I don’t know how to respond in a way that she would find appropriate. She’s only the second person in my life I’ve known with divorced parents, and network TV was forbidden in my house while growing up. Still is, though my siblings and I get around it thanks to the Internet.
Which is what keeps getting Matt in trouble with himself.
Kennedy: I’m half kidding. I’m just … I don’t know. Good at reading people? He’s dropped enough clues around for me to piece it together, but I don’t know why he just won’t tell me. You know what—
I’m about to say “what” when Kennedy puts down her phone and speaks to the front of the car.
“Roland?”
His eyes flash to the rearview mirror for a second. “Yeah?”
“Since we’re going to be invading the Well’s residence in the next couple of hours, I’d like to clear some pink elephants out of the way.”
Oh God …
“Okay,” Roland draws out.
Kennedy clears her throat like she’s about to present a court case. Which isn’t all that far off, actually. “So I know that you and Matt’s dad—Buck or Joseph or whatever you call him now—went to UConn together and played on the basketball team.” Roland nods, and Kennedy keeps talking. “And Buck reached out to you while you were … on your downward spiral. Genuinely enough that mom likes him to this day. Which, as we all know, is a huge feat, since she doesn’t like anyone.”
Roland and Kennedy share the chuckles of an inside joke, and I’m not the least bit upset to be an outsider. I like seeing the work God’s doing in their relationship. It’s the closest thing to a miracle I’ve seen in a long time.
“I assume you’re approaching your point, and the roundabout way suggests I’m not likely to enjoy it?” Roland asks with a grin.
Kennedy sticks out her tongue. “I also know from Matt that his dad had burnout and it seems like maybe he had some drinking issues in there, and … well … women.”
“Women?” Roland clears his throat, flicking his eyes up to the mirror every couple of seconds.
“Matt won’t tell me everything. Like my feminine virgin ears couldn’t possibly bear it, or something. But, honestly? Whatever happened is making Matt feel like he’s not good enough. I asked him to date me and he said no. He said he’s damaged and all of that stuff. And I just want to know why.”
Holy crap. She asked him out? He said no?!
“So what are you asking?” I butt into the conversation.
“How about I ask a few yes or no questions. Is that okay?” Kennedy asks Roland.
He hesitates but finally nods. “Fine.”
“Matt’s dad has or had a drinking problem, right?”
“Yes.” Roland nods. I sit back and prepare to watch the volley.
“And he engaged in some sort of inappropriate relationship with someone who wasn’t his wife.”
Another affirmative comes from Roland, who is shaking his head.
Kennedy takes a deep breath. “And whatever that was all about contributed or was a result of his burnout. But it happened more than once, didn’t it?”
“It did.”
“It’s not a secret, Roland,” Kennedy assures him. “I mean, the whole congregation down there knows, don’t they?”
He nods. “They know enough.”
“Wait a minute,” Kennedy says almost to herself, slumping back in her seat.
“What?” I ask, my eyes meeting Roland’s in the mirror.
“Jesus,” she whispers.
“Language, Kennedy,” Roland warns.
Seeming to ignore him, Kennedy turns to me, extending an index finger in my direction. “That’s why he won’t tell me anything and why he thinks I’m too good for him. How could I be so dumb?”
I shake my head slightly. “What?”
“He thinks he’s going to turn out just like his dad. Man. When he spent so much time talking about his anger toward his dad, I figured he was embarrassed by the stuff, which I’m sure he is, or didn’t want me judging him because of it.”
“That’s probably part of it.” I wipe my palms on my pants.
Kennedy shakes her head. “He got weirder after Thanksgiving. After spending lots of time with his dad. He’s told me before how he’s gotten no answers from God about why his family had to go through everything they went through. I think …” Her eyes well with tears as she trails off.
Roland clears his throat. “You think what?”
Kennedy’s eyes move from me to him and back gain. “I think his perception of God’s silence is making him think God isn’t there. That he’s worthless and that his father was too and he’s destined to end up like him. That’s it, isn’t it?”
“Perception of God’s silence?” Roland asks.
Kennedy waves her hand. “You know he’s never really silent. Quiet, maybe, or nonverbal, but he’s always moving. Always speaking to us. But Matt’s too hurt to remember that.”