s mother. She settled in to watch what she knew would be an excellent show.

Denise Hendrix had six children. Patience was sure she loved them all equally, but five of them were living in town with the sixth risking his life serving his country. Any mother would get a little intense about that.

Denise stopped in front of Justice.

“You’re the reason my son is finally coming home.”

Justice swallowed. Patience would swear something very close to fear invaded his eyes. He held up both hands in a gesture that looked two parts protection, one part surrender.

“I, uh—”

Denise nodded, blinking back tears. “I’ve been praying for this. He was so upset when he left. Of course he was.” She glanced at Patience. “I blame Maeve. I’ve forgiven her, of course. Still, did he have to stay gone? It’s been years and years. I know his work is dangerous—he won’t talk about it. He emails. Because an email is as good as a visit?”

She turned back to Justice. “Then you came here and decided to open your business. I can’t thank you enough.”

“We, uh, thought—”

She nodded and wiped her cheeks. “I know. It wasn’t all you. But I was starting to think he would never come back and now he’ll be here. I have to make sure he never leaves again.”

Poor Ford, Patience thought. She hoped he knew what he was getting into by returning to his hometown.

“Thank you,” Denise said, then lunged forward.

Patience was sure Justice knew a dozen moves to ward off his friend’s mother. But instead of using any of them, he simply endured the long hug.

When he was finally free, he managed a strangled “You’re welcome.”

Denise sniffed. “I remember when you were just a teenager, Justice. You were a good friend to Ford. I’m glad you found your way back here.” She smiled at Patience, waved and left.

Patience turned to Justice. “Always the hero.”

He tugged at the collar of his shirt. “Mrs. Hendrix is very enthusiastic.”

“We’re all adults and you just had a significant body press from her. You should probably call her Denise.”

He winced. “I think Mrs. Hendrix is more appropriate.”

She grinned, delighted with his obvious discomfort. She liked knowing the very together and powerful Justice Garrett could be rattled by a middle-aged mother of six. “Uh-huh. She terrifies you.”

“Just a little.”

She started to laugh. “It’s always fun when a tough-guy facade cracks.”

His gaze narrowed. “You know a lot of tough guys?”

“You’re my first, but it’s way more appealing than I thought it would be. Just so you know—later I’m going to ask you to show me how to disarm someone with a Q-tip.”

“Why are you afraid of someone with a Q-tip?”

She crossed to him and put her hands on her hips. “Very funny. You know what I mean.”

“I do and a Q-tip is a pretty silly weapon.”

“A spoon, then.”

“You can do a lot with a spoon.”

As he spoke, he put his hands on her waist, drawing her against him. She went willingly, aware of the sudden interest from her girl parts. She was conscious of the danger, but the possibility of being left seemed less significant now that they were standing so close. And the possibility of him kissing her again seemed so much more important.

They weren’t touching anywhere good. At least not yet. But she was close enough to feel the heat of him.

He was tall and broad and strong and should be someone who made her nervous. Only he didn’t. It was probably their past. Because she’d adored the boy, she trusted the man. She’d been predisposed to like him from the second he’d returned to her life. She could only hope he wouldn’t prove to be yet another romantic mistake.

She gazed into his eyes, noting the various colors of blue that made up his irises. His lashes were slightly darker than his hair. With his chiseled chin and high cheekbones, he was handsome but still masculine. All in all, an impressive package.

“What on earth are you doing in this tiny town?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you have settled down in Paris or New York?”

“My French sucks and Angel hates New York.”

Good information but it didn’t answer the real question. Probably because she hadn’t asked it.

Are you going to break my heart? That’s what she really wanted to know.

Apparently Justice was a mind reader in addition to his other bodyguard-based skills, because his gaze intensified.

“I’m not one of the good guys. You have to know that.”

She wasn’t sure if he meant the information was common knowledge or that it was important for her to realize the fact. In the end, she supposed it didn’t matter.

“Does it occur to you by saying that, you’re proving the opposite?” she asked.

He moved his hands to the bottom of her T-shirt. He pulled on the fabric, studying the design. “Flamingos?”

“They’re fun birds who love a good martini.”

“I can see that.”

His gaze locked with hers. He raised his arms and slid his fingers through her hair. “What the hell am I going to do with you?”

