I chuckle before telling her I have to go use the bathroom, now that Roland’s stopped at a convenience store for snacks. Really the look on Jonah’s face reminds me of something, and as I’m unbuckling, it hits me.
“The dream,” I whisper to myself.
“Huh?” Jonah asks, getting out of the car and holding my door for me. Chivalry takes no grievance days.
Walking into the store, I admit the dream from months ago to Jonah. “You and Matt were in the UC, and there was blood coming from your hands and, really it looked quite Christ-on-the-cross like, but it was you guys. And, you kind of have the same look on your face right now that you had in that dream. Weird, huh?”
Jonah freezes mid-chip aisle. “Um, yeah. That is weird. What do you think that means?”
I’m taken back by his seemingly legitimate concern. “I don’t … I don’t know, actually.”
Actually, I’ve spent more time figuring out what Matt’s part in the dream meant. I haven’t given you much thought.
Resisting the urge to stand around and stammer more, I nod toward the bathroom and make my exit.
A few minutes later, with peanut butter cups, Doritos, and Coke Zero in hand, Jonah, Roland, and I reach the car.
Wanting to take matters into my own hands, I comically clear my throat. “Roland, would you mind if Jonah sits in the back with me for a little while? We need to talk.”
“Sure,” Roland answers with a shrug and nothing more before getting in and starting the car.
Jonah hesitates outside the front passenger door. “Won’t that be weird?” he asks, nodding toward Roland.
I wave my hand. “He’s fine. He’ll probably listen to an audiobook like he did on our trip to Kentucky.” I offer a wink. “I’m not sharing my food though, so I hope you got your own. I don’t share food.”
Jonah chuckles, sliding into the backseat after me. “That’s not very Christian of you.”
I grin, popping an entire peanut butter cup in my mouth. “Those rules don’t apply to road trip food. So,” I lower my voice slightly to keep up the show of being two teenagers talking while a grownup is nearby, “I obviously know about the breakup. Are you okay?”
Jonah leans his head back and runs a hand over his face a few times. “You were wrong. This is awkward.”
“What’s the big deal? We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“Doesn’t it bother Eden?” he asks, sitting forward. “Or is that what this is? Are you going to report back to her?”
I hold up my hands, amused by his paranoia. “Calm yourself. My allegiance will always be to my girlfriends. But, you are my friend, too, and I just want to check in.” I realize that while I’ve juggled close male and female friends for years, my guess is Jonah’s never had a close girlfriend that’s not a girlfriend. “Come on,” I elbow him, “I’m serious.”
“I’m okay,” he finally says after a rather dramatic sigh for the normally polished and put together Jonah.
“You’re lying,” I challenge. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Roland’s eyes light up in the rearview mirror.
“Qualify that,” Jonah shoots back.
I shrug. “You’re not fine,” I say plainly. “You’re gruff and broody. That’s not Jonah. That’s like … Matt. And you’re not Matt.”
“Speaking of which,” Jonah straightens, “have you talked to him lately?”
I shake my head. “I sent him a text on Christmas, wishing him a merry one, and all. He texted back with one word.”
“Which was?”
“Ditto. Ditto. Can you believe that? We’re not talking about this right now. We’re talking about your broken heart.”
Jonah grimaces. “It’s not that we broke up. It’s why.”
You’re good, Kennedy. Spot on.
“I figured as much.”
Jonah’s eyes flip to mine. “You mean you know why?”
I wave my hand. “We’re girls. I know enough, just not the bloody details. Don’t worry, Eden is very respectful of your privacy.”
“Oh, I know. I know. I just …”
“Think she’s right that you’ve gone off the reservation, spiritually speaking?”
Jonah hangs his head for a minute, letting out a small breath before looking back up. He keeps eye contact with me and, for a moment, it’s like Roland really isn’t in the car. “I don’t think. I know. I’m just really struggling right now, and that’s not something I want to drag her through. She was right to break it off when she did. Save herself, so to speak.”
A lump forms in my throat. “I mean … couldn’t you guys have, like, gone through this together?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not like we were engaged or married. That would be different. I think right now, she’s right in that we need to kind of grow into who we need to be. And, if we get back together in the future it’ll be because of who we are, not who we think the other person should be.”
“How bad is it?” I ask quieter.
Jonah presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek, his nostrils flaring.