A voice sounds behind me. “What’s complicated?”
I don’t need to turn to know it’s Ezra, and probably Anton too.
“Tripp here got married,” Oskar says. “Did either of you know that?”
“Uh, Oskar, I think getting fake married to Tripp is taking your ridiculous charade too far,” Ezra says.
“No, no. Not to me.” Oskar levels me with a serious stare—one I rarely see from the manwhore playboy that he is. “You want to tell them, or should I?”
“You’re making this out to be a bigger deal than it really is.”
“Why don’t we see what they think?” Oskar nods behind me.
I take a deep breath and slowly turn. “Okay, here’s the deal. Dex was contemplating marrying Jessica, but—”
“Somehow Tripp and Dex ended up getting married,” Oskar finishes. “Maybe Dex is so dumb he mistook him for her? I mean, they both have boobs, so maybe?”
I turn back to him. “I do not have boobs. My chest is pure muscle. And also, quit with the dumb Dex jokes, okay? He really hates it, and he doesn’t deserve it.”
“Doesn’t he?” Anton asks.
I put my back to the water so I can see Oskar and Anton at the same time. “You’re joining in on it too? Look, it’s one thing to joke about it, and hell, most of the time Dex is in on the joke because he knows when it comes to the media and talking stats that he gets tongue-tied, but he’s not actually dumb. The jokes are getting too …”
“Real?” Oskar asks. “Do you think I like being mean to Dex? Every time I’ve had to point out this week that you and I need alone time to be a couple and he’s given me those puppy dog eyes, it’s felt like I just kicked Bambi repeatedly. He doesn’t see how much he hurts you because you don’t let him. We’re trying to protect you.”
“You don’t need to protect me from Dex!” I yell. Myself, sure, but not from him. “He’s done nothing wrong. And the way you guys have been treating him … I want it to stop.”
Ezra and Oskar hang their heads like scolded schoolboys, but Anton’s gaze ping-pongs between us all. “Have you guys ever gotten the impression Dex is in love with Tripp as much as Tripp is in love with him, but he just doesn’t realize?”
There’s an echo of scoffs from us all.
“Hear me out,” Anton says. “I had a talk with him when we first got here and you three went for a hike. He seemed lost without Tripp. And I tried to get him to see why he might feel that way without actually coming out and saying it, but he wasn’t getting it.”
We all blink at him.
“He practically has hearts in his eyes when he looks at him,” Anton pushes.
Ezra’s the first to break. “He’s always been like that though.”
“And that doesn’t tell you something?”
“Nah. No way. No offense, Trippy, but Dex is straight. He’s so comfortable in his heterosexuality that all your gayness doesn’t faze him. That’s super straight.”
Anton tilts his head. “Maybe he’s pan. Maybe if Tripp and Dex had the perfect circumstance in which to explore something, Dex could realize he’s fluid.”
“Dex is always all over Tripp,” Oskar points out. “I know he’s, uh, oblivious, but if there were feelings there, even he would have picked up on it by now.”
“No, I mean—”
“You mean, like, a prison situation?” Ezra asks. “That kind of fluid? Where guys can’t fuck women, but they’d rather have sex with their cellmate than their fist?”
“Or maybe,” I interject before they can keep going, “Dex and I are really close, and even if it’s painful for me to have him in all the ways I want except sexually, I know it would hurt more to live without him at all.” I look over at Oskar. “And that’s how I do it to myself. If you guys had ever experienced a fraction of what I feel for Dex, you’d understand. You do things that are hard for the people you love because your life is so much better with them in it.”
Ezra leans in closer to Anton and mutters, “Just so you know, I love you, I will love you forever, but if Henry Cavill comes knocking, you’re on your own. Apparently, I don’t love you as much as Tripp loves Dex.”
“Hey, if Henry Cavill comes knocking, I’ll ask him to join us.”
“Aww, this is why you’re perfect. But also, I don’t want to become like Tripp and Dex. There’s spending time together, and then there’s smothering each other.”
Anton pats his cheek. “It’s cute you think you’d be the first one to ask for a break. Jesus, it’s only been a week on this trip, and I’m ready to not see your face.”
Ezra turns his back on him. “Is this better?”
“Much. Thank you.” He loops an arm around Ezra’s waist and plants a kiss on his head.
“See, I don’t understand your relationship entirely, but that’s my point,” I say. “Don’t get me wrong, alone time is sometimes needed, but I can’t think of a time where I’ve ever wanted to be away from Dex. Even when I’ve needed a time-out from him. You two work because you’re the same. Dex and I work because—”
“But you’re not working,” Oskar says. “Because you’re not together.”
“I’m getting tired of trying to explain myself to you guys. I appreciate you being there for me and wanting to protect me. I really, really do. But I’ve got this handled, okay? So, maybe, can you all back off?”
They glance at each other, as if waiting to come to a group decision before relenting and murmuring half-assed apologies. I know they mean them, and I know they think I’m making a big mistake by maintaining my friendship with Dex and pretend marrying him and I’m only hurting myself, blah, blah, blah, but I don’t need it from them too. I’m already hard enough on myself about it.
Oskar approaches me and wraps me in a big hug. “I’m sorry if it seems like I’m pushing. I thought maybe that’s what you needed, seeing as you’re determined to continue to live in an unhealthy amount of pining. I’ll back off. I am officially breaking up with you. I think we’re better off as friends. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m running away to join the circus—”
“Aww, I’m so upset,” I deadpan. “To think, who will have all the imaginary sex with me now?”
Both Anton and Ezra say at the same time, “Not it.”
“I really am sorry,” Oskar says. “And I’ll apologize to Dex too if that’s what you want me to do.”
“It is.”
“Okay. Let’s go back inside,” Oskar says. He keeps his arm around my shoulders all the way into the house, and I finally feel like I might be able to enjoy this vacation without all the pressure of lying to Dex while pretending to be with Oskar while also being fake married to Dex.
All the deceit hurts my brain.
I need Zen and peace.
We get back inside the house to find Dex pacing back and forth in the large living room.