She supposed she should be quiet and let him work through the problem on his own. However, the answer seemed obvious and she couldn’t help saying, “Kiss me.”

One corner of his mouth turned up. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Still cupping her head, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. She rested her hands against his chest and let her eyes sink closed. The feel of his mouth—soft, yet firm, anchored her in place. In the space of a single heartbeat, she knew surrender was inevitable. Maybe not today, but soon. When he asked, she would say yes. Not because of how long it had been but because this was Justice and she’d felt connected to him for half her life.

There would be consequences. There were always consequences. She would figure out a way to keep her heart safe. But that was for later....

She tilted her head, then slid her hands up to his shoulders. He dropped his to her hips and drew her against him. Even as his tongue slipped inside and brushed against hers, his fingers settled on her rear and squeezed.

She sank against him, letting his body cradle hers. The deep kisses stirred her senses. She traced his shoulders, then moved down his arms, wanting to feel all of him. Need took on a frantic edge.

He moved his head so he could press his lips to her jaw, and then he eased down to her ear where he bit on the lobe. Jolts of need and hunger burned through her and he licked the sensitive spot right below her ear.

At the same time he shifted his hands to her waist and began to move them higher. Her breath caught in anticipation. He kissed his way down her neck. She let her head fall back and waited for his fingers to touch her—

He straightened, dropping his hands to his sides. Her eyes snapped open. Passion darkened his eyes, but along with the desire was a determination. The question was a determination about what? To avoid the obvious next step? Because she was ready. More than ready. She was eager.

She dropped her gaze and saw what looked like a very impressive erection straining against the front of his jeans. Okay, that was good. She wasn’t the only one panting here.

“I’m not who you think.”

The statement came out of nowhere and took her a second to process. “Because you used to be a woman?”

The tension in his face eased. He gave a raw laugh. “No. Because of my past. What I’ve done and seen. It’s complicated.”

She wanted to argue with him. To say it was simple. So simple they should take off all their clothes and just get to it. But advice from friends suddenly popped into her head. Something along the lines of when a guy tells you he’s flawed, it’s important to listen.

A man admitting he had never been faithful or that he wasn’t interested in a commitment was probably telling the truth. So when Justice said things were complicated, she should pay attention.

“Is there someone else?” she asked.

“No.”

“Are you playing me?”

He touched her cheek. “No. I give you my word.”

“It’s because you didn’t come back before now, right? This is about why you stayed away?”

She saw the truth in his eyes and took a step back.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “Tell me now. Why didn’t you? Why was it okay to see Ford and not me?”

“Because I can’t hurt Ford.”

“And you can hurt me.” She raised her chin as she spoke, determined to be strong.

“I don’t want to.” He seemed to struggle for words. “Dammit, Patience, I know what’s right and I can’t resist...”

Her? Them? Sex? This was not the best time for him to be unable to finish a sentence. She waited, hoping he would say more. Maybe admit she’d haunted him. Because she would love to be thought of as the kind of woman who haunted a man rather than one who wore fun T-shirts and did hair.

He cupped her cheeks and lightly kissed her mouth. “Complications. Come on. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee at you-know-where.”

She should probably refuse. Walk away and pretend none of this had ever happened. She had enough going on in her life without dealing with Justice. But she couldn’t seem to summon the strength to resist.

“I may want a couple of pumps of mocha in mine,” she told him.

“I think I can handle that.”

* * *



JUSTICE STARED AT the spreadsheet on his computer screen. Felicia had done her usual excellent job of sorting through the numbers and breaking them down into relevant relationships. If she went into a little too much detail, it was a small price to pay.

He was about to read the income projections when he heard a knock on the door.

He rose and crossed the living area of the suite at Ronan’s Lodge. Eventually he would have to get an apartment or rent a house, but for now, the hotel suited his needs.

He opened the door, prepared to tell housekeeping that he didn’t need any more towels. But instead he found himself staring at a ten-year-old girl.

“Hi,” she said. “I’m Lillie McGraw. Patience’s daughter.”

“I remember.”

Lillie had obviously come from school. She had a backpack over one shoulder and a book in her hand. She gave him a tentative smile.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Sure.” He grabbed his room key and stepped into the hallway. “Let’s go down to the lobby. I’ll buy you a soda.”

She smiled. “That would be nice. Thank you.”

They took the elevator down to the spacious lobby. Justice settled Lillie on a sofa in the corner.

“What would you like?” he asked, glancing toward the coffee cart in the lobby.

Lillie shook her head. “I’m okay. I’d like to just talk, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is.”

Her eyes were the same brown as her mother’s. He could see a lot of Patience in her, as well as a few features he didn’t recognize. Her father’s influence. Patience had said things hadn’t gone well, but hadn’t provided any details.

He took one of the club chairs across from the sofa. “How did you know where I was staying?”

Lillie smiled. “There aren’t that many hotels in town and when Grandma was talking about you the other night she said you weren’t a B-and-B kind of guy.” She paused. “That’s a bed-and-breakfast. We have a couple here in town.”

“I saw.”

Lillie leaned forward and unzipped her backpack. She pulled out several bills and thrust them toward him. “I want to hire you.”

Justice hadn’t been expecting that. “What’s the job?”

“I need a bodyguard. There’s this boy at school. Zack.” She wrinkled her nose. He’s always around and he watches me. It’s creepy, you know? I don’t know what to do about him and I don’t want to say anything to my mom because she might take it wrong. Maybe talk to my teacher. That would be embarrassing. But you’re a guy and I thought if you talked to Zack it would be better.”

Justice watched her carefully. “What exactly has he done? Has he hit you? Pushed you?”

Lillie frowned. “No. He doesn’t even speak to me. He’s— Oh!” She shook her head. “No, he’s not bullying me. We study that in school and watch movies and talk about it. I’m not being bullied. He’s just there all the time. I can’t figure out what he wants. I did ask, but he ran away. Boys are very strange. Mom says I’m going to like them someday, but I don’t think so.”

He relaxed a little. “Okay.”

“I don’t want her to worry. You can’t tell her.”

“I have to tell her if something is going on in your life, Lillie.”

The girl sighed. “Can you tell my grandma instead?”

She was a good negotiator. “Sure. I’ll tell Ava if I find anything, and I’ll report to you.” Because if someone was bothering Lillie he wanted to make sure it stopped.

“Great.” She held out the money again. “Is this enough?”

“You don’t have to pay me. The first one is free.”

She smiled. “Thanks.” She put the money in her backpack and withdrew a piece of paper. “Here’s his name and where he lives and stuff. So you can find him.”

He took the information. “I’ll look into the situation and get back to you.” He wasn’t sure what was going on with Zack, but he would sure find out.

“Thank you for helping me. Mom’s busy with her new store. She’s really happy and I knew this would upset her. Grandma’s excited, too. So I didn’t know where else to go. Maybe it would be different if I had a dad.” She put her elbows on her thighs and rested her chin in her hands. “I mean, I have a dad, but I never see him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t remember him at all. He left like when I was born or something. He doesn’t see me.”

She spoke without emotion—because this was all she knew. He wondered what kind of man could walk away from his child, then told himself the question was stupid. Parents walked away from kids all the time. Or did worse. Look at his own father. Justice had lived the nightmare of parental abuse. Having Bart abandon him would have been a kindness.

“If you have questions about him, I’m sure you can talk to your mom,” he said.

“I know. Or Grandma. They tell me that. But what am I supposed to ask?” She straightened and stood. “Thanks for helping me.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll get back to you in a couple of days.”

She grinned. “Can we set up a secret meeting place, like we’re spies?”

“Sure.”

“I’d like that. But it’s okay if you just come to school, too. Mom says you’re busy with your business.”

She picked up her book and her backpack and walked to the main entrance to the hotel. Justice followed her to the door and watched her walk away. Then he took the stairs back to his room. He returned to his computer, but instead of seeing Felicia’s detailed spreadsheet, he saw the past. A much-younger Patience and how she’d smiled at him.

She’d only been about four years older than Lillie. A pretty girl who had grown into a beautiful woman.

He stood and crossed to the window, then stared out at his view of the mountains.

If things had been different, he thought, even though he knew it was a waste of time. Things couldn’t have been different. Not with who he was and how he’d been raised. Bart Hanson had liked living on the wrong side of the law, liked the risk and flirting with death. His sociopathic tendencies had kept everyone around him on edge.

Justice remembered his last night in Fool’s Gold all those years ago. How the phone call had come, warning them Bart had escaped from prison and been spotted in the area. Justice had been whisked away in a matter of seconds. Less than an hour later, a team had arrived to clean out the house. By morning it was as if they’d never been there at all.

He’d raged against being taken away. Had tried to bargain to be allowed to at least phone Patience and tell her what had happened. One of the marshals had explained if she knew, she was in danger. Justice had known that was true and had stopped asking.

After Bart had been captured, Justice was finally free. The murder conviction along with his other crimes had ensured that he would die behind bars. But he hadn’t gone quietly and his final screams as he was led away had been a vow that his son would die. That Bart would hunt him down and kill him.

Even now, long after his father’s death, Justice couldn’t shake the sense that Bart was still out there. Waiting. Watching. That if Justice went too far, got too close to being like everyone else, too close to being happy, his father would pounce and destroy it all.

He glanced down to the street below and saw Lillie walking along the sidewalk. She was joined by a couple of girls her age and they talked and laughed together.

He couldn’t risk it, he thought grimly. His father haunted him. There was no way to know that he could keep anyone he cared about safe. Especially if the enemy was him.

* * *



PATIENCE STOOD LOOKING at the floor in her newly leased space. She’d swept and cleaned in preparation for her meeting with her contractor. But before she handed over the deposit for the remodeling, she wanted to be sure. So she’d shown up, armed with a plan, a tape measure and masking tape.

So far she’d taped in the back and front counters, along with several tables and chairs. She walked back to the front door to confirm the flow, then wandered over to the empty area by the far window. What exactly was she going to put there? She had a cold case she was eyeing, or she could put in some kind of shelving and keep it for small meetings. Like for a book club. Ava kept suggesting a karaoke machine, but Patience wasn’t thrilled about that idea.

She pulled out her phone and took a picture of the taped outlines on the floor, then looked at the next hand-drawn design. Maybe if she moved the tables to the right of the door, she thought.

“Patience?”

She turned toward the sound of her name and looked at the man standing in the open doorway to the store. With the sunlight behind him, she couldn’t see him clearly at first. As he moved inside, she saw the features of an older man. He had green eyes and nearly white hair.

Her first thought was that she’d never seen him before in her life. Only there was something about him. Something familiar. They must have met somewhere and...

Her body stiffened as her brain filled in the blanks. She instinctively took a step back.

“Hello, Patience.”

“Steve.”

He gave her a slight smile. “I wasn’t sure you’d recognize me. We only met that one time.”

“Right. Two weeks before the wedding. You took us out to dinner and promised you’d see us at the ceremony.”

Ned’s father had made other promises. He hadn’t kept those, either. Instead he’d disappeared. She’d been shocked, but Ned had shrugged it off. He wasn’t used to anything better from his father.

“Why are you here?” she asked, her voice cold and stiff.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“I’m not loaning you money.”

Steve’s expression turned rueful. “I suppose I deserve that. I haven’t been a very good grandfather.”

He’d been just as bad as a father, she thought. When she’d met Ned, one of the things they’d had in common was they’d both been abandoned by their fathers. She hadn’t seen hers in years, while Steve had drifted in and out of Ned’s life. When they’d talked about what they’d been through, Patience thought they had learned the same lesson. That it was important to follow through. To commit.

Instead, Ned had learned how easy it was to walk away.

Maybe it wasn’t fair, but she blamed Steve for that lesson. On a personal level, she wasn’t sorry to have Ned gone and had no interest in having him back. But this wasn’t about her. Lillie was the one who suffered without her father.

He glanced around at the empty storefront. “I heard you’re opening a coffeehouse.”

“Something like that.”

“Congratulations. That’s very exciting.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and watched him. “That’s not why you’re here.”

“No, it’s not.”

He wore a white shirt tucked into jeans. Not the least bit threatening. Still, she couldn’t help thinking she could make a dash for the back door if she had to.

“I’m not the man I was,” he told her. “For years, I had lousy priorities. I lost my wife and my son because of that.”

“You didn’t lose your son,” she told him. “You walked away. There’s a difference.”

“You’re right. I take responsibility for what happened with Ned. I’ve tried to see him, but he has no interest in me.” His green eyes grew thoughtful. “I can’t blame him for that, but I do wish things had been different.”

She tensed. “You’re here because of Lillie.”

“I’d like a chance to get to know her.”

She wanted to tell him no. To scream at him to get out of here and never come back. Lillie didn’t need another male relative breaking her heart.

“I’m retired now,” he went on. “I have been for a few years. I took stock of my life and realized I’d focused on the wrong things.” He gave her a slight smile. “I went into therapy and figured out what I’d done wrong. I want to do better, be better, for my granddaughter.”

“Can you think of a single reason why I should trust you?”

Steve shook his head. “Not one.”

She could feel herself getting angry. She wanted to scream that nothing about this was fair. Instead, she spoke the truth.

“I blame you for Ned’s behavior. He did what you taught him. He walked away. Do you know he never sees Lillie? He signed away all rights to her so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. She’s a sweet, smart little girl and I’m the one who had to explain why she doesn’t have a daddy anymore. For now she accepts what I’ve told her, but what do you think is going to happen when she’s older? When she figures out that her father simply wasn’t interested in her? How much do you think that’s going to hurt?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Being sorry isn’t good enough. It’s bad enough that Ned left me, but he also abandoned my daughter and I’ll never forgive him for that. There is absolutely no reason for me to trust you with Lillie. Not ever.”

He held out his hands, palms up. “You’re right. There is no reason to trust me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m Lillie’s grandfather and I want to get to know her. I want to be a part of her life. I’m asking for a chance with her.”

“What’s the plan? Are you going to show up a few times, get her to like you, then disappear and break her heart?”

“No,” he said quietly. “I’ve moved nearby. I want to be close to the only family I have left. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust.” He hesitated, as if he had more he wanted to say, then shook his head. “Please think about it,” he added.

Patience hated that an outright no wasn’t an option. While there was nothing he could say that would make her trust him, that wasn’t the point. If Steve wasn’t a complete jerk, then Lillie deserved to know her grandfather. She deserved to have more family, more people to care about her.

Steve pulled a business card out of his shirt pocket. “Here’s my cell number. I’ll be around. You can limit my visits, supervise them or make me post a bond.” He gave her a quick smile. “Whatever it takes, Patience. I’m sorry for how my actions affected you. If I could change them, I would. Believe me.”

He handed her the card, then left. She shoved the card into her back pocket and did her best to forget about it. Having Lillie’s grandfather show up like that was one thing she didn’t want to have to deal with.

* * *



JUSTICE KNOCKED ON the house’s front door. A couple of minutes later, Ava opened it and smiled at him.

“Patience isn’t here,” she said by way of greeting. “She’s working at the salon this afternoon.”

“You’re the one I came to see.”

Ava laughed and invited him in. “I will take that comment in the spirit in which you meant it and not infer any other motive.”

Justice grinned. “Thank you.”

She led the way to the sofa. Today her steps weren’t as steady as they had been before and she was using a cane. The disease, he thought, wishing there was a way for her to get better.

When they were both seated, she turned to him. “How can I help?”

“Lillie came to see me.” He explained about Zack and how Lillie was uncomfortable around the boy. “She wants me to find out what’s going on and make it stop. She says she’s not being bullied, but I’m less sure. Under normal circumstances, I’d confront the guy myself. But he’s a ten-year-old kid.”

“I can see how that would make you uncomfortable,” Ava told him. “I didn’t know Lillie was concerned about anyone.”

“I think she came to me because I’m a professional. But this is out of my area of expertise.”

“I understand.” Ava thought for a second. “I’m going to call the school and arrange a meeting with the counselor and the teacher. Maybe we can get an answer that way. I’ll tell Patience, but ask her to let you and me handle this. That way if Lillie asks if she was there, you can say no.”

“I appreciate your help.”

Ava smiled. “You’ve always been very sweet to my girl. Even when you were much younger. I’m happy to help now.”

He wasn’t sure he would define his feelings as “sweet,” but that wasn’t a conversation he was going to have with Patience’s mother. He wasn’t sure he would even have it with Patience herself. He didn’t know what was happening between them. He knew what he wanted, but going there meant inviting danger. His need to protect Patience was more important than his desire for her. Which left him with something of a dilemma